So much to learn!

It's hard to believe that CJ is almost three weeks old. I have not be great about updating this blog, but I'm hoping to get better about posting new stuff.

I don't even know where to begin other than to say that this new life of ours is amazing. I knew that life would change once CJ arrived, but I don't think I was prepared for how much. Don't get me wrong, I love him in a way that I didn't know was possible, but that definitely doesn't mean that it's always been easy.

When we first brought him home, I really felt as though we were babysitting a friend's baby. It didn't feel real. I didn't feel like a mom...whatever that means. Over the past few weeks, I have slowly started to realize this new role. I don't know that I fully feel like a mom, but I know that I am well on my way. It really put my mind at ease when a friend (with a biological baby) told me that she had experienced the same thing. It takes time. We're building a relationship.

One of my first "mom" experiences came during a dr appt. CJ was crying pretty hard while our pediatrician (who is amazing) was examining him. I can't say that I blame him. The room was cold and he was almost naked...I'd be upset if I had to go through that. Anyway, the doctor had tried a few things to calm him, but it wasn't working. I leaned down, touched his head and started talking to him. Within a few seconds, he had stopped crying. Talk about a rush of emotion; it was awesome. Since we're on the topic, I just have to mention how incredibly blessed we are that he is so healthy. We were not sure if he would have any issues, and are extremely relieved that we are in the clear so far. At each of our appts, our doctor has shared her excitement for his continued good health and development. We pray that he continues to stay healthy and strong.

I've always heard people talk about how amazing babies are, and how you marvel at everything they do. I had experienced that a little with my friends' children, but am at a whole different level now. I could literally watch him for hours. I love how his face crinkles up at random times, and how he goes into a milk coma after feedings, and the noise he makes when his sneeze doesn't come out all the way. Matt and I have talked about how excited we are for the day when he smiles at us because he is happy, and not because he has gas. I cherish each moment I have with him, but look forward to when he is able to interact with us more.

I guess I'll end with what I miss the most...sleep. I am learning how to survive on around 5 decent hours of sleep each night. He typically goes about three hours from the start of one feeding, to the start of the next. Between feeding, burping and changing, it takes about 45 minutes per feeding. That means that I get about 2 hours of sleep at a time. Unfortunately, his sleep has become more restless in the past few days, so he is constantly groaning and making little baby noises (which actually sound more like animal noises). I feel worse for Matt because he has to get up each morning for work, so he really needs a good night's rest. We'll get used to it...soon, I hope. :)

As we adjust to our new role as parents, we look forward to showing CJ off to each of you. You have all played an important role in our lives, and in this process. Now that he is here, I am even more grateful for the support that you have given. We have been truly blessed!

Simply amazing!!!

I realized this morning that I should probably write down all that happened one week ago. Please don't feel as though you have to read this; I just wanted to make sure that I don't forget any of the wonderful details.

Monday, January 10th
3:00pm - Got a call from Brooke that she was dilated 4cm. Her doctor told her that it could be any day, but that they would induce on Thursday (1/14) if the baby hadn't arrived sooner.
8:45pm - Got another call from Brooke asking us to head down to the hospital.
8:47pm - on the road - just kidding, but we were on the road within 10 minutes
10:45pm - arrived at Tucson Medical Center

Tuesday, January 11th
12:30am - Doctor stopped by and was pleased by Brooke's progress. He said that if her labor slowed down at all, they would give her pitocin to speed it along. He ordered her epidural, which helped her out a lot.
4:00am - Contractions slowed down quite a bit, so they gave her pitocin to get it moving. It immediately started the contractions again.
5:00am - She was ready to start pushing, but had to wait a few minutes until the doctor could arrive.
5:24am - Our little angel arrived, after only two pushes from Brooke. He was ready!!

7lbs, 4oz
19.5 in

The only way that I can describe the birth was amazing! To witness a new life join this world was incredible. I thought I would stay back a bit, but I was right up at the front throughout. I even cut his umbilical cord.

After all of the various tests and assessments, it was determined that Caleb was in perfect health...praise God!

