Keeping in Touch

Quite a few people ask me about our relationship with Brooke, CJ's birth mom. As I've mentioned in previous posts, my mindset has changed drastically from when we first started the adoption process. As CJ gets older, I feel an even greater need to keep in touch with her. Our contact with her has been spotty at best. I have to recognize that we are not her first priority. Our visits have to be when she feels comfortable. In our original plan, we scheduled meeting every other month for the first year. It ended up being three meetings, at months 1, 2 and 9.

Just before CJ's first birthday, we really wanted to connect with Brooke again. That is a special day for our family, and she is a big part of it. We wanted to celebrate with her. When I tried to call, the phone number was no longer working. I was so disappointed. My fear was that we would not hear from her ever again. I keep telling myself that our relationship with her is different and that we will keep in touch for years to come. Maybe that isn't the case. Maybe she was ready to cut off communication. I tried to call a few times, and wasn't really sure of what to do next. Should I contact the Cissy (the counselor in Tucson) every time I lose contact? At what point do I need to make it Brooke's responsibility to contact me? I don't believe there is a correct answer for that. It's something that I just have to figure out each time that it comes up.

I prayed a lot about it, and within a week God answered me. I received an e-mail from Cissy asking for my phone number. Brooke had contacted her because she lost my number. I was so relieved. I strongly believe that CJ should be able to spend time with Brooke. As he gets older, he'll have to decide what he is comfortable with, but she will always be a part of our lives. To hear that she wanted to maintain contact was awesome news. The biggest challenge is that she can only communicate with us through Cissy. Without a phone of her own, Brooke is totally reliant on others to make a connection. I trust that Cissy will continue to follow up with Brooke and encourage her to maintain contact with us.

I do need to prepare myself for a stop in communication, because there is a good chance that it will happen. Many birth moms maintain contact for just the first year or two, and then are comfortable to continue life without further contact. For many, they just need to see that the baby is taken care of, and they are able to find closure. I know that I do not have control over Brooke's decisions about staying in touch with us. I just hope that she sees value in being able to stay connected with CJ and watch him grow up.

He's gone crazy!

A week ago, our little man turned 1. Just a few days before his birthday, the strangest thing happened...he became a picky eater. Now, for those of you who know our family, CJ will eat just about anything. One of our friends jokes that the only time she has ever seen him get mad is when we take his food away. You can imagine my confusion when he refused to eat peas one day. Now, this may not sound like a big deal, but he literally ate peas the day before, and has always liked them. Ok, tastes change. It's no big deal. Then I tried to feed him cheese, another favorite. I was denied once again. Ugh! After the third failed attempt, I got a little worried. I wasn't overly concerned because he had a fever, and I assumed it was related to not feeling well.

For four or five days, we played the "What will CJ eat today?" game. I didn't want to be one of those parents that prepares a buffet, just in case her kid gets picky, but we were forced to take that route. He had to eat something! I was so frustrated. I was making these great little meals for him, and he would only eat a few bites. He also cut back on drinking water and milk.

I did what any other first time mom would do...I googled it. I went onto multiple mommy blogs, baby food websites and pediatrician pages. All pretty much said the same thing: kids often get very picky around the one year mark. Ahhh (sigh of relief)! My son is not a weirdo! I could rest easily knowing that it was just a phase, and that eventually he would get his appetite back.

Well, I didn't have to wait long. The very next day, he ate everything in his lunch box at daycare. He got home and acted like he had not eaten in weeks. He at double the amount he had been eating in recent days. For the past few nights, he has been ravenous when he gets home. He is definitely more active now (just took his first steps a few days ago), so that could have something to do with the appetite swing. Whatever the cause, he is no longer a picky eater. He's back to a healthy combination of fruits, veggies, protein and carbs. Thank goodness. I don't know how much longer I could have handled that!


Enjoying a birthday breakfast!


No matter what, there is always room for cake!

2011 - A Year in Review

Happy New Year!



2011 stands out as one of the biggest years of our lives. I'm looking forward to what 2012 brings for our family, but it will be hard to beat last year. After years of waiting, God blessed our family with a little boy. As I think back over the months, so many memories pop into my head. I try to write them all down because I don't ever want to forget the amazing things we experienced. Here's a brief list:


January - Our little man came into this world on the 11th. It was by far one of the most amazing things that I have ever witnessed, and I'm grateful that we had the opportunity to be there.

