A Year in Review

I've been a little absent from this blog lately. It isn't that I haven't had things to say. There have been so many things that I've wanted to write about. It's just that, I have three kids. Not just three kids...three crazy, energetic boys who have been fighting like cats and dogs. I was at my breaking point. It's probably better that I didn't write anything because I'm sure it would not have been pretty.

As I laid in bed last night, after putting down my copy of Have a New Kid By Friday, I realized that we are just a normal family. Siblings fight. Children are disobedient. Moms want to hide in a closet just to find a few moments of peace. While this phase is driving me nuts, I am grateful that we finally feel like a family. It only took us a year...

The past year was easily the fastest and slowest year of my life. From the week I spent with Alex and Jake in Phoenix waiting for our ICPC clearance to the months when CJ acted out just to bring our attention back to himself to both adoption finalization hearings. I cannot believe how much has happened since last August 4th, the day we picked up Alex. As I think about all of the ups and downs, I can think of a few key things that I learned along the way.

1. I could not have done this on my own. Between my family and my "sister wives" and my MOPS group (and many, many more), a lot of people have contributed to helping us through this transition. From the moment we heard Jake was born, I had to start asking for help. It isn't easy. Pride wants you to think that you can handle it on your own, and you aren't a great mom if you can't. It is humbling to call someone and say "I cannot do this without you." I am so grateful that we have so many people who stepped up and offered support, meals, babysitting, and wine (my personal fave).

2. The transition is more like hiking through a mountain range, rather than clearing a single mountain. We started off in a honeymoon phase, and then reality set in, and then we found a groove and then one of the boys started having crazy tantrums. And then the cycle would continue. As soon as I felt like we were getting it, something else would happen and throw off our groove. While we are far from perfect, we are normal. I think we are nearing the end of our hike through this transition. While we will start a new hike through a new phase, I'm grateful we are moving forward.

3. I underestimated the challenges, as well as the blessings. I knew we were going to face difficult times, but I could not have anticipated what we experienced. I went to bed crying more times than I'd like to admit because I had no idea how we were going to make it through the next day. Somehow we did it, and kept on going. It wasn't until I was at a counseling appointment with Alex that I had a breakthrough. The therapist asked me about Alex's strengths. It had been a particularly challenging day, so it took me a minute. Once I got going, