If you've followed my blog for any length of time, you know that we have an open adoption. So far, I've been surprised by how easy it has been to maintain that with CJ's birth mom. We don't meet often, but we are always excited to hear from her and look forward to visits when they are scheduled. It is easy to feel good about our relationship when things are good in her life (and ours); I think that is true of any relationship. It is when struggles and turmoil appear that you really have to define things. It may sound harsh, but the biggest question I am currently working through is how much responsibility should I feel toward her?
Right now, we are trying to figure out how to help her through something. As time goes by the situation continues to fester and grow into an even more convoluted problem. Each time we've spoken with her, another layer gets added to the madness. I'm at a point where I just don't know what to do. I see her as family, and I would do just about anything to help my family, but is that appropriate in this scenario?
While the current situation has caused me to evaluate things, I am realizing (as I type) that this is not the first time I've experienced these feelings. Each time that she has shared a hardship with us, an internal struggle develops within me. I want to reach out and provide what she needs to get through the current mess. The trouble is, I don't think that is always the right approach, and it definitely doesn't always help her in the long run. While I want to be sure that her basic needs are met, I cannot bear that burden all the time. But, how much should I offer? I don't know if this is something that other adoptive moms face, but it is driving me crazy.
While we were in the midst of the adoption process, I had a lot of ideas as to what the challenges of an open adoption would be. Not getting along with the birth mom, fearing that she would come to a meeting under the influence of something, bringing a guest to a meeting that we didn't know, worrying that she would try to take off with CJ, and a hundred more just like it. I can honestly say that defining my level of responsibility to the birth mom was not one of the things I had originally worried about.
I've found a few ways to support her recently, but I want to get closer to understanding what our relationship should look like. I know that we have to define that, but I also realize that I probably won't be able to do that without a little help from God. Prayer is going to play an integral role in figuring this out. I'm also hopeful that I can find books or talk with other women who can offer me some starting point.
Friday, January 25, 2013
Monday, January 7, 2013
Goal for 2013
I figure that if I actually write a goal down, and publish it online, I will be more likely to stick to it.
Since we were placed with CJ, I have wanted to write a book about adoption. As we prepared for the process, I could not find many books that gave a real mom's perspective. Everything was very clinical or related to international adoption. I just wanted to read someone's story of domestic adoption, knowing that our story could (probably would) be completely different. At least it would have given me a starting point.
This was the reason that I started my blog in the first place. I didn't want to start writing and forget about the hard times. It's so easy to focus on the good now that the process is over.
This is where you come in...I need your help. I want to be sure that I include things that people want to know. Could you comment with questions that you would like to know about adoption? No question is off limits. If you don't want to post it as a comment, I can give you my e-mail address. It may be something you asked me, or something that you wanted to ask me but didn't want to seem nosy. If you're an adoptive parent, what questions have you been asked?
Thanks in advance!
Since we were placed with CJ, I have wanted to write a book about adoption. As we prepared for the process, I could not find many books that gave a real mom's perspective. Everything was very clinical or related to international adoption. I just wanted to read someone's story of domestic adoption, knowing that our story could (probably would) be completely different. At least it would have given me a starting point.
This was the reason that I started my blog in the first place. I didn't want to start writing and forget about the hard times. It's so easy to focus on the good now that the process is over.
This is where you come in...I need your help. I want to be sure that I include things that people want to know. Could you comment with questions that you would like to know about adoption? No question is off limits. If you don't want to post it as a comment, I can give you my e-mail address. It may be something you asked me, or something that you wanted to ask me but didn't want to seem nosy. If you're an adoptive parent, what questions have you been asked?
Thanks in advance!
Tuesday, December 11, 2012
I'm a Mom, Therefore I Judge
I can't remember if I've already mentioned it, but Brooke (CJ's birth mom) is pregnant. She called to let me know right around when CJ turned 18 months. In our first conversation, I didn't have the nerve to ask what her plan was for this baby. I didn't want to push, but I also wanted to know in case she was considering adoption again. After all, it would be awesome to have a biological sibling for CJ. I called her back a few weeks later to talk about something else, and I decided to ask about her plan. She shared that they were planning to parent this time.