February - Family and friends came to witness CJ's baptism on the 20th. It was a very special celebration performed by Great-Grandpa Fischer. CJ wore a baptismal gown made by Great-Grandma Fincke and had been worn by Grandpa Fincke, Uncle Andrew and yours truly.

March - Visited with Brooke.

April - I returned to work after a three month leave. While it was hard to go back, we are blessed to have such a wonderful childcare provider! First solid food for CJ - rice cereal.

May - My first Mother's Day! We celebrated with brunch at Karsten Golf Course at ASU. It was delicious!

June - Trip to Flagstaff and Antelope Canyon with Tim & Lisa (CJ's godparents). Matt's first Father's Day! We celebrated by having lunch at Friday's Front Row and going to a D-Backs game (of course). I turned 31. Matt and I celebrated 8 years of marriage.

July - CJ met many members of the Fischer side of the family at Tim & Melina's wedding in San Diego.

August - Celebrated Matt's birthday by spending the day traveling to Fargo for Liz & Luke's wedding. Don't worry, I bought him a beer along the way. CJ's first plane trip. His first tooth cut through at the end of the month.

September - CJ's adoption was finalized on the 15th! We are thankful that friends and family were present to witness the process come to a close.

October - CJ sat up all by himself! Visited with Brooke. CJ crawled for the first time! First Halloween! Our little man was a tiger...and a very cute one at that!

November - First Thanksgiving, spent with the Fischer family in Las Vegas.

December - First Christmas!


I cannot help but be excited about what 2012 is going to bring for us. I look forward to watching CJ reach more milestones. I look forward to more visits with our family. I look forward to the fun things that Matt, CJ and I will do as a family. I can't wait to report back in one year!

Merry Christmas!

Throughout the past year, I've had a lot of "where were we a year ago?" moments. At this time last year, I was in Pinetop with family. We were enjoying a white Christmas filled with games, movies and lots of fun. My biggest fear that week was getting the call that Brooke was in labor. We were several hours north of Phoenix, which added quite a bit of time to the drive down to Tucson. If she went into labor, we might not have made it down in time for his birth. Just to be safe, we packed our hospital bag and the car seat...and it sat in the trunk the entire time.

CJ's first Christmas was so much fun! I appreciate the fact that he is old enough to enjoy the toys (and fish tank) that he received. I may have been more excited about everything than he was, but I think that is how it's supposed to be. I was so caught up with CJ's experience that I didn't take pictures of anyone else. I need to be better about that!

In keeping with Fincke tradition, CJ received one present on Christmas Eve - a fish tank from Grandpa & Grandma Fincke. He absolutely loves it. We positioned his playpen in front of it so that he can stand there and watch the fish swim around. The rest of the gifts had to wait until Christmas Day. Christmas morning, CJ was in no rush to wake up. We weren't complaining! Working around his nap schedule, presents weren't opened until lunch time. He made out like a bandit! Here are some pictures...









I truly enjoyed watching as he examined each toy and tried to figure it out. Just as he started to understand, he would move on to the next item. After a few toys, he took a break to play with the plastic wrapping.

I look forward to future Christmases, when he runs into our bedroom to wake us up...when we can read the story of Jesus birth, and he understands what we're talking about...when we can go to the candlelight service at church (it was just a little too late for CJ this year). There is so much to look forward to! I just hope that as he gets older, we can help him to understand the true meaning of Christmas and the most amazing gift of all - the birth (and death) of Jesus.

So Many Reasons To Be Thankful!

It's hard to remember where we were at this time last year. So much has changed in our lives (for the better). During our many hours in the car last week, I took time to reflect on the many reasons I have to be thankful. I thought I would share some of them with you.

I am thankful for...
*Matt - who supported me through a long journey to grow our family, and continues to provide support as we raise our son together. He does his fair share of nighttime feedings, diaper changes, and play time, for which I am very grateful.
*My family - who have embraced CJ as part of the family and show him as much love as they have shown me.
*Brooke - who made a difficult decision to offer her child a better life by placing him for adoption, and who gave us the best gift anyone could possibly give.
*My friends - who provided a great deal of support to us during the past year through prayer, kind words, and lots of baby stuff.
*Christian Family Care - who helped us through the adoption process. Utlimately, they are the reason that we were connected with Brooke.
*Being guided toward adoption - I don't think I would have made that decision on my own, but we have been so blessed by it.
*The ability to save exactly enough to pay for the adoption fees when they were due.
*Having a job that allowed me to take off 3 months so that I could bond with our little man.
*Our awesome pediatrician who encourages me as a parent and answers my million questions.

and finally...

