Talk about a whirlwind trip; we've had a busy couple of days. We're home now, and can hardly believe that the weekend is already over. Here is a breakdown of our trip. I apologize if this is too many details for you.
Friday - We flew from Phoenix to Minneapolis. Due to bad weather, our flight was delayed three hours. My family was supposed to drive in from Fargo, but decided that it would not have been safe. As bummed as we were, it was much better to be safe than sorry. We finally landed in snowy Minneapolis at around 11:40pm and headed over to our hotel.
Saturday - Picked up our roller skate of a rental car in the morning. The idea of driving a compact Hyundai was more than a little scary, but it wasn't too bad. Matt actually enjoyed trying to make it spin out. By the early afternoon, the roads were fine. We spent some time at the Mall of America, mostly walking around. We almost rode one of the roller coasters, but I wasn't sure my stomach would appreciate it. We headed down to Red Wing after lunch and got checked into our second hotel of the weekend. we got in touch with Brandon & Heidi, and decided to meet for dinner in Lake City. On our drive into Red Wing, we saw a sign for the world's largest boot and decided we had to include that in our trip. On our way to meet the family, we stopped and got our picture taken with the size 638 boot. This was a welcome distraction from my anxiety. Dinner went well. Brandon and Heidi brought their son (Aiden) and his parents along. We used it more as a time to get to know them and to feel more comfortable with each other. It was like being on a first date, so there was a lot of small talk. The conversation consisted of interests, family history, likes/dislikes, etc. We did manage to get some of our questions answered. At the end of dinner, we decided to meet up the next afternoon with just Brandon and Heidi. His parents are great, but we were excited to spend some time with them.
Sunday - We had a lot of time to kill. Our hotel check-out was 11am, and we didn't plan to meet until the mid-afternoon. We were able to use the time to do some research on Minnesota adoption law (in addition to spending about an hour walking around Target - that store never gets old). We met up with them in the late afternoon and got to meet one of Brandon's brothers, who was hanging out at their apartment. We talked for awhile, and got more of our questions answered. I think we all felt pretty comfortable with each other. We also had fun playing with their son, Aiden. It was fun to find out things that we had in common, talk to them about their goals, and see what they are hoping for in an adoption. I think we are all on the same page as far as an open adoption, which is great!
I wish that we could say that we were closer to a decision, but we're still trying to figure things out. There are pros and cons on both sides. We have a few more details that we need to cover with both birth moms, and then we'll be able to make a decision. There are so many factors in adoption and I don't know that we'll ever be able to answer all of our questions. A big part of this process has been trusting God, and this part is no different.
We're going to continue asking for prayer, especially over the next few days. As soon as we've made a decision, we'll share it with you.
Monday, December 6, 2010
Tuesday, November 30, 2010
When It Rains, It Pours!
It has been some time since I updated our blog, and a lot has happened. In my last posting, we had just talked with Heidi (a potential birth mom) and Michelle (the baby’s paternal grandma). The conversation was great, and we booked a flight out to Minnesota to meet them. Everything was going according to plan (which should have been my first indication that something would happen) when our agency called on Friday, November 19th.
A birth mother (Brooke) in Tucson had selected our profile, and wanted to meet us. The pregnancy counselor gave us a little information about her, and asked if we were open to the meeting. I called Sharon to find out if this would be appropriate. We were already talking with another family, and I didn’t want to make the wrong move. She advised us that it would not hurt anything to look at this option, as well as the Minnesota couple. God opened this door for us, and we shouldn’t close it before seeing what it has to offer. I called Matt to give him the crazy news, and then called back down to Tucson to set up a meeting.
So, on Wednesday, November 24th, we drove to a McDonalds in Tucson to meet Brooke. I was nervous. This was our first face-to-face meeting with a birth mom. We were not sure what to expect. On the drive down, we compiled our list of questions, and practiced answering questions that she may have asked us. We wanted to be ready for anything. As always, we were way over-prepared.