I feel guilty, but my heart dropped. I immediately made judgments that were not fair (or nice). I even verbalized these to some of our friends. I'm embarrassed. Who am I to assume that I know what will happen if Brooke parents a baby? How do I know what would be best for this child? While I can make some assumptions based on things I know and have seen, it is definitely not my place to do so. The more I've talked to Brooke since she shared the news, the happier I am for her. While I would still love to have a bio-sibling for CJ, I can tell that she will do everything in her power to give this child a good life. Even though it's been several months since our initial conversation, it still eats away at me a little.
As I've thought more about this, it got me thinking about how much we (as moms) tend to judge without even realizing it. Maybe we realize it, but we label it as something that sounds more appropriate. Bottom line, I don't know anyone that isn't guilty of this, myself included. There is already so much pressure as a mom, why do we allow ourselves to be dragged back into the drama that we thought we left after high school graduation? Lately, I've heard several friends talk about feeling judged for decisions that they are making or have made for their children. I have tried to figure out why we contribute to making each other feel like crap. I don't have an answer, but if I think of one I'll put it in a book and make millions.
I think a big part of it is that most women feel under-prepared and under-qualified to be a parent. We need to make someone else sound worse, in order for us to feel better. Related to that, we need to feel that our decisions truly are the best, which means putting down someone who made the opposite choice for her child. What do we hope to accomplish by criticizing a women for going back to work, or formula feeding, or opting to vaccinate. Wow, someone is revealing her issues! I can vividly remember a woman at church talking me to about staying home versus working. Her exact words were "You don't plan to go back to work, do you?" Oh, yeah, no judgment there (please read the strong sarcasm). I felt awful. As an adoptive mom, I'm sure there were women that wanted to know why I would adopt only to pop my son into daycare. Well, for starters, I was a better mom because I continued working. I think that I'm a better stay-at-home mom now because I had that experience. It took a long time for me to feel confident in my role as CJ's mom.
If someone wants to ask a leading question now, that is fine. I simply answer it, without apology, and move on. Neither of us will change our minds based on that conversation, so let's just stick to conversation that we can both agree on. Like, how crazy Brandi is on RHOBH (if you don't know that acronym, you won't appreciate that comment) or how a glass of chilled Moscato is always a good idea. What I've come to realize is that I will always find someone who thinks I'm doing it wrong, but I can also find someone who thinks I'm doing it right. In the end, as long as I'm raising my son in the best way I know how, I'm doing my job.
I feel guilty, but my heart dropped. I immediately made judgments that were not fair (or nice). I even verbalized these to some of our friends. I'm embarrassed. Who am I to assume that I know what will happen if Brooke parents a baby? How do I know what would be best for this child? While I can make some assumptions based on things I know and have seen, it is definitely not my place to do so. The more I've talked to Brooke since she shared the news, the happier I am for her. While I would still love to have a bio-sibling for CJ, I can tell that she will do everything in her power to give this child a good life. Even though it's been several months since our initial conversation, it still eats away at me a little.
As I've thought more about this, it got me thinking about how much we (as moms) tend to judge without even realizing it. Maybe we realize it, but we label it as something that sounds more appropriate. Bottom line, I don't know anyone that isn't guilty of this, myself included. There is already so much pressure as a mom, why do we allow ourselves to be dragged back into the drama that we thought we left after high school graduation? Lately, I've heard several friends talk about feeling judged for decisions that they are making or have made for their children. I have tried to figure out why we contribute to making each other feel like crap. I don't have an answer, but if I think of one I'll put it in a book and make millions.
