I have tried so many times to write this post. My first version was outdated when Brooke delivered the baby two weeks earlier than expected. Then, I attempted to update things and just couldn't keep up with the constant changes with the situation. Finally, I just wasn't in the mood to write anything. Now that I'm back to "normal" life, I want to give you an idea of what has been going on in our lives.
In mid-January, we met with Brooke. We were visiting Matt's family, and thought we'd visit her too. It was great catching up, especially hearing about how her pregnancy was going. During our conversation, she shared that she was expecting some hard times ahead, and wondered if we would consider taking temporary custody of the baby until she could get some things in order. We were floored, but wanted to support her as much as possible. We were so grateful that she considered us to help her, but also terrified at the same time.
Baby Alex was due March 14th, so we had a lot of time to get things in order. We consulted with an adoption agency and an attorney to find out how to handle a temporary custody. We prepared things at home as well. CJ was moved into a big boy bed. It was time anyway, and this seemed like a great reason to move him out of the crib. After a few nights of falling out or refusing to stay in bed, I think we've gotten him used to it.
On February 25th, Brooke called me to check in about our plans for the baby's arrival. She felt that the baby was going to come early, and wanted to make sure that we'd be prepared to head down. I told her we'd be ready. I did not realize that we'd hear from her as soon as we did. Two hours later, she called to let me know she was headed to the hospital. I packed (aka - ran around my house frantically trying to find everything I needed for a few days). I was on the road an hour later.
This little guy was ready to come out; she delivered two hours later. I guess I didn't need to rush down anymore. I got into Tucson around midnight and spent that night in Brooke's room. Over the next few days, I spent a lot time hanging out with Brooke and Alex, and waiting to hear how things were going to work with discharge.
I don't know if I was just too tired, or experiencing too many emotions about trying to things in order, but I finally had a breakdown on Thursday. I was overwhelmed and alone, not a great combination. I called Matt in tears, just trying to get my thoughts in order. That afternoon, he booked a flight for him and CJ, and they joined me in Tucson about 10 hours later. While it wasn't planned, we tried to make it fun for CJ. The people at the Ronald McDonald House were so great about keeping him occupied (see my last post about how wonderful they are).
Well, things did not go exactly how we had planned. Without getting into too much detail, it was determined that the baby would need to be placed in foster care until we were able to get some paperwork in order. We were disappointed, but understood. We got home one week later, and will begin the home study process here in Nevada. We'll continue to update the blog to let you know where things are, and when we are finally able to bring Alex to our house.
I'll continue to share how the process is working for us.
Thursday, March 7, 2013
Friday, March 1, 2013
RMH Rocks!
*I will post a blog explaining why we're at Ronald McDonald House, but for now, I just want to share what a blessing they are!
I need to give a major shout out to the Ronald McDonald House in Tucson. I've heard stories from families who have stayed at a RMH, and it has always been very positive. Now that I'm one of those families, I just wanted to share what a blessing they have been to us over the past few days.
When the social worker at the hospital mentioned RMH, I didn't think I would qualify because we don't technically have a child in the hospital. She told me that she has set up adoptive families with them when there has been room. Our situation was a little different, but she thought we'd still be eligible. She sent the referral over, and they accepted me (Matt and CJ weren't here yet). I headed over to sign the necessary paperwork and take a tour of the facility.
I literally choked up as she walked me throughout the building, sharing the different amenities offered to families. If you've not been involved with RMH, I'll share some of the amazing features:
*Our room (and meals - breakfast, lunch & dinner) is $15/night. The night before, I had paid $90 for a shady hotel and mediocre breakfast just up the road. In addition to meals, they have two community refrigerators where they store all of the leftovers so that we can snack if we get hungry at random times.
*The room has Tempur-pedic beds, which are very nice! They also stocked the bathroom with every toiletry item we could possibly need.
*In the room, they left a blanket and stuffed animal for kids who stay. Even though we don't have Alex yet, they said we should take an extra for him.
*When we checked in Matt this morning, they took CJ back to the toy room and let him pick out anything he wanted. It was literally a large closet filled with brand new toys. He chose a very large John Deere tractor.