The meeting went very well. She was really nice, and provided us with a lot of great information about her history, health and current living situation. She was open and honest with us; which we really appreciated. She is expecting a boy in mid-January, and is confident that adoption is the route she would like to take. She has had other children, who have also been placed for adoption. We have a few concerns, which we are researching right now.
Now comes he hard part…We’ll meet with Brandon & Heidi this weekend in Minnesota. On our flight home, we will have to decide how we want to proceed. We are praying for God’s guidance in this situation, as I definitely do not feel equipped to make the decision. There are pros and cons to both birth moms/families, so we will need to identify which we are better suited to handle. Sunday night and Monday will be especially difficult. Once we are back, and have made a decision, I will post an update.
Thank you in advance for prayers!
A birth mother (Brooke) in Tucson had selected our profile, and wanted to meet us. The pregnancy counselor gave us a little information about her, and asked if we were open to the meeting. I called Sharon to find out if this would be appropriate. We were already talking with another family, and I didn’t want to make the wrong move. She advised us that it would not hurt anything to look at this option, as well as the Minnesota couple. God opened this door for us, and we shouldn’t close it before seeing what it has to offer. I called Matt to give him the crazy news, and then called back down to Tucson to set up a meeting.
So, on Wednesday, November 24th, we drove to a McDonalds in Tucson to meet Brooke. I was nervous. This was our first face-to-face meeting with a birth mom. We were not sure what to expect. On the drive down, we compiled our list of questions, and practiced answering questions that she may have asked us. We wanted to be ready for anything. As always, we were way over-prepared.
The meeting went very well. She was really nice, and provided us with a lot of great information about her history, health and current living situation. She was open and honest with us; which we really appreciated. She is expecting a boy in mid-January, and is confident that adoption is the route she would like to take. She has had other children, who have also been placed for adoption. We have a few concerns, which we are researching right now.
Now comes he hard part…We’ll meet with Brandon & Heidi this weekend in Minnesota. On our flight home, we will have to decide how we want to proceed. We are praying for God’s guidance in this situation, as I definitely do not feel equipped to make the decision. There are pros and cons to both birth moms/families, so we will need to identify which we are better suited to handle. Sunday night and Monday will be especially difficult. Once we are back, and have made a decision, I will post an update.
Thank you in advance for prayers!
Thursday, November 4, 2010
Our first meeting!
I apologize to all of our friends and family who have been patiently (or not so patiently) waiting for an update on our recent phone call. I know you’re interested in how things went, so here you go…
Before I begin, I’ll let you know that Heidi and Brandon are the birth parents and Michelle is the paternal grandma. This will make my story-telling a little easier.
“A little anxious” does not even begin to describe how I felt on Tuesday. Throughout the entire day, I kept thinking about the possible conversations that would take place that night. Thankfully, my work schedule was a little busy in the afternoon, so the time flew by. I knew that they would probably be feeling just as nervous, but that didn’t ease my nerves at all. When I got home from work, I changed into really comfortable clothes and sat quietly for about 15 minutes. Matt can tell you that to have me sit quietly for that long is almost a miracle. It was nice to just be still and focus my thoughts…an episode of The Office helped too.
At 5:30pm, we turned off the TV, gathered everything together, and said a prayer. Dialing the phone was exciting and scary, all at the same time. Michelle picked up and we talked with her for about 30 minutes. She described Brandon and Heidi and a little about their situation. At one point, she stopped and apologized for “rambling” and told us how nervous she was. What a relief!! We told her that we were just as nervous, and everyone seemed to feel a lot better after that. She then put Heidi on the phone (Brandon wasn’t able to be there). We all asked each other questions, and shared a little about ourselves. We were pretty excited to learn more about their family since we didn’t have a lot of information. When we hung up the phone, we said another prayer and then tried to focus on other things.
Some details that I think you’d want to know about:
•While they are not sure, the expected due date is in May.
•We do not know the sex of the baby, although they haven’t had a girl on Brandon’s side of the family in four (yes, four) generations.
•Almost all of their family is supportive of the decision to place their child. There are a few that are not 100% comfortable with the idea yet.
•They are hoping for an open adoption, which is exactly what we would like as well. With our family living relatively close, we can easily find time to visit Brandon and Heidi in the future.