I think a big part of it is that most women feel under-prepared and under-qualified to be a parent. We need to make someone else sound worse, in order for us to feel better. Related to that, we need to feel that our decisions truly are the best, which means putting down someone who made the opposite choice for her child. What do we hope to accomplish by criticizing a women for going back to work, or formula feeding, or opting to vaccinate. Wow, someone is revealing her issues! I can vividly remember a woman at church talking me to about staying home versus working. Her exact words were "You don't plan to go back to work, do you?" Oh, yeah, no judgment there (please read the strong sarcasm). I felt awful. As an adoptive mom, I'm sure there were women that wanted to know why I would adopt only to pop my son into daycare. Well, for starters, I was a better mom because I continued working. I think that I'm a better stay-at-home mom now because I had that experience. It took a long time for me to feel confident in my role as CJ's mom.
If someone wants to ask a leading question now, that is fine. I simply answer it, without apology, and move on. Neither of us will change our minds based on that conversation, so let's just stick to conversation that we can both agree on. Like, how crazy Brandi is on RHOBH (if you don't know that acronym, you won't appreciate that comment) or how a glass of chilled Moscato is always a good idea. What I've come to realize is that I will always find someone who thinks I'm doing it wrong, but I can also find someone who thinks I'm doing it right. In the end, as long as I'm raising my son in the best way I know how, I'm doing my job.
Saturday, November 3, 2012
The Big Debate
When we started the adoption process, we had already decided that we wanted two children. Despite the intense process and extreme cost, we felt that our life plan was going to include two little ones. I should stop there and ask myself why we continue to believe that we have any control in planning our lives. Have I not learned? Anyway, we still felt that we were in the driver's seat, so we continued planning.
When we moved to Nevada at the end of June, we immediately started talking about finding an agency. We had renewed our certification in Arizona just a few months earlier, but it is not valid in Nevada. We knew that we would have to begin again and we didn't want to waste any time. I contacted several agencies and the county to learn more about their respective processes and to find out dates of upcoming information sessions. Twice, I contacted the county to find out upcoming dates. For whatever reason, we continued to put it off. There was always a reason not to attend one of the sessions.
Several times, people asked us if/when we were going to start the process again. Each time, I told them that we wanted to and I wasn't sure why we hadn't moved forward yet. I answered that question so many times, and I never stopped to really look at why we were putting it off so much. After all, we were excited by the thought of a sibling for CJ. I loved the baby stage, and couldn't wait to have an infant again.
Finally, one day it hit me. Maybe my hesitation was God's way of saying "slow down." I wish I could describe the feeling that I was experiencing. I desperately wanted to adopt another baby, but at the same time I just didn't feel right about it. It seems impossible to have both of those feelings at the same time. They are completely in conflict with each other, and yet there I was. I confided in a friend that I wasn't 100% sure if our path was to include another adoption. Saying it out loud felt so good! A few days later, I was in a small group bible study, and I confessed the same feelings to them. It felt as though the more I said it out loud, the more I was accepting it.
At dinner one night, Matt asked me how I was feeling about another adoption. I admitted that I was unsure, and he shared that he had the same feeling. I was so relieved that we were on the same page. In the past, when CJ was having a fit or acting completely nuts, we joked that maybe we were good with one. I don't think either of us were serious in those moments though.
I continue to pray for wisdom from God to see His will for our family. As much as I thought I wanted to adopt again, I feel a sense of peace about being a family of three. Our feelings could just be God's way of putting us on hold for a little while. Who knows, we may be blessed with a child in the future (biological or adopted). I just plan to enjoy our life as it stands right now. I have the joy of staying home with CJ, and I'm going to make the most of it without worrying about what the future holds.
When we moved to Nevada at the end of June, we immediately started talking about finding an agency. We had renewed our certification in Arizona just a few months earlier, but it is not valid in Nevada. We knew that we would have to begin again and we didn't want to waste any time. I contacted several agencies and the county to learn more about their respective processes and to find out dates of upcoming information sessions. Twice, I contacted the county to find out upcoming dates. For whatever reason, we continued to put it off. There was always a reason not to attend one of the sessions.