*They have a full play room and outdoor play area for kids, which kept CJ busy all morning.
*They have free laundry machines for us to use as we need.
*The manager came over to us this morning and gave us a box of individually wrapped cracker packages. She said she knew that we'd be in meetings and that we'd have a long drive home and CJ would need some snacks along the way.
*When I asked them about fun family activities in Tucson (since we're here until Monday), they mentioned the children's museum and the zoo. Without hesitation, one of the staff said "Oh, let me get you one of our family passes." While they couldn't find the zoo pass, they gave us a pass for all of us to get into the children's museum.
*Repeatedly, we've been told not to worry about when we're checking out. They've told us a bunch of times that we're welcome to stay as long as needed (although I will be anxious to get home).
I'm sure there are many more examples I could give you, but these stand out. While we've had a hard time accepting that we are deserving of this, it has been such a blessing to not have to worry about some things. It has allowed us to focus on what we need to focus on. They have truly tried to make it feel as close to home as possible. I've already looked up the RMH in Las Vegas, and hope to find ways to help them in the future.
For any adoptive moms reading this - if you are placed with a birth mom that is a good distance from your home, check with your agency/attorney, or the hospital social worker, to see if you can get in at a local RMH. Sometimes you aren't sure of how long you'll need to remain in the area, and it's nice to have your lodging and meals taken care of.
I need to give a major shout out to the Ronald McDonald House in Tucson. I've heard stories from families who have stayed at a RMH, and it has always been very positive. Now that I'm one of those families, I just wanted to share what a blessing they have been to us over the past few days.
When the social worker at the hospital mentioned RMH, I didn't think I would qualify because we don't technically have a child in the hospital. She told me that she has set up adoptive families with them when there has been room. Our situation was a little different, but she thought we'd still be eligible. She sent the referral over, and they accepted me (Matt and CJ weren't here yet). I headed over to sign the necessary paperwork and take a tour of the facility.
I literally choked up as she walked me throughout the building, sharing the different amenities offered to families. If you've not been involved with RMH, I'll share some of the amazing features:
*Our room (and meals - breakfast, lunch & dinner) is $15/night. The night before, I had paid $90 for a shady hotel and mediocre breakfast just up the road. In addition to meals, they have two community refrigerators where they store all of the leftovers so that we can snack if we get hungry at random times.
*The room has Tempur-pedic beds, which are very nice! They also stocked the bathroom with every toiletry item we could possibly need.
*In the room, they left a blanket and stuffed animal for kids who stay. Even though we don't have Alex yet, they said we should take an extra for him.
*When we checked in Matt this morning, they took CJ back to the toy room and let him pick out anything he wanted. It was literally a large closet filled with brand new toys. He chose a very large John Deere tractor.
*They have a full play room and outdoor play area for kids, which kept CJ busy all morning.
*They have free laundry machines for us to use as we need.
*The manager came over to us this morning and gave us a box of individually wrapped cracker packages. She said she knew that we'd be in meetings and that we'd have a long drive home and CJ would need some snacks along the way.
*When I asked them about fun family activities in Tucson (since we're here until Monday), they mentioned the children's museum and the zoo. Without hesitation, one of the staff said "Oh, let me get you one of our family passes." While they couldn't find the zoo pass, they gave us a pass for all of us to get into the children's museum.
*Repeatedly, we've been told not to worry about when we're checking out. They've told us a bunch of times that we're welcome to stay as long as needed (although I will be anxious to get home).
I'm sure there are many more examples I could give you, but these stand out. While we've had a hard time accepting that we are deserving of this, it has been such a blessing to not have to worry about some things. It has allowed us to focus on what we need to focus on. They have truly tried to make it feel as close to home as possible. I've already looked up the RMH in Las Vegas, and hope to find ways to help them in the future.
For any adoptive moms reading this - if you are placed with a birth mom that is a good distance from your home, check with your agency/attorney, or the hospital social worker, to see if you can get in at a local RMH. Sometimes you aren't sure of how long you'll need to remain in the area, and it's nice to have your lodging and meals taken care of.