Our next step would be to arrange a meeting, if they so desire. We want them to be totally comfortable with this process, and so we are allowing them to make many of the decisions. We’ve told them that we are happy to talk to them whenever they have questions, and would be happy to travel out to Minnesota to visit with them in person.
You are welcome to e-mail me with questions that you have. I won’t guarantee that I’ll answer everything, but it’s worth a shot.
Please pray for Brandon, Heidi and the rest of their family as they continue to think and pray about this.
Before I begin, I’ll let you know that Heidi and Brandon are the birth parents and Michelle is the paternal grandma. This will make my story-telling a little easier.
“A little anxious” does not even begin to describe how I felt on Tuesday. Throughout the entire day, I kept thinking about the possible conversations that would take place that night. Thankfully, my work schedule was a little busy in the afternoon, so the time flew by. I knew that they would probably be feeling just as nervous, but that didn’t ease my nerves at all. When I got home from work, I changed into really comfortable clothes and sat quietly for about 15 minutes. Matt can tell you that to have me sit quietly for that long is almost a miracle. It was nice to just be still and focus my thoughts…an episode of The Office helped too.
At 5:30pm, we turned off the TV, gathered everything together, and said a prayer. Dialing the phone was exciting and scary, all at the same time. Michelle picked up and we talked with her for about 30 minutes. She described Brandon and Heidi and a little about their situation. At one point, she stopped and apologized for “rambling” and told us how nervous she was. What a relief!! We told her that we were just as nervous, and everyone seemed to feel a lot better after that. She then put Heidi on the phone (Brandon wasn’t able to be there). We all asked each other questions, and shared a little about ourselves. We were pretty excited to learn more about their family since we didn’t have a lot of information. When we hung up the phone, we said another prayer and then tried to focus on other things.
Some details that I think you’d want to know about:
•While they are not sure, the expected due date is in May.
•We do not know the sex of the baby, although they haven’t had a girl on Brandon’s side of the family in four (yes, four) generations.
•Almost all of their family is supportive of the decision to place their child. There are a few that are not 100% comfortable with the idea yet.
•They are hoping for an open adoption, which is exactly what we would like as well. With our family living relatively close, we can easily find time to visit Brandon and Heidi in the future.
Our next step would be to arrange a meeting, if they so desire. We want them to be totally comfortable with this process, and so we are allowing them to make many of the decisions. We’ve told them that we are happy to talk to them whenever they have questions, and would be happy to travel out to Minnesota to visit with them in person.
You are welcome to e-mail me with questions that you have. I won’t guarantee that I’ll answer everything, but it’s worth a shot.
Please pray for Brandon, Heidi and the rest of their family as they continue to think and pray about this.
Monday, November 1, 2010
An update already!!
Well, I didn't think that I would be updating the blog so soon! I just got a text from the potential family that they would like to talk. We have set up a phone call for tomorrow night to start getting to know each other. I'll be sure to add another update after we get more information.
Thanks for the prayers!!
Thanks for the prayers!!
One step closer!!
It’s been a few weeks since our last blog entry, which is because we really haven’t had anything exciting to share. We were slowly starting to wonder if maybe the couple had changed their minds, or just didn’t like the letter we sent. Either way, it was hard not knowing what they were thinking.
Last night, we received an exciting phone call. Matt’s Aunt Mary called to let us know that the couple is interested in talking with us. They had lost the cover letter that I sent, which included our contact information. That explained why they had not been in touch. They asked if we could send another copy of the letter so that they can schedule some time to talk. Could they!? Of course!!
I did what anyone else would do…I overnighted them a copy of our letter. My thinking is that there is no reason to delay this any further. The sooner they get our letter, the better! They should have it in hand by Wednesday at the latest.
While this doesn’t guarantee anything, we are still excited that they would like to talk. This is the farthest we’ve gotten in the process with a birth family. I’ll do my best to update the blog so you can see what is going on. We’re hopeful that we can schedule time to Skype with them, which is preferred over a phone call.