Several times, people asked us if/when we were going to start the process again. Each time, I told them that we wanted to and I wasn't sure why we hadn't moved forward yet. I answered that question so many times, and I never stopped to really look at why we were putting it off so much. After all, we were excited by the thought of a sibling for CJ. I loved the baby stage, and couldn't wait to have an infant again.
Finally, one day it hit me. Maybe my hesitation was God's way of saying "slow down." I wish I could describe the feeling that I was experiencing. I desperately wanted to adopt another baby, but at the same time I just didn't feel right about it. It seems impossible to have both of those feelings at the same time. They are completely in conflict with each other, and yet there I was. I confided in a friend that I wasn't 100% sure if our path was to include another adoption. Saying it out loud felt so good! A few days later, I was in a small group bible study, and I confessed the same feelings to them. It felt as though the more I said it out loud, the more I was accepting it.
At dinner one night, Matt asked me how I was feeling about another adoption. I admitted that I was unsure, and he shared that he had the same feeling. I was so relieved that we were on the same page. In the past, when CJ was having a fit or acting completely nuts, we joked that maybe we were good with one. I don't think either of us were serious in those moments though.
I continue to pray for wisdom from God to see His will for our family. As much as I thought I wanted to adopt again, I feel a sense of peace about being a family of three. Our feelings could just be God's way of putting us on hold for a little while. Who knows, we may be blessed with a child in the future (biological or adopted). I just plan to enjoy our life as it stands right now. I have the joy of staying home with CJ, and I'm going to make the most of it without worrying about what the future holds.
Friday, November 2, 2012
Irony
Anyone that has children, or has been around children, knows that no matter how much you love them they can easily drive you nuts. A few weeks ago was a prime example for me. Why did I wait a few weeks to post about it? I think I've just been trying to figure out how everything got so crazy. I find it ironic that I experienced a weekend from hell, just a few days after I posted about how much I'm enjoying staying home. I honestly do love being a stay-at-home mom, but last weekend pushed me to my limits.
In the middle of October, Matt went out of town to hike the Grand Canyon with a few friends, so CJ and I had the weekend to ourselves. He hadn't slept well on Friday night, so I figured that Saturday would be an easy day because he'd take a long nap. Yeah right! He fell asleep in the car while we were out, which ended up being the only 20 minutes he slept during the day. Somehow, he mustered the energy to drive me nuts all afternoon. It really felt like he was just jumping from one bad decision to another. When he went down to bed at 8pm, I figured that I would have a quiet evening with lots of sleep. Wrong again! He woke up from 11-12, 3-4 and 5-5:30am.
While I was really tired, I decided that church would do us some good. 15 minutes into church, CJ fell asleep. This was good because he wasn't making a ton of noise, but I was terrified that he wouldn't take his normal afternoon nap. Sure enough, he did not go back to sleep that afternoon. Again, his waking hours were spent driving me crazy. He would climb on the dining room table, and then reset the DirecTV box, and then open the liquor cabinet (which I know should be childproofed). It was a never-ending circle of mayhem! I could tell he was tired that night, but I was skeptical that he would actually sleep. Just in case, I decided to take a bubble bath and have a glass of wine. If I was going to be up all night, I might as well be somewhat relaxed. To my surprise, he slept until 5:30am, which was better than some mornings.
By Monday (Matt's return date) I was physically, mentally and emotionally wiped out. I had not really had any down time during the weekend, and CJ and I were starting to really drive each other nuts! Thankfully, we had preschool that morning, which kept him from falling asleep early. As I fought him to take a nap later, I lost it. It's a little embarrassing to admit that I simply broke down, but I think most moms can sympathize. I was so excited when Matt called to let me know that he would be home 3 hours earlier than expected. I saw the light at the end of the tunnel! By the time Matt got home I was fried.