*Caleb - I could not have asked for a more wonderful child. I cannot imagine our lives without him. I just love his infectious smile and giggle, his obvious love for our family and friends, and how he has made me into a better person in just 10 months.

Not just a name!

Last week, I took care of Caleb's birth certificate and Social Security card. In the moments when I first saw both documents, I got a little teary-eyed. It got me wondering if all mothers are affected by the sight of their child's name on paper, or if this is more of an adoptive mother "thing." Maybe it's just me...which is ok.

It started for me the day that we created our Covenant (adoption agreement) with Brooke. On the document, Cissy (the counselor) wrote out his name because Brooke indicated that it would be used on his original birth certificate. Matt and I had written out the name before, but it was different this time. This time, there was actually a baby that would receive the name. It had more meaning. As Cissy handed us the document, I got a chill because it was actually happening!

Once Caleb was born, his name was everywhere. Insurance cards. Adoption agency documents. Barnes & Noble Birthday Club Card. Each time something arrived bearing his name, it had the same effect. At the risk of sounding cheesy, there was something magical about seeing it on paper. I don't know if I can really describe this to you, but I hope that you can somewhat understand what I'm talking about. I assumed that the feeling would wane over time. After all, if we say it and write it all the time, it has to lose steam at some point...right? Not yet.

Maybe it's because our road to a child was fairly long. Maybe I am just in love with my son. Whatever the reason, seeing his name makes me so appreciative of what I have. Literally each time I see it written out, I take a moment to thank God for such a precious gift.

You may or may not have experienced this yourself. I hope you have because it's amazing.

Caleb Josiah Fischer...ahhh!

Support

This past weekend, we attended a picnic hosted by our adoption agency. It was their annual Adoption Picnic, and I was so excited to go. It had been over a year since I had seen most of the couples from our infant adoption class. We'd been keeping in touch via e-mail whenever someone was placed, but it had been sporadic. While we haven't talked or seen each other, we still hold a very special common bond. As soon as we arrived, I got a hug from one of the girls in the class. Slowly, about half of our class arrived to join in the celebration. All of us proudly showing off our little guys and gals. We caught up on how things had been going, and shared the stories of how our children came into our families.

I don't think I realized how much I needed to be around other women who had been through a similar experience. Don't get me wrong, I have very supportive family and friends, who have all been more than happy to let me share our experience with them. I love talking about our process, regardless of the audience. The biggest difference is that the women from the class have been there. They completely understand the emotions that we experienced as we waited, after we got "the call," and at the arrival of Caleb. The doubt, frustration, anger, bitterness that turned into trust, love, joy and awe. It's hard for others to understand why I didn't take the tags off of baby gifts until just before he arrived (or after in some cases). It's hard to explain the fear that Brooke would change her mind. It's hard to describe the relief in realizing that my love for Caleb was no different than if I had given birth to him myself.

One family that I was very excited to meet was a couple whose daughter was born about 10 hours after Caleb in Tucson. Our counselor kept running back and forth between the two hospitals trying to support both adoptive families. As we were being discharged from the hospital, she suggested that I get into contact with them because they also lived in North Phoenix. We tried to connect via e-mail, but it just never worked out. As Matt and I ate lunch, I started talking to the lady next to me. I asked how old her daughter was, and shared that our son was the same age. She asked his birthday and we figured it out. What are the odds? Hopefully, we will keep in touch with them since they live so close to us.

As we all talked, I got an overwhelming feeling of relief. It was as if my heart and mind had been waiting to talk with other adoptive parents. I loved hearing their stories and learning more about their little ones. When I talk about a relationship with our birth mom, they know exactly what I am talking about. When I share the strange questions we've been asked, they have been asked the same questions. I think the most amazing part was connecting so much with people that I had just met. I knew that I would be able to talk and share with the couples from our class. I didn't expect to have a similar experience with couples from other classes.

Adoption creates a wonderful bond between people. Often, I think about the connection we have with Brooke, but it goes far beyond that. If I could pass along any suggestions to parents who are adopting, or who have adopted, it would be to find a support system of other adoptive parents. As Caleb gets older, I want him to be around other children who are adopted. I want him to know that he is not the only one out there. As much as he needs that, I also need that.

I really feel as though I am meant to do something more with adoption. I don't mean to adopt again (which is the plan, at this point). I mean that I feel called to work with adoptive moms. It may not be a career path, but definitely something that I can do as a volunteer opportunity. At this point, I'm not sure what that will be but I figured that if I write it down people may hold me accountable to follow through. :)