I know that we’ll be extremely nervous when the time comes to talk with them, and I am pretty sure they will feel the same way. I’m just hoping that we are all comfortable talking with each other. Please pray that all goes well.
Last night, we received an exciting phone call. Matt’s Aunt Mary called to let us know that the couple is interested in talking with us. They had lost the cover letter that I sent, which included our contact information. That explained why they had not been in touch. They asked if we could send another copy of the letter so that they can schedule some time to talk. Could they!? Of course!!
I did what anyone else would do…I overnighted them a copy of our letter. My thinking is that there is no reason to delay this any further. The sooner they get our letter, the better! They should have it in hand by Wednesday at the latest.
While this doesn’t guarantee anything, we are still excited that they would like to talk. This is the farthest we’ve gotten in the process with a birth family. I’ll do my best to update the blog so you can see what is going on. We’re hopeful that we can schedule time to Skype with them, which is preferred over a phone call.
I know that we’ll be extremely nervous when the time comes to talk with them, and I am pretty sure they will feel the same way. I’m just hoping that we are all comfortable talking with each other. Please pray that all goes well.
Wednesday, October 13, 2010
A Glimmer of Hope
On Sunday night we got a call from Matt's Aunt, letting us know that she has a potential birth family for us to connect with. They are a young couple who already have one child at home and are considering considering adoption for the child they are expecting. After hearing a little bit about us, they requested a copy of our match letter.
We immediately got to work writing up a brief "cover letter" to go with our match letter. It's funny how such a simple task became such a tedious process. As with our match letter, we over-analyzed every sentence. What if we sound desperate...what if we sound cheesy...what if they're looking for something else in an adoptive family? Finally, we stopped and realized that it is just a letter. While they may be the family God intended for us to meet, they may not be that family. If they read our letter and decide they are looking for someone else, then at least we realized it early in the process! I don't believe they will just write us off so quickly though.
We rushed to prepare everything so that I could run to the post office during my lunch break on Monday. After all, we wanted to waste no time. I was ready to hand deliver the letter, but that may have come across as desperate. :>) As I drove to work, the DJ on the radio reminded me that it was Columbus day so the USPS was closed. Are you kidding me? After all that, we were going to have to wait another 24 hours to mail the letter. Again, we had to bring some perspective into the situation. The girl is not due tomorrow, so an extra day will not harm anything. Finally, Tuesday arrived and I was able to sneak over to the post office during my lunch. As I sealed up the envelope, I said a little prayer, asking God to bless this situation and to be with the birth family as they read about us. Now...we wait.
Once they have a chance to read our letter, they will decide if they want to make contact with us. We provided them with phone numbers and e-mail addresses, as they had requested. After that, we will take it step by step.
Even if this does not work out for us, it is still comforting to have potential families pop up occasionally. It helps remind us that God is at work in this situation.
For any adoptive-mothers(to-be) out there, I just finished a great book. Secret Thoughts of an Adoptive Mother by Jana Wolff is a look at her experience as an adoptive mom. It takes you through her entire experience. It is exactly what I had been looking for in a book about adoption. It wasn't cheesy or too clinical. It was simply a story and I loved it.
We immediately got to work writing up a brief "cover letter" to go with our match letter. It's funny how such a simple task became such a tedious process. As with our match letter, we over-analyzed every sentence. What if we sound desperate...what if we sound cheesy...what if they're looking for something else in an adoptive family? Finally, we stopped and realized that it is just a letter. While they may be the family God intended for us to meet, they may not be that family. If they read our letter and decide they are looking for someone else, then at least we realized it early in the process! I don't believe they will just write us off so quickly though.
We rushed to prepare everything so that I could run to the post office during my lunch break on Monday. After all, we wanted to waste no time. I was ready to hand deliver the letter, but that may have come across as desperate. :>) As I drove to work, the DJ on the radio reminded me that it was Columbus day so the USPS was closed. Are you kidding me? After all that, we were going to have to wait another 24 hours to mail the letter. Again, we had to bring some perspective into the situation. The girl is not due tomorrow, so an extra day will not harm anything. Finally, Tuesday arrived and I was able to sneak over to the post office during my lunch. As I sealed up the envelope, I said a little prayer, asking God to bless this situation and to be with the birth family as they read about us. Now...we wait.