I learned a lot in those few days. Never had I gone that close to the edge of crazy. There may have been moments where I crossed over into crazy. Looking back, I see some things that I probably could have done to keep what was left of my sanity. Here are the three biggest lessons:
1. I should have realized that he was not going to keep himself occupied without getting in trouble. Instead of hoping that I could get things done, I should have just stopped trying and taken him to the park. Honestly, no one would have cared if my dishes weren't done or if the vacuuming was delayed by a day. I think I would have been in a better place had we just gone and done things to keep him busy.
2. I could have called a friend to help. I am lucky to have two friends within a 30 second walk of my house. By Sunday afternoon, I probably should have just called them to watch CJ for 30 minutes so I could regain my composure.
3. Wine and a bubble bath really does a body good! I truly felt like a new person when I stepped out of that tub. I highly recommend it if you are ever on the verge of a breakdown!
While I didn't win "Mom of the Year" that weekend, it could have been worse (although not much). Hopefully, I'll remember this experience in the future and avoid insanity.
In the middle of October, Matt went out of town to hike the Grand Canyon with a few friends, so CJ and I had the weekend to ourselves. He hadn't slept well on Friday night, so I figured that Saturday would be an easy day because he'd take a long nap. Yeah right! He fell asleep in the car while we were out, which ended up being the only 20 minutes he slept during the day. Somehow, he mustered the energy to drive me nuts all afternoon. It really felt like he was just jumping from one bad decision to another. When he went down to bed at 8pm, I figured that I would have a quiet evening with lots of sleep. Wrong again! He woke up from 11-12, 3-4 and 5-5:30am.
While I was really tired, I decided that church would do us some good. 15 minutes into church, CJ fell asleep. This was good because he wasn't making a ton of noise, but I was terrified that he wouldn't take his normal afternoon nap. Sure enough, he did not go back to sleep that afternoon. Again, his waking hours were spent driving me crazy. He would climb on the dining room table, and then reset the DirecTV box, and then open the liquor cabinet (which I know should be childproofed). It was a never-ending circle of mayhem! I could tell he was tired that night, but I was skeptical that he would actually sleep. Just in case, I decided to take a bubble bath and have a glass of wine. If I was going to be up all night, I might as well be somewhat relaxed. To my surprise, he slept until 5:30am, which was better than some mornings.
By Monday (Matt's return date) I was physically, mentally and emotionally wiped out. I had not really had any down time during the weekend, and CJ and I were starting to really drive each other nuts! Thankfully, we had preschool that morning, which kept him from falling asleep early. As I fought him to take a nap later, I lost it. It's a little embarrassing to admit that I simply broke down, but I think most moms can sympathize. I was so excited when Matt called to let me know that he would be home 3 hours earlier than expected. I saw the light at the end of the tunnel! By the time Matt got home I was fried.
I learned a lot in those few days. Never had I gone that close to the edge of crazy. There may have been moments where I crossed over into crazy. Looking back, I see some things that I probably could have done to keep what was left of my sanity. Here are the three biggest lessons:
1. I should have realized that he was not going to keep himself occupied without getting in trouble. Instead of hoping that I could get things done, I should have just stopped trying and taken him to the park. Honestly, no one would have cared if my dishes weren't done or if the vacuuming was delayed by a day. I think I would have been in a better place had we just gone and done things to keep him busy.
2. I could have called a friend to help. I am lucky to have two friends within a 30 second walk of my house. By Sunday afternoon, I probably should have just called them to watch CJ for 30 minutes so I could regain my composure.
3. Wine and a bubble bath really does a body good! I truly felt like a new person when I stepped out of that tub. I highly recommend it if you are ever on the verge of a breakdown!
While I didn't win "Mom of the Year" that weekend, it could have been worse (although not much). Hopefully, I'll remember this experience in the future and avoid insanity.
Tuesday, October 16, 2012
My 3-Month Evaluation
In most jobs, you receive a review or evaluation after three months. I figured that being a stay-at-home mom is now my job, so I should evaluate how the last three months have gone.