Friday, January 25, 2013
The Responsibility Conundrum
If you've followed my blog for any length of time, you know that we have an open adoption. So far, I've been surprised by how easy it has been to maintain that with CJ's birth mom. We don't meet often, but we are always excited to hear from her and look forward to visits when they are scheduled. It is easy to feel good about our relationship when things are good in her life (and ours); I think that is true of any relationship. It is when struggles and turmoil appear that you really have to define things. It may sound harsh, but the biggest question I am currently working through is how much responsibility should I feel toward her?
Right now, we are trying to figure out how to help her through something. As time goes by the situation continues to fester and grow into an even more convoluted problem. Each time we've spoken with her, another layer gets added to the madness. I'm at a point where I just don't know what to do. I see her as family, and I would do just about anything to help my family, but is that appropriate in this scenario?
While the current situation has caused me to evaluate things, I am realizing (as I type) that this is not the first time I've experienced these feelings. Each time that she has shared a hardship with us, an internal struggle develops within me. I want to reach out and provide what she needs to get through the current mess. The trouble is, I don't think that is always the right approach, and it definitely doesn't always help her in the long run. While I want to be sure that her basic needs are met, I cannot bear that burden all the time. But, how much should I offer? I don't know if this is something that other adoptive moms face, but it is driving me crazy.
While we were in the midst of the adoption process, I had a lot of ideas as to what the challenges of an open adoption would be. Not getting along with the birth mom, fearing that she would come to a meeting under the influence of something, bringing a guest to a meeting that we didn't know, worrying that she would try to take off with CJ, and a hundred more just like it. I can honestly say that defining my level of responsibility to the birth mom was not one of the things I had originally worried about.
I've found a few ways to support her recently, but I want to get closer to understanding what our relationship should look like. I know that we have to define that, but I also realize that I probably won't be able to do that without a little help from God. Prayer is going to play an integral role in figuring this out. I'm also hopeful that I can find books or talk with other women who can offer me some starting point.
Right now, we are trying to figure out how to help her through something. As time goes by the situation continues to fester and grow into an even more convoluted problem. Each time we've spoken with her, another layer gets added to the madness. I'm at a point where I just don't know what to do. I see her as family, and I would do just about anything to help my family, but is that appropriate in this scenario?
While the current situation has caused me to evaluate things, I am realizing (as I type) that this is not the first time I've experienced these feelings. Each time that she has shared a hardship with us, an internal struggle develops within me. I want to reach out and provide what she needs to get through the current mess. The trouble is, I don't think that is always the right approach, and it definitely doesn't always help her in the long run. While I want to be sure that her basic needs are met, I cannot bear that burden all the time. But, how much should I offer? I don't know if this is something that other adoptive moms face, but it is driving me crazy.
While we were in the midst of the adoption process, I had a lot of ideas as to what the challenges of an open adoption would be. Not getting along with the birth mom, fearing that she would come to a meeting under the influence of something, bringing a guest to a meeting that we didn't know, worrying that she would try to take off with CJ, and a hundred more just like it. I can honestly say that defining my level of responsibility to the birth mom was not one of the things I had originally worried about.
I've found a few ways to support her recently, but I want to get closer to understanding what our relationship should look like. I know that we have to define that, but I also realize that I probably won't be able to do that without a little help from God. Prayer is going to play an integral role in figuring this out. I'm also hopeful that I can find books or talk with other women who can offer me some starting point.
Monday, January 7, 2013
Goal for 2013
I figure that if I actually write a goal down, and publish it online, I will be more likely to stick to it.
Since we were placed with CJ, I have wanted to write a book about adoption. As we prepared for the process, I could not find many books that gave a real mom's perspective. Everything was very clinical or related to international adoption. I just wanted to read someone's story of domestic adoption, knowing that our story could (probably would) be completely different. At least it would have given me a starting point.
This was the reason that I started my blog in the first place. I didn't want to start writing and forget about the hard times. It's so easy to focus on the good now that the process is over.
This is where you come in...I need your help. I want to be sure that I include things that people want to know. Could you comment with questions that you would like to know about adoption? No question is off limits. If you don't want to post it as a comment, I can give you my e-mail address. It may be something you asked me, or something that you wanted to ask me but didn't want to seem nosy. If you're an adoptive parent, what questions have you been asked?
