As you know, the baby is due in just over two weeks. With such a short time frame, I've been a little nervous about completing the home study before the baby arrives. Thankfully, we are working with an amazing agency that has assured me that we will be done in time.
Wednesday, I got word that our file was being assigned to a caseworker. Now, my gut reaction was to send an immediate e-mail introducing myself and hinting at the fact that we need this done ASAP. I was good, and did nothing. I realized that she would need some time to review our file, so my goal was to be patient. Within a few hours, she had already contacted me about setting up a meeting. Amazing! We ended up being able to schedule my individual interview for the next morning.
I've gone through home study interviews a few times, three to be exact, so I wasn't too nervous. I knew what questions were coming my way. What never goes away is the fear of having your answers judged and analyzed. That is just something that I had to get over.
You may wonder what questions were asked. You may not, but I'm going to share anyway. She broke up the questions based on the different aspects of my life. We started by talking about me - my likes, strengths, proud moments, etc. From there we moved into relationships with my family. We talked about my life as a mom - how has parenting changed me, what has been challenging, etc. We finished by talking about my marriage. This is where things got REAL personal. Like, stuff I don't share with my girlfriends personal. While it was a little weird answering her questions, I knew her reasoning for asking everything. She wanted to be sure that our marriage was in a good place so that we would be bringing the kids into a healthy environment.
Well, I survived my individual interview. Our caseworker will be coming over this weekend for Matt's individual appointment and our joint session. After that, we'll be pretty much done! It is crazy to think that we were able to finish a home study so quickly. Our home study with CJ lasted a few months. God is definitely guiding this process!
I'm not sure if I shared this before, but our foster license for Alex came through. Now, we are just waiting to hear from Arizona about when we should pick him up. The next hearing is in two weeks, so we are assuming that we'll head down around that time. It's looking like we'll get both boys around the same time.
As always, I'll keep you posted!
Friday, July 18, 2014
Thursday, July 10, 2014
Sometimes parenting sucks!
Sometimes, parenting just sucks. I tried to think of a nicer way to say it, but I'm at a loss. Parenting is tough!
Lately, living with CJ has been like living with Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde. He is sweet and loving one minute, and then he turns around and scratches me because I didn't give him a second helping of crackers. He has been mean toward his friends, taking swings at them if he isn't happy about something. He talks back to me all the time.
I am struggling.
I would like to think that I am consistent in disciplining him when he acts up. When he disobeys, I act quickly and firmly. I have tried a variety of discipline techniques. I have limited his sugar intake. I religiously use essential oils on him. Nothing has seemed to make a lasting impact on him.
I understand that part of the issue is that he is 3-years old. I know being an only child does not help. While both may be true, they are also excuses. I know plenty of 3-year old kids that are respectful and kind.
What am I doing wrong?
No matter how hard I analyze my parenting style, I'm not sure that I am going to find an answer. For now, I am going to keep disciplining bad behavior and praising good behavior. I will also pray hard each day that CJ can act in a way that pleases God...and that I can do the same.
Lately, living with CJ has been like living with Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde. He is sweet and loving one minute, and then he turns around and scratches me because I didn't give him a second helping of crackers. He has been mean toward his friends, taking swings at them if he isn't happy about something. He talks back to me all the time.
I am struggling.
I would like to think that I am consistent in disciplining him when he acts up. When he disobeys, I act quickly and firmly. I have tried a variety of discipline techniques. I have limited his sugar intake. I religiously use essential oils on him. Nothing has seemed to make a lasting impact on him.
I understand that part of the issue is that he is 3-years old. I know being an only child does not help. While both may be true, they are also excuses. I know plenty of 3-year old kids that are respectful and kind.
What am I doing wrong?
No matter how hard I analyze my parenting style, I'm not sure that I am going to find an answer. For now, I am going to keep disciplining bad behavior and praising good behavior. I will also pray hard each day that CJ can act in a way that pleases God...and that I can do the same.
Tuesday, July 8, 2014
It's OK to ask for help!
Last week was one of the most draining of my life. As you know, we are in the process of getting licensed as a foster home while, at the same time, getting our paperwork together to start a home study with a private adoption agency. That alone has given me anxiety, but adding in a medical emergency nearly put me over the edge. Despite Matt being in the hospital for three days, I managed to survive, but only with the help of an amazing community.
I am not the mom who asks for help, even when I desperately need it. I do not easily admit when I am in over my head. I like to think that I can keep it together at all times. It was during the craziness of last week that God reminded me that I am not Supermom, nor should I try to be. He has blessed me with a community of family and friends that support my family through any situation we may encounter. Between prayer, childcare and food, I was overwhelmed by the help we received (and continue to receive).