All in all, I would say that things have been pretty good. CJ and I have gotten into a fun routine of activities, and have made lots of friends that have provided support as I adjusted to this new role. That is not to say that I haven't had moments of insanity...trust me, there have been plenty. Given how nervous I was at the idea of staying home, I would say that my expectations have been exceeded. Here are a few things that have been keeping us busy:
We were invited (by my dear friend Evelyn) to join a preschool co-op with four other families. While CJ is a little young, there are other kids his age and it's been a great way for him to socialize and learn a little here and there. He loves these kids (and their moms), and is always excited to see them. I also appreciate having them as a support for me. They have all worked in the past, and understand she of the struggles that I've gone through as I've adjusted.
I joined Bible Study Fellowship (also thanks to Evelyn). Not only do I get to participate in a bible study each week, they have a children's program that introduces CJ to bible stories. I have really enjoyed taking time in the middle of my week to sing hymns, study the book of Genesis, and get to know other Christian women from around Las Vegas.
We have found other activities around Las Vegas. Our local library offers story time a few times each week that includes songs and dances. CJ isn't always excited to go, but I've caught him singing the songs at home a few times. I think he likes the idea of it, but the number of kids involved makes him a little nervous (and it's right before his lunch time). We also joined the children's museum. It is a little far from our house, but CJ has a great time whenever we go. While it isn't as good as the one in Phoenix, they are building a new location that should be amazing. Summerlin has some amazing parks, which has also provided us with endless hours of entertainment.
Now every valid evaluation should include areas for improvement. One of my biggest is taking time away from CJ. I am with him all the time. I love him dearly, but it has become very clear to me that I need breaks (and not just during nap time). I've asked Matt to keep me accountable in this area, because I know that I won't do it myself. It is also good for Matt and CJ to have time together without me. Even if I just take an hour to walk around Target, it helps me regain my sanity. Another area for improvement is finding different activities to keep us busy. I don't always want to go out, and finances are limited. Thank goodness for Pinterest. I have so many great ideas at my fingertips. He is still a little young for a lot the fun stuff I've found, but we've got a good list going.
The reason that I have enjoyed staying home this much is that we've found a community of friends and a variety of activities. I've figured out the right balance of how much CJ can handle before he starts to break down. While I have a lot to learn, I am proud of how I've done so far. It's funny; now that I've been home for a few months, the idea of returning to work is a little scary (quite the contrast from how I felt before we moved to Las Vegas).
All in all, I would say that things have been pretty good. CJ and I have gotten into a fun routine of activities, and have made lots of friends that have provided support as I adjusted to this new role. That is not to say that I haven't had moments of insanity...trust me, there have been plenty. Given how nervous I was at the idea of staying home, I would say that my expectations have been exceeded. Here are a few things that have been keeping us busy:
We were invited (by my dear friend Evelyn) to join a preschool co-op with four other families. While CJ is a little young, there are other kids his age and it's been a great way for him to socialize and learn a little here and there. He loves these kids (and their moms), and is always excited to see them. I also appreciate having them as a support for me. They have all worked in the past, and understand she of the struggles that I've gone through as I've adjusted.
I joined Bible Study Fellowship (also thanks to Evelyn). Not only do I get to participate in a bible study each week, they have a children's program that introduces CJ to bible stories. I have really enjoyed taking time in the middle of my week to sing hymns, study the book of Genesis, and get to know other Christian women from around Las Vegas.
We have found other activities around Las Vegas. Our local library offers story time a few times each week that includes songs and dances. CJ isn't always excited to go, but I've caught him singing the songs at home a few times. I think he likes the idea of it, but the number of kids involved makes him a little nervous (and it's right before his lunch time). We also joined the children's museum. It is a little far from our house, but CJ has a great time whenever we go. While it isn't as good as the one in Phoenix, they are building a new location that should be amazing. Summerlin has some amazing parks, which has also provided us with endless hours of entertainment.