Thanks in advance!
Since we were placed with CJ, I have wanted to write a book about adoption. As we prepared for the process, I could not find many books that gave a real mom's perspective. Everything was very clinical or related to international adoption. I just wanted to read someone's story of domestic adoption, knowing that our story could (probably would) be completely different. At least it would have given me a starting point.
This was the reason that I started my blog in the first place. I didn't want to start writing and forget about the hard times. It's so easy to focus on the good now that the process is over.
This is where you come in...I need your help. I want to be sure that I include things that people want to know. Could you comment with questions that you would like to know about adoption? No question is off limits. If you don't want to post it as a comment, I can give you my e-mail address. It may be something you asked me, or something that you wanted to ask me but didn't want to seem nosy. If you're an adoptive parent, what questions have you been asked?
Thanks in advance!
Tuesday, December 11, 2012
I'm a Mom, Therefore I Judge
I can't remember if I've already mentioned it, but Brooke (CJ's birth mom) is pregnant. She called to let me know right around when CJ turned 18 months. In our first conversation, I didn't have the nerve to ask what her plan was for this baby. I didn't want to push, but I also wanted to know in case she was considering adoption again. After all, it would be awesome to have a biological sibling for CJ. I called her back a few weeks later to talk about something else, and I decided to ask about her plan. She shared that they were planning to parent this time.
I feel guilty, but my heart dropped. I immediately made judgments that were not fair (or nice). I even verbalized these to some of our friends. I'm embarrassed. Who am I to assume that I know what will happen if Brooke parents a baby? How do I know what would be best for this child? While I can make some assumptions based on things I know and have seen, it is definitely not my place to do so. The more I've talked to Brooke since she shared the news, the happier I am for her. While I would still love to have a bio-sibling for CJ, I can tell that she will do everything in her power to give this child a good life. Even though it's been several months since our initial conversation, it still eats away at me a little.
As I've thought more about this, it got me thinking about how much we (as moms) tend to judge without even realizing it. Maybe we realize it, but we label it as something that sounds more appropriate. Bottom line, I don't know anyone that isn't guilty of this, myself included. There is already so much pressure as a mom, why do we allow ourselves to be dragged back into the drama that we thought we left after high school graduation? Lately, I've heard several friends talk about feeling judged for decisions that they are making or have made for their children. I have tried to figure out why we contribute to making each other feel like crap. I don't have an answer, but if I think of one I'll put it in a book and make millions.
I think a big part of it is that most women feel under-prepared and under-qualified to be a parent. We need to make someone else sound worse, in order for us to feel better. Related to that, we need to feel that our decisions truly are the best, which means putting down someone who made the opposite choice for her child. What do we hope to accomplish by criticizing a women for going back to work, or formula feeding, or opting to vaccinate. Wow, someone is revealing her issues! I can vividly remember a woman at church talking me to about staying home versus working. Her exact words were "You don't plan to go back to work, do you?" Oh, yeah, no judgment there (please read the strong sarcasm). I felt awful. As an adoptive mom, I'm sure there were women that wanted to know why I would adopt only to pop my son into daycare. Well, for starters, I was a better mom because I continued working. I think that I'm a better stay-at-home mom now because I had that experience. It took a long time for me to feel confident in my role as CJ's mom.
If someone wants to ask a leading question now, that is fine. I simply answer it, without apology, and move on. Neither of us will change our minds based on that conversation, so let's just stick to conversation that we can both agree on. Like, how crazy Brandi is on RHOBH (if you don't know that acronym, you won't appreciate that comment) or how a glass of chilled Moscato is always a good idea. What I've come to realize is that I will always find someone who thinks I'm doing it wrong, but I can also find someone who thinks I'm doing it right. In the end, as long as I'm raising my son in the best way I know how, I'm doing my job.
I feel guilty, but my heart dropped. I immediately made judgments that were not fair (or nice). I even verbalized these to some of our friends. I'm embarrassed. Who am I to assume that I know what will happen if Brooke parents a baby? How do I know what would be best for this child? While I can make some assumptions based on things I know and have seen, it is definitely not my place to do so. The more I've talked to Brooke since she shared the news, the happier I am for her. While I would still love to have a bio-sibling for CJ, I can tell that she will do everything in her power to give this child a good life. Even though it's been several months since our initial conversation, it still eats away at me a little.