I know how busy everyone is, which makes it even more special that they dropped things to help us. Being able to text friends and ask if they could watch CJ in the next 30 minutes is such a blessing. For one of my friends, I literally showed up on her doorstep at 9pm with CJ's pillow and asked if he could spend the night. Without hesitation, my friends said "yes." Within hours of being at the hospital, we had a meal schedule planned out. One friend even washed the dishes in my sink while she watched CJ.
When the insanity wore off, and life returned to "normal," I stopped to think about what I should take away from this experience. And then it hit me...God may just be preparing me for what is coming in 3-4 weeks. When we suddenly add two children to our family, I will most definitely need to ask for help. Maybe this was just a trial run to help me prep what for what is next. Whatever the reason, I'm glad I was reminded that that we all need to ask for help sometimes.
I am not the mom who asks for help, even when I desperately need it. I do not easily admit when I am in over my head. I like to think that I can keep it together at all times. It was during the craziness of last week that God reminded me that I am not Supermom, nor should I try to be. He has blessed me with a community of family and friends that support my family through any situation we may encounter. Between prayer, childcare and food, I was overwhelmed by the help we received (and continue to receive).
I know how busy everyone is, which makes it even more special that they dropped things to help us. Being able to text friends and ask if they could watch CJ in the next 30 minutes is such a blessing. For one of my friends, I literally showed up on her doorstep at 9pm with CJ's pillow and asked if he could spend the night. Without hesitation, my friends said "yes." Within hours of being at the hospital, we had a meal schedule planned out. One friend even washed the dishes in my sink while she watched CJ.
When the insanity wore off, and life returned to "normal," I stopped to think about what I should take away from this experience. And then it hit me...God may just be preparing me for what is coming in 3-4 weeks. When we suddenly add two children to our family, I will most definitely need to ask for help. Maybe this was just a trial run to help me prep what for what is next. Whatever the reason, I'm glad I was reminded that that we all need to ask for help sometimes.
Friday, June 27, 2014
Are you sure, God?
Have you ever had one of those moments when you know exactly what God wants you to do, but you can't figure out why He has that much confidence in your ability to get it done? That is where I am at right now. I am looking ahead to where God is leading my family, and I am terrified that I am not going to be able handle it.
As I sat down yesterday to try to organize the chaos that I currently call life, I realized that it is only going to get more chaotic. There are moments that I feel like I'm on the edge of a nervous breakdown, but this is actually the calm before the storm. If I am starting to freak out now, how will I respond when two more boys join our family?
When I originally thought about how things were going to play out, I was only really thinking about handling the process. I was making to-do lists of documents to collect, appointments to schedule and rooms to organize. What I forgot about was our daily life tasks that still need to be taken care of in the midst of all of this. Things like registering our cars with the DMV, going to the grocery store, and paying the bills suddenly seem completely overwhelming. If I take one task at a time, they are small, but when I make a list my brain starts to explode. I pride myself on being on top of things, and lately I have forgotten to call people back, missed appointments and left many things undone. It is driving me nuts!
In my moments of panic, I've asked God several times "are you sure that I can handle this?" Deep in my heart I know that God would not have given us this opportunity if He was not sure we could handle it with His help. My head is arguing that point though. It is in these crazy times that I am so thankful for family and friends who bring a dose of perspective to my life. I can only hope that I keep my eyes firmly fixed on Jesus and the plan God has laid out for my family, and trust that we will be just fine.
Updates:
Alex - We had our licensing visit on Tuesday. There are a few things that we need to correct at our house, but nothing major. The licensing worker will come back out on Monday to re-check the items that were a concern. We had our fingerprints done last week, so they should be back soon. I completed my four hours of online training, so I believe we have finished everything that we can do to prepare. Now, we just wait for the paperwork to flow back and forth between states.
Baby - We are waiting for reference forms to be returned and background checks to be completed. Our home study will begin (hopefully) in the next week or so. We have a few questionnaires that need to be completed as well. They are all things that we have answered in the past, so it should not take us too long to get through them.
As I sat down yesterday to try to organize the chaos that I currently call life, I realized that it is only going to get more chaotic. There are moments that I feel like I'm on the edge of a nervous breakdown, but this is actually the calm before the storm. If I am starting to freak out now, how will I respond when two more boys join our family?