Now every valid evaluation should include areas for improvement. One of my biggest is taking time away from CJ. I am with him all the time. I love him dearly, but it has become very clear to me that I need breaks (and not just during nap time). I've asked Matt to keep me accountable in this area, because I know that I won't do it myself. It is also good for Matt and CJ to have time together without me. Even if I just take an hour to walk around Target, it helps me regain my sanity. Another area for improvement is finding different activities to keep us busy. I don't always want to go out, and finances are limited. Thank goodness for Pinterest. I have so many great ideas at my fingertips. He is still a little young for a lot the fun stuff I've found, but we've got a good list going.
The reason that I have enjoyed staying home this much is that we've found a community of friends and a variety of activities. I've figured out the right balance of how much CJ can handle before he starts to break down. While I have a lot to learn, I am proud of how I've done so far. It's funny; now that I've been home for a few months, the idea of returning to work is a little scary (quite the contrast from how I felt before we moved to Las Vegas).
Thursday, August 16, 2012
Take a breath!
Matt and I have talked a lot about adopting a second child. We would love to give CJ the gift of a little brother or sister. Since we've settled into our new life in Las Vegas, it seemed like a great time to start the process again, especially since I'm staying home with CJ.
We've been through the process already, so I started out feeling very confident in my ability to navigate the system in Nevada. I contacted a few agencies to get information, and began researching laws and policies within the state. Unfortunately, we're going to have to start from scratch, although we already knew that was going to be the case.
As I began to really think about adoption, I started to feel very overwhelmed. Honestly, they were the same feelings that I experienced when we originally started talking about adoption in 2009. Several times, I've asked myself "how can we do this?" Time, finances, and emotions were at the top of my list. Can we really afford to adopt again? Is this the best time? What if we never get picked? How will the process impact CJ? How can we go through the process with CJ?
Breathe!
I am amused that I went so crazy so fast. We have not selected an agency, or even attended an orientation/interest meeting. Actually, we haven't fully decided to move forward with a second adoption. Why am I so concerned that we can't do it, or that we'll experience huge road blocks along the way?
Yes, it can be expensive, but we managed to save enough money the last time. Yes, there is a chance that we won't be picked, but Brooke picked us the last time. Yes, it is time consuming, but we lived through it the last time. Given that we successfully adopted once already, there is no reason to think that we can't do it again.
I have to remind myself that God is with us, guiding us through the process of parenthood. Maybe this is the perfect time to adopt, and maybe it's not. I must trust that God will direct our paths, as He has always done. If/When the time is right, God will grow our family again. If His plan does not include a second child, then we will continue to thank Him for the blessing of CJ.
We've been through the process already, so I started out feeling very confident in my ability to navigate the system in Nevada. I contacted a few agencies to get information, and began researching laws and policies within the state. Unfortunately, we're going to have to start from scratch, although we already knew that was going to be the case.
As I began to really think about adoption, I started to feel very overwhelmed. Honestly, they were the same feelings that I experienced when we originally started talking about adoption in 2009. Several times, I've asked myself "how can we do this?" Time, finances, and emotions were at the top of my list. Can we really afford to adopt again? Is this the best time? What if we never get picked? How will the process impact CJ? How can we go through the process with CJ?
Breathe!
I am amused that I went so crazy so fast. We have not selected an agency, or even attended an orientation/interest meeting. Actually, we haven't fully decided to move forward with a second adoption. Why am I so concerned that we can't do it, or that we'll experience huge road blocks along the way?
Yes, it can be expensive, but we managed to save enough money the last time. Yes, there is a chance that we won't be picked, but Brooke picked us the last time. Yes, it is time consuming, but we lived through it the last time. Given that we successfully adopted once already, there is no reason to think that we can't do it again.
I have to remind myself that God is with us, guiding us through the process of parenthood. Maybe this is the perfect time to adopt, and maybe it's not. I must trust that God will direct our paths, as He has always done. If/When the time is right, God will grow our family again. If His plan does not include a second child, then we will continue to thank Him for the blessing of CJ.
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