As I've thought more about this, it got me thinking about how much we (as moms) tend to judge without even realizing it. Maybe we realize it, but we label it as something that sounds more appropriate. Bottom line, I don't know anyone that isn't guilty of this, myself included. There is already so much pressure as a mom, why do we allow ourselves to be dragged back into the drama that we thought we left after high school graduation? Lately, I've heard several friends talk about feeling judged for decisions that they are making or have made for their children. I have tried to figure out why we contribute to making each other feel like crap. I don't have an answer, but if I think of one I'll put it in a book and make millions.
I think a big part of it is that most women feel under-prepared and under-qualified to be a parent. We need to make someone else sound worse, in order for us to feel better. Related to that, we need to feel that our decisions truly are the best, which means putting down someone who made the opposite choice for her child. What do we hope to accomplish by criticizing a women for going back to work, or formula feeding, or opting to vaccinate. Wow, someone is revealing her issues! I can vividly remember a woman at church talking me to about staying home versus working. Her exact words were "You don't plan to go back to work, do you?" Oh, yeah, no judgment there (please read the strong sarcasm). I felt awful. As an adoptive mom, I'm sure there were women that wanted to know why I would adopt only to pop my son into daycare. Well, for starters, I was a better mom because I continued working. I think that I'm a better stay-at-home mom now because I had that experience. It took a long time for me to feel confident in my role as CJ's mom.
If someone wants to ask a leading question now, that is fine. I simply answer it, without apology, and move on. Neither of us will change our minds based on that conversation, so let's just stick to conversation that we can both agree on. Like, how crazy Brandi is on RHOBH (if you don't know that acronym, you won't appreciate that comment) or how a glass of chilled Moscato is always a good idea. What I've come to realize is that I will always find someone who thinks I'm doing it wrong, but I can also find someone who thinks I'm doing it right. In the end, as long as I'm raising my son in the best way I know how, I'm doing my job.
Saturday, November 3, 2012
The Big Debate
When we started the adoption process, we had already decided that we wanted two children. Despite the intense process and extreme cost, we felt that our life plan was going to include two little ones. I should stop there and ask myself why we continue to believe that we have any control in planning our lives. Have I not learned? Anyway, we still felt that we were in the driver's seat, so we continued planning.
When we moved to Nevada at the end of June, we immediately started talking about finding an agency. We had renewed our certification in Arizona just a few months earlier, but it is not valid in Nevada. We knew that we would have to begin again and we didn't want to waste any time. I contacted several agencies and the county to learn more about their respective processes and to find out dates of upcoming information sessions. Twice, I contacted the county to find out upcoming dates. For whatever reason, we continued to put it off. There was always a reason not to attend one of the sessions.
Several times, people asked us if/when we were going to start the process again. Each time, I told them that we wanted to and I wasn't sure why we hadn't moved forward yet. I answered that question so many times, and I never stopped to really look at why we were putting it off so much. After all, we were excited by the thought of a sibling for CJ. I loved the baby stage, and couldn't wait to have an infant again.
Finally, one day it hit me. Maybe my hesitation was God's way of saying "slow down." I wish I could describe the feeling that I was experiencing. I desperately wanted to adopt another baby, but at the same time I just didn't feel right about it. It seems impossible to have both of those feelings at the same time. They are completely in conflict with each other, and yet there I was. I confided in a friend that I wasn't 100% sure if our path was to include another adoption. Saying it out loud felt so good! A few days later, I was in a small group bible study, and I confessed the same feelings to them. It felt as though the more I said it out loud, the more I was accepting it.
At dinner one night, Matt asked me how I was feeling about another adoption. I admitted that I was unsure, and he shared that he had the same feeling. I was so relieved that we were on the same page. In the past, when CJ was having a fit or acting completely nuts, we joked that maybe we were good with one. I don't think either of us were serious in those moments though.