When I originally thought about how things were going to play out, I was only really thinking about handling the process. I was making to-do lists of documents to collect, appointments to schedule and rooms to organize. What I forgot about was our daily life tasks that still need to be taken care of in the midst of all of this. Things like registering our cars with the DMV, going to the grocery store, and paying the bills suddenly seem completely overwhelming. If I take one task at a time, they are small, but when I make a list my brain starts to explode. I pride myself on being on top of things, and lately I have forgotten to call people back, missed appointments and left many things undone. It is driving me nuts!
In my moments of panic, I've asked God several times "are you sure that I can handle this?" Deep in my heart I know that God would not have given us this opportunity if He was not sure we could handle it with His help. My head is arguing that point though. It is in these crazy times that I am so thankful for family and friends who bring a dose of perspective to my life. I can only hope that I keep my eyes firmly fixed on Jesus and the plan God has laid out for my family, and trust that we will be just fine.
Updates:
Alex - We had our licensing visit on Tuesday. There are a few things that we need to correct at our house, but nothing major. The licensing worker will come back out on Monday to re-check the items that were a concern. We had our fingerprints done last week, so they should be back soon. I completed my four hours of online training, so I believe we have finished everything that we can do to prepare. Now, we just wait for the paperwork to flow back and forth between states.
Baby - We are waiting for reference forms to be returned and background checks to be completed. Our home study will begin (hopefully) in the next week or so. We have a few questionnaires that need to be completed as well. They are all things that we have answered in the past, so it should not take us too long to get through them.
Wednesday, June 11, 2014
A little bit nuts
I'd like to think that I've kept things together pretty well over the past week. For whatever reason, it all hit me yesterday.
A rush of crazy came over me as I was e-mailing our adoption agency while talking to DCFS on the phone. It was in that moment that I realized that we are adopting two kids. We are trying to balance two processes at the same time. For those who have experienced adoption, you know that it can be a daunting process at times. To do it twice...well, that's just a little bit nuts. I told Matt last night that I need a giant white board with a line down the middle to keep track of what needs to be done for each child's adoption.
I think I got it out of my system yesterday, and now I can focus on what needs to get done. Here is where we are with each child:
Alex:
DCFS, here in Clark County, is working on completing our file. They received the ICPC referral from Arizona and are now updating our license. Our fingerprints expired, so we are going on Saturday to get those done. We may have to do a second set (one for licensing, one for ICPC), but they are hoping that we don't. Soon after, we will have our home visit. During this time, we will meet with an ICPC worker to update our information and a Licensing worker to walk through our home. Thankfully, there is very little we will have to do to prepare for this visit. We also have to complete four hours of online training. I'm not excited about it, but I am very grateful that it is online and not in person!
Baby:
As of right now, we don't have any specific to-do items. Our adoption agency is working on our file. As soon as our fingerprints come back (we had to get our fingerprints done separately for them), they will begin our home study. They have already connected with their Arizona office and are working on the best plan of action for when the baby arrives. The director has assured me that our home study should be complete by the end of July! They are wonderful!
In addition to what our agency and DCFS are requiring, we are going through the process of trying to mentally prepare for what the next few months will bring. I know it will not be easy, but I don't think I'm fully grasping how our family is about to change. With the support we have from friends and family, I'm pretty confident that we will be just fine!
A rush of crazy came over me as I was e-mailing our adoption agency while talking to DCFS on the phone. It was in that moment that I realized that we are adopting two kids. We are trying to balance two processes at the same time. For those who have experienced adoption, you know that it can be a daunting process at times. To do it twice...well, that's just a little bit nuts. I told Matt last night that I need a giant white board with a line down the middle to keep track of what needs to be done for each child's adoption.
I think I got it out of my system yesterday, and now I can focus on what needs to get done. Here is where we are with each child:
Alex:
DCFS, here in Clark County, is working on completing our file. They received the ICPC referral from Arizona and are now updating our license. Our fingerprints expired, so we are going on Saturday to get those done. We may have to do a second set (one for licensing, one for ICPC), but they are hoping that we don't. Soon after, we will have our home visit. During this time, we will meet with an ICPC worker to update our information and a Licensing worker to walk through our home. Thankfully, there is very little we will have to do to prepare for this visit. We also have to complete four hours of online training. I'm not excited about it, but I am very grateful that it is online and not in person!
Baby:
As of right now, we don't have any specific to-do items. Our adoption agency is working on our file. As soon as our fingerprints come back (we had to get our fingerprints done separately for them), they will begin our home study. They have already connected with their Arizona office and are working on the best plan of action for when the baby arrives. The director has assured me that our home study should be complete by the end of July! They are wonderful!