We spent all day Tuesday in the nursery and visiting with Brooke. In the early afternoon, we had the entrustment ceremony (which was awesome). Brooke's cousin, Justin, wrote a special prayer for the occasion. As he finished the prayer, Brooke handed Caleb over to us, entrusting him in our care. It was very emotional, but simple and beautiful. During this time, we were also able to meet Brooke's aunt and uncle. We spent as much time with Caleb as possible that day, to really start developing the bond. The nursery staff were nice enough to get us an extra wristband for Matt (required for entry into the nursery). At about 9:30pm, after 40 hours at the hospital, we went over to our hotel across the street to get a little sleep. We had hoped to stay at the hospital, but they had a lot of women come in to deliver and did not have any extra space for us. We slept for 9 hours, and probably could have gone a couple more if we weren't so excited to get back to see him.

Wednesday, we again spent most of the day with Caleb. We got to visit with Brooke for a few minutes, but she was released a few hours before Caleb. They let us use the waiting room in the maternity ward as a room for the day, since not a lot of people were in there. Matt's dad drove down during lunch and got to spend a few hours with his grandson. Very special!! In the mid-afternoon, Caleb's nurse informed us that he was ready to be discharged once our counselor could come and sign the documents. The baby was signed over to Christian Family Care's custody, and they turned him over to our care. We are technically foster parents until we are able to get our court date to finalize the adoption. At around 5:30pm, the nurse escorted us out to our car, and we were on our way home. It was very surreal to drive to Phoenix with a newborn baby riding with us!

Showered with love!

Our family and friends are such a blessing. Over the past two weeks, we have had a few baby showers. Friends at West campus planned a shower for me just before Christmas, and we were able to stock up on receiving blankets, onesies, and other amazingly cute items! Yesterday, my girlfriends hosted a shower for me while Matt's friends planned a "man shower." We now have a great stock of baby toiletries, diapers, wipes, and other essentials. The wonderful faculty and staff at Shepherd all pitched in and bought us our travel system. The remaining items we've needed have been given to us by friends who are no longer using them. I don't know that we are able to fully thank everyone, not only for the gifts but also for the prayers.

As we move into the final days before the baby arrives, we want to let you know that we'll do our best to keep you updated. Once we get the call to head down to Tucson, we'll have my sister post updates on Facebook (once our family gets a call, of course). As soon as we get internet access, and have the time, we'll post updates as well.

For friends that live nearby, we hope you understand that we'll go into seclusion for a few weeks once he arrives. Family - you are obviously welcome anytime. Once we adjust to life as parents, we'll start inviting people over.

Please pray that we have patience as we wait through these final days, pray for Brooke as she prepares for childbirth, and pray that Baby Fischer is healthy.

Getting closer

This is really long...I apologize!

We are definitely getting closer to the arrival of our little one. It is still surreal to think that in just 2 ½ to 3 weeks, he’ll be a part of our family. I’m now at the point where I just want him to be here. At first, I was a little terrified at the thought of caring for someone else. Now, I’m just excited.

The nursery is well on its way. We painted over the weekend, keeping beige on top and adding blue to the bottom. Last night, Matt and our friend Jeremy installed the chair rail around the room. We’re lucky to have such handy friends!! Now, we just need to spackle the nails and paint it white. There are a few touch ups we’ll have to do on the walls, but it is pretty close to complete. We’re hoping to put the furniture back in on Friday. The theme is sports…which should not be a surprise. If you’d like to see what the bedding looks like, you can peek at our Babies R Us registry.

The big event this week was visiting with Brooke. We met up to discuss the adoption and birth plan. During the first year, we’ll meet up with her significantly more than in future years, which is pretty normal. We’ll have regular phone calls and e-mails as well. We’ve promised to take a lot of pictures, which will be sent to her or given during our visits. Throughout the meeting, we realized that we are all on the same page about frequency of visits and different expectations. I think we all walked away feeling very good about the arrangements.