I continue to pray for wisdom from God to see His will for our family. As much as I thought I wanted to adopt again, I feel a sense of peace about being a family of three. Our feelings could just be God's way of putting us on hold for a little while. Who knows, we may be blessed with a child in the future (biological or adopted). I just plan to enjoy our life as it stands right now. I have the joy of staying home with CJ, and I'm going to make the most of it without worrying about what the future holds.
When we moved to Nevada at the end of June, we immediately started talking about finding an agency. We had renewed our certification in Arizona just a few months earlier, but it is not valid in Nevada. We knew that we would have to begin again and we didn't want to waste any time. I contacted several agencies and the county to learn more about their respective processes and to find out dates of upcoming information sessions. Twice, I contacted the county to find out upcoming dates. For whatever reason, we continued to put it off. There was always a reason not to attend one of the sessions.
Several times, people asked us if/when we were going to start the process again. Each time, I told them that we wanted to and I wasn't sure why we hadn't moved forward yet. I answered that question so many times, and I never stopped to really look at why we were putting it off so much. After all, we were excited by the thought of a sibling for CJ. I loved the baby stage, and couldn't wait to have an infant again.
Finally, one day it hit me. Maybe my hesitation was God's way of saying "slow down." I wish I could describe the feeling that I was experiencing. I desperately wanted to adopt another baby, but at the same time I just didn't feel right about it. It seems impossible to have both of those feelings at the same time. They are completely in conflict with each other, and yet there I was. I confided in a friend that I wasn't 100% sure if our path was to include another adoption. Saying it out loud felt so good! A few days later, I was in a small group bible study, and I confessed the same feelings to them. It felt as though the more I said it out loud, the more I was accepting it.
At dinner one night, Matt asked me how I was feeling about another adoption. I admitted that I was unsure, and he shared that he had the same feeling. I was so relieved that we were on the same page. In the past, when CJ was having a fit or acting completely nuts, we joked that maybe we were good with one. I don't think either of us were serious in those moments though.
I continue to pray for wisdom from God to see His will for our family. As much as I thought I wanted to adopt again, I feel a sense of peace about being a family of three. Our feelings could just be God's way of putting us on hold for a little while. Who knows, we may be blessed with a child in the future (biological or adopted). I just plan to enjoy our life as it stands right now. I have the joy of staying home with CJ, and I'm going to make the most of it without worrying about what the future holds.
Friday, November 2, 2012
Irony
Anyone that has children, or has been around children, knows that no matter how much you love them they can easily drive you nuts. A few weeks ago was a prime example for me. Why did I wait a few weeks to post about it? I think I've just been trying to figure out how everything got so crazy. I find it ironic that I experienced a weekend from hell, just a few days after I posted about how much I'm enjoying staying home. I honestly do love being a stay-at-home mom, but last weekend pushed me to my limits.
In the middle of October, Matt went out of town to hike the Grand Canyon with a few friends, so CJ and I had the weekend to ourselves. He hadn't slept well on Friday night, so I figured that Saturday would be an easy day because he'd take a long nap. Yeah right! He fell asleep in the car while we were out, which ended up being the only 20 minutes he slept during the day. Somehow, he mustered the energy to drive me nuts all afternoon. It really felt like he was just jumping from one bad decision to another. When he went down to bed at 8pm, I figured that I would have a quiet evening with lots of sleep. Wrong again! He woke up from 11-12, 3-4 and 5-5:30am.
While I was really tired, I decided that church would do us some good. 15 minutes into church, CJ fell asleep. This was good because he wasn't making a ton of noise, but I was terrified that he wouldn't take his normal afternoon nap. Sure enough, he did not go back to sleep that afternoon. Again, his waking hours were spent driving me crazy. He would climb on the dining room table, and then reset the DirecTV box, and then open the liquor cabinet (which I know should be childproofed). It was a never-ending circle of mayhem! I could tell he was tired that night, but I was skeptical that he would actually sleep. Just in case, I decided to take a bubble bath and have a glass of wine. If I was going to be up all night, I might as well be somewhat relaxed. To my surprise, he slept until 5:30am, which was better than some mornings.