In addition to what our agency and DCFS are requiring, we are going through the process of trying to mentally prepare for what the next few months will bring. I know it will not be easy, but I don't think I'm fully grasping how our family is about to change. With the support we have from friends and family, I'm pretty confident that we will be just fine!
Friday, June 6, 2014
It's a...
Drumroll, please!
The newest Fischer will be a...BOY! And he will be here August 4th. Yes, you read that correctly. The baby that we thought was due in September/October is actually due in 8 weeks. Further proof that God has an amazing sense of humor!
The newest Fischer will be a...BOY! And he will be here August 4th. Yes, you read that correctly. The baby that we thought was due in September/October is actually due in 8 weeks. Further proof that God has an amazing sense of humor!
Thursday, June 5, 2014
Fischer, party of...5?!
Over the past year, we've been trying to discern whether or not God has planned more children for our family. With all of the ups and downs of our process with Alex, I was starting to wonder if maybe we should just be grateful that God had blessed us with CJ and stop focusing on adding more children. I had hoped we would have one more child, but realized that maybe God's plan was just different from my own. Well, we found out recently that His plan is different, but not in the way we expected.
About a month ago, I posted that our case with Alex had been closed by the state of Arizona. What I did not mention was that CJ's birthmom is pregnant and she asked us to adopt the new baby. We were a little hesitant to share with you all, just in case plans changed. A week after she asked us to adopt the baby, she confirmed her decision. Funny how God's timing works. The day that we found out our case was closed, we also found out that we may be bringing home a new baby in the fall. We do not have a set due date yet, but believe that it will be in September or October. We also do not know the gender (because I know you were wondering).
The adoption agency we are working with here in Vegas is also able to work in Arizona, which is wonderful! The experience we've had with them so far has been great and we are very excited to work with them. I just submitted our paperwork today. Once our fingerprints and references come back, our home study process will begin.
Then, two weeks ago, I received a call from Alex's birthdad. He shared that they would like us to adopt Alex in addition to the new baby. While this was not the call we were expecting, we were certainly excited (and a little overwhelmed). It was confirmed a few days later, and we are now waiting on paperwork to go through for us to pick him up.
Our ICPC (documentation that allows us to bring Alex across state lines) and our foster license are expired, so we are working on getting those current again. We'll have to have a home visit, but most of the work was done when we got licensed the first time.
I would never have guessed that God would bless us with two more children. I definitely would not have guessed that CJ would have biological siblings living in our home. Part of me is a little terrified to grow our family so fast, but I believe that God will give us the strength and resources we need to raise these little ones.
Your prayers are appreciated as we make these transitions. Alex will probably be about 18 months old when we get custody, which will be a difficult time for him. We don't really even know when to expect the new baby. We also worry about the impact all of this will have on CJ. We will regularly post updates on the progress of adopting both children.
About a month ago, I posted that our case with Alex had been closed by the state of Arizona. What I did not mention was that CJ's birthmom is pregnant and she asked us to adopt the new baby. We were a little hesitant to share with you all, just in case plans changed. A week after she asked us to adopt the baby, she confirmed her decision. Funny how God's timing works. The day that we found out our case was closed, we also found out that we may be bringing home a new baby in the fall. We do not have a set due date yet, but believe that it will be in September or October. We also do not know the gender (because I know you were wondering).
The adoption agency we are working with here in Vegas is also able to work in Arizona, which is wonderful! The experience we've had with them so far has been great and we are very excited to work with them. I just submitted our paperwork today. Once our fingerprints and references come back, our home study process will begin.
Then, two weeks ago, I received a call from Alex's birthdad. He shared that they would like us to adopt Alex in addition to the new baby. While this was not the call we were expecting, we were certainly excited (and a little overwhelmed). It was confirmed a few days later, and we are now waiting on paperwork to go through for us to pick him up.
Our ICPC (documentation that allows us to bring Alex across state lines) and our foster license are expired, so we are working on getting those current again. We'll have to have a home visit, but most of the work was done when we got licensed the first time.
I would never have guessed that God would bless us with two more children. I definitely would not have guessed that CJ would have biological siblings living in our home. Part of me is a little terrified to grow our family so fast, but I believe that God will give us the strength and resources we need to raise these little ones.
Your prayers are appreciated as we make these transitions. Alex will probably be about 18 months old when we get custody, which will be a difficult time for him. We don't really even know when to expect the new baby. We also worry about the impact all of this will have on CJ. We will regularly post updates on the progress of adopting both children.
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