Probably the most amazing part of the meeting came when she asked us if we had chosen a name. We shared it with her (sorry to those who have asked and been denied that info, I think she’s earned the right to know ). Some of you know that she had already chosen a name for him, so we were concerned that she would not appreciate a new name for him. Ultimately, it is our decision, but we want to be sensitive to her as well. She surprised us all by asking the counselor to change the plan so that our name will be listed on the birth certificate instead of the one she chose. She was very firm in her decision, even though we suggested that she think about that a little longer. She said that if we are going to be parenting him, that she wants our name to be used. When the counselor wrote his name on the documents, I got a little choked up. We’ve talked about the name, and even written the first and middle, but I had not seen it all written out. It was awesome to see!

I’m also very excited about the birth plan. Brooke has invited into the delivery room with her. Matt is still trying to decide how he feels about that, but I’m looking forward to it. The hospital will set us up with a comfort room, so that we can stay with the baby. Brooke will be the first to hold him, but he’ll remain with us until he is discharged. On the final day, when Brooke signs the relinquishment papers, we will have an “Entrustment Ceremony.” It will be very simple, but a chance to pray a blessing over the entire adoption. It is a symbolic way for her to entrust the care of the baby to us. For those of you who watch “16 and Pregnant” (I’m guessing you won’t admit it, but you know who you are), they had a similar ceremony in the first season with Catelynn and Tyler.

Meeting with her really cemented my feelings about this adoption. I have been confident that this is where God wants us to be, but a piece of me was still a little nervous about the whole thing. After talking more with Brooke, and reviewing the adoption itself, I am even more excited about it. It is hard to describe, although I’m sure it is a similar feeling to finding out that you are expecting.

Please continue to pray for Brooke, the baby and us. While everything is looking good with the process and their health, you just never know. Please also pray for Heidi and Brandon (couple in MN). We told them that we were not going to be able to move forward, and I’m not sure they took it well. Pray that they connect with an agency that can provide them with the support that they need right now.

How much could we possibly need??

I assumed that I knew how to prepare for a child. After all, many of our friends have kids and I've been able to observe. As people have started asking us questions, I have quickly realized that I have no idea what I'm doing; which I'm told is normal ;). It all started when we registered for baby stuff.

Honestly, how many types of bottles, pacifiers and diapers should be available? It was ridiculous. Babies R Us turned into pink and blue insanity. As we walked up and down aisles, I had to take mini breaks just to keep my composure. It was very exciting to register for these items; picturing each piece at our house being used by our child. Several times though, we had to ask the sales associates for assistance because we simply had no idea what we were doing.

The crazy thing is all of the gadgets that you "have to have." I'm pretty sure that we didn't get PeePee TeePees when my brother was born. For those asking, yes they are real, and yes we registered for them. Visit the registry if you aren't sure what they are (it's worth it). As a soon-to-be new parent, I started to fall prey to their marketing. Luckily, we would look at items, ask if we'd actually use it, and then wait a few minutes before adding it to the list. It saved us a few times. I'll admit that we did add a few things that probably aren't necessary. Why not?! After all, you never know when you'll need a PeePee TeePee. There were even a few items that looked good upon first glance, and then you realized that it was a little excessive. Example - the Baby Einstein activity mirror that hangs on the seat of your car for baby to look at as he rides backwards. It sounds like a great item...until you realize that a baby cannot reach the buttons. After a few minutes, you realize that it is just an expensive mirror.

I know that I joke about all of this, but I am truly excited to use some of the cool items that we've found. We may have fallen prey to their marketing tactics, but I'm pretty sure we'll enjoy using everything just as much as he will. :)

It's a BOY!

As many of you know, we have finally been officially matched with a birth mom. Here's a little bit of the story behind our decision.

After our return from Minneapolis, we spent a lot of time talking and praying about what we should do. We went over each situation and looked at the pros and cons (you can't be too surprised by that). It really seemed as though they were perfect opposites. Where one situation was strong, the other was weak; and vice versa. In either scenario, we knew that we would have to put our complete faith in God to see us through. There were unknowns with both birth mothers, so we had to decide which we were more comfortable with. To be fair to both birth moms, we wanted to have a decision by the end of the week.

Matt had a chance to speak with Brooke (birth mom in Tucson) on Thursday. He asked her questions, answered questions, and they even joked around about how ASU beat UofA in football recently. Brooke assured us that she had no hard feelings. :) After the conversation, he called me and said that he felt that this was the right situation for us. I agreed, and so here we are!