Once they have a chance to read our letter, they will decide if they want to make contact with us. We provided them with phone numbers and e-mail addresses, as they had requested. After that, we will take it step by step.
Even if this does not work out for us, it is still comforting to have potential families pop up occasionally. It helps remind us that God is at work in this situation.
For any adoptive-mothers(to-be) out there, I just finished a great book. Secret Thoughts of an Adoptive Mother by Jana Wolff is a look at her experience as an adoptive mom. It takes you through her entire experience. It is exactly what I had been looking for in a book about adoption. It wasn't cheesy or too clinical. It was simply a story and I loved it.
Tuesday, September 21, 2010
Not lacking anything...
After my last post, I thought I would come back with a much better attitude and outlook on things. I have to say that just getting it out there helped in a big way. I am so appreciative to those who sent words of encouragement and reinforcement. There was one message in particular that kept popping up in each of my conversations, so I figured that would be a good topic for today.
I need to start appreciating and enjoying what I have now, because life will change significantly when we are placed with a baby. It’s time to take the focus off of what I do not have. Lately, I have really been looking at James 1:2-4. I wrote out the verses in my last posting, but verse four has stuck with me (…so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything). Maybe that is why we are in this waiting period. God is giving us an opportunity to become mature and complete.
I want to use this time to continue preparing for the addition of a child. While I don’t always put a lot of stock in the various books that are out there, that doesn’t mean that I shouldn’t read them. I want to keep reading books and articles on parenting and adoption. The more information that I have, the more confident I will feel when the time comes. I know that I’ll never feel completely prepared, but I feel like this is a step in the right direction. While I have the time, it wouldn’t hurt to read up.
Matt and I also need to take advantage of this time that we have together. We know that children are going to change our relationship. That’s not to say it will be a bad change…just a change. Several friends who have recently added to their families, through birth and adoption, have emphasized this point. This doesn’t mean we need to become spontaneous and fly to other countries (although that would be cool). Our friends and family know that spontaneity is not one of our stronger qualities. It merely means that we should enjoy peaceful conversations, hikes around the Valley, going to the movies, and the many other activities that are a little harder with young kids. It’s through these things that our relationship will grow stronger, and make us even better parents.
While that is not a complete list of opportunities, it is a start. We’re going to work on taking advantage of this time that we have, even though we don’t actually know how much time there is. I want to make sure that when we bring our son/daughter home, we know that we are not lacking anything.
I need to start appreciating and enjoying what I have now, because life will change significantly when we are placed with a baby. It’s time to take the focus off of what I do not have. Lately, I have really been looking at James 1:2-4. I wrote out the verses in my last posting, but verse four has stuck with me (…so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything). Maybe that is why we are in this waiting period. God is giving us an opportunity to become mature and complete.
I want to use this time to continue preparing for the addition of a child. While I don’t always put a lot of stock in the various books that are out there, that doesn’t mean that I shouldn’t read them. I want to keep reading books and articles on parenting and adoption. The more information that I have, the more confident I will feel when the time comes. I know that I’ll never feel completely prepared, but I feel like this is a step in the right direction. While I have the time, it wouldn’t hurt to read up.
Matt and I also need to take advantage of this time that we have together. We know that children are going to change our relationship. That’s not to say it will be a bad change…just a change. Several friends who have recently added to their families, through birth and adoption, have emphasized this point. This doesn’t mean we need to become spontaneous and fly to other countries (although that would be cool). Our friends and family know that spontaneity is not one of our stronger qualities. It merely means that we should enjoy peaceful conversations, hikes around the Valley, going to the movies, and the many other activities that are a little harder with young kids. It’s through these things that our relationship will grow stronger, and make us even better parents.
While that is not a complete list of opportunities, it is a start. We’re going to work on taking advantage of this time that we have, even though we don’t actually know how much time there is. I want to make sure that when we bring our son/daughter home, we know that we are not lacking anything.
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