By Monday (Matt's return date) I was physically, mentally and emotionally wiped out. I had not really had any down time during the weekend, and CJ and I were starting to really drive each other nuts! Thankfully, we had preschool that morning, which kept him from falling asleep early. As I fought him to take a nap later, I lost it. It's a little embarrassing to admit that I simply broke down, but I think most moms can sympathize. I was so excited when Matt called to let me know that he would be home 3 hours earlier than expected. I saw the light at the end of the tunnel! By the time Matt got home I was fried.
I learned a lot in those few days. Never had I gone that close to the edge of crazy. There may have been moments where I crossed over into crazy. Looking back, I see some things that I probably could have done to keep what was left of my sanity. Here are the three biggest lessons:
1. I should have realized that he was not going to keep himself occupied without getting in trouble. Instead of hoping that I could get things done, I should have just stopped trying and taken him to the park. Honestly, no one would have cared if my dishes weren't done or if the vacuuming was delayed by a day. I think I would have been in a better place had we just gone and done things to keep him busy.
2. I could have called a friend to help. I am lucky to have two friends within a 30 second walk of my house. By Sunday afternoon, I probably should have just called them to watch CJ for 30 minutes so I could regain my composure.
3. Wine and a bubble bath really does a body good! I truly felt like a new person when I stepped out of that tub. I highly recommend it if you are ever on the verge of a breakdown!
While I didn't win "Mom of the Year" that weekend, it could have been worse (although not much). Hopefully, I'll remember this experience in the future and avoid insanity.
In the middle of October, Matt went out of town to hike the Grand Canyon with a few friends, so CJ and I had the weekend to ourselves. He hadn't slept well on Friday night, so I figured that Saturday would be an easy day because he'd take a long nap. Yeah right! He fell asleep in the car while we were out, which ended up being the only 20 minutes he slept during the day. Somehow, he mustered the energy to drive me nuts all afternoon. It really felt like he was just jumping from one bad decision to another. When he went down to bed at 8pm, I figured that I would have a quiet evening with lots of sleep. Wrong again! He woke up from 11-12, 3-4 and 5-5:30am.
While I was really tired, I decided that church would do us some good. 15 minutes into church, CJ fell asleep. This was good because he wasn't making a ton of noise, but I was terrified that he wouldn't take his normal afternoon nap. Sure enough, he did not go back to sleep that afternoon. Again, his waking hours were spent driving me crazy. He would climb on the dining room table, and then reset the DirecTV box, and then open the liquor cabinet (which I know should be childproofed). It was a never-ending circle of mayhem! I could tell he was tired that night, but I was skeptical that he would actually sleep. Just in case, I decided to take a bubble bath and have a glass of wine. If I was going to be up all night, I might as well be somewhat relaxed. To my surprise, he slept until 5:30am, which was better than some mornings.
By Monday (Matt's return date) I was physically, mentally and emotionally wiped out. I had not really had any down time during the weekend, and CJ and I were starting to really drive each other nuts! Thankfully, we had preschool that morning, which kept him from falling asleep early. As I fought him to take a nap later, I lost it. It's a little embarrassing to admit that I simply broke down, but I think most moms can sympathize. I was so excited when Matt called to let me know that he would be home 3 hours earlier than expected. I saw the light at the end of the tunnel! By the time Matt got home I was fried.
I learned a lot in those few days. Never had I gone that close to the edge of crazy. There may have been moments where I crossed over into crazy. Looking back, I see some things that I probably could have done to keep what was left of my sanity. Here are the three biggest lessons:
1. I should have realized that he was not going to keep himself occupied without getting in trouble. Instead of hoping that I could get things done, I should have just stopped trying and taken him to the park. Honestly, no one would have cared if my dishes weren't done or if the vacuuming was delayed by a day. I think I would have been in a better place had we just gone and done things to keep him busy.
2. I could have called a friend to help. I am lucky to have two friends within a 30 second walk of my house. By Sunday afternoon, I probably should have just called them to watch CJ for 30 minutes so I could regain my composure.
3. Wine and a bubble bath really does a body good! I truly felt like a new person when I stepped out of that tub. I highly recommend it if you are ever on the verge of a breakdown!
While I didn't win "Mom of the Year" that weekend, it could have been worse (although not much). Hopefully, I'll remember this experience in the future and avoid insanity.
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