Brooke is due in mid-January; they are giving us the 10th as an estimate. Honestly, the baby could come at any time. We will be driving down to meet Brooke and the counselor on December 20th to discuss our "covenant." That is an agreement that we make with the birth mom regarding the openness of the adoption. We'll talk about how many visits we'd like, how many letters/updates each year, and the birth plan. It sounds like we'll have the chance to be in the room when he's born, and then we'll be able to stay at the hospital until he is released. We're really excited about that! When we talked with Brooke in November, we were all on the same page regarding visits and updates. We don't anticipate any difficulty in coming to a concensus. Our counselor says that Brooke is really excited that we want to move forward, especially since we are the only couple she had selected.

It is hard to describe how we are feeling right now - excited, anxious, nervous, unsure, terrified, unprepared, elated...you get the point. It is a very strange feeling, but it is amazing. We have a lot to do over the next few weeks. Luckily, Matt will be going on Christmas break after this next week, so he'll have time to do some painting and preparations in the room. So many people have stepped forward in various ways to help us prepare, and we are so grateful for that. I don't know where we would be without the love and support of our family and friends.

I will do my best to continue posting updates as they come. Once he arrives, we'll get as many pictures out there as possible. :)

Please pray for:
-Brandon & Heidi (birth parents in MN), as they look for other options.
-Brooke and the baby, as her due date rapidly approaches.
-us, as we try to prepare for this joyous event.

What a weekend!

Talk about a whirlwind trip; we've had a busy couple of days. We're home now, and can hardly believe that the weekend is already over. Here is a breakdown of our trip. I apologize if this is too many details for you.

Friday - We flew from Phoenix to Minneapolis. Due to bad weather, our flight was delayed three hours. My family was supposed to drive in from Fargo, but decided that it would not have been safe. As bummed as we were, it was much better to be safe than sorry. We finally landed in snowy Minneapolis at around 11:40pm and headed over to our hotel.

Saturday - Picked up our roller skate of a rental car in the morning. The idea of driving a compact Hyundai was more than a little scary, but it wasn't too bad. Matt actually enjoyed trying to make it spin out. By the early afternoon, the roads were fine. We spent some time at the Mall of America, mostly walking around. We almost rode one of the roller coasters, but I wasn't sure my stomach would appreciate it. We headed down to Red Wing after lunch and got checked into our second hotel of the weekend. we got in touch with Brandon & Heidi, and decided to meet for dinner in Lake City. On our drive into Red Wing, we saw a sign for the world's largest boot and decided we had to include that in our trip. On our way to meet the family, we stopped and got our picture taken with the size 638 boot. This was a welcome distraction from my anxiety. Dinner went well. Brandon and Heidi brought their son (Aiden) and his parents along. We used it more as a time to get to know them and to feel more comfortable with each other. It was like being on a first date, so there was a lot of small talk. The conversation consisted of interests, family history, likes/dislikes, etc. We did manage to get some of our questions answered. At the end of dinner, we decided to meet up the next afternoon with just Brandon and Heidi. His parents are great, but we were excited to spend some time with them.

Sunday - We had a lot of time to kill. Our hotel check-out was 11am, and we didn't plan to meet until the mid-afternoon. We were able to use the time to do some research on Minnesota adoption law (in addition to spending about an hour walking around Target - that store never gets old). We met up with them in the late afternoon and got to meet one of Brandon's brothers, who was hanging out at their apartment. We talked for awhile, and got more of our questions answered. I think we all felt pretty comfortable with each other. We also had fun playing with their son, Aiden. It was fun to find out things that we had in common, talk to them about their goals, and see what they are hoping for in an adoption. I think we are all on the same page as far as an open adoption, which is great!

I wish that we could say that we were closer to a decision, but we're still trying to figure things out. There are pros and cons on both sides. We have a few more details that we need to cover with both birth moms, and then we'll be able to make a decision. There are so many factors in adoption and I don't know that we'll ever be able to answer all of our questions. A big part of this process has been trusting God, and this part is no different.

We're going to continue asking for prayer, especially over the next few days. As soon as we've made a decision, we'll share it with you.