Un-adopting?

I learned a new phrase a few weeks ago...un-adopting.

This is the practice of "re-homing" an adopted child due to extreme emotional or behavioral issues. Often, the child joined the family as a toddler or older, and in many cases it was an international adoption.

Apparently, this is common enough that there are agencies devoted to second adoptions.

I don't even know what to say or think about this. I don't want to judge the decisions made by the adoptive families because I have no idea what they were experiencing. We've experienced transitional issues, but they certainly did not include physical violence that would require medical treatment, as was shared in the articles. I find it terribly sad that a family felt that they had no other option other than to remove the child from their family. These stories make me wonder what (if anything) could have been done to prevent things from going this far.

Adoption finalizations are definitely a moment of joy for a family, but they can be a little scary. For the past 6 months to a year, families have had regular visits from their social worker and access to support whenever needed. Once you go to court, everything stops. So what happens when you have difficulties after you finalize? Some agencies are willing to provide support, but not all. Why are there not more resources for families after finalization?

Like I said, I'm trying not to be judgmental. However, when we decided to adopt, we viewed it as a permanent decision. We knew that our future child could have any number of issues. We were committed to providing this child with whatever support or resources that they may need. It is no different than if we had given birth to a child. I'm guessing that most parents would not place their biological child for adoption if behavior became a problem. Why is it any different for an adoptive parent.

I think I am bothered because this is making adoptive parents look bad. People who are against adoption (yes, these people are out there) are using as fuel for their fight. They are making blanket statements about the intentions and commitment level of adoptive parents. While I could care less about what others think, it saddens me that adoption is getting a bad rap.

Instead of jumping on these parents, we should start finding resources and support for families with child who are exhibiting serious emotional or behavioral problems. There has to be a more positive solution. I just pray that as people consider adoption, especially of older children, they identify possible resources to use in the event that problems occur. Let's be proactive, instead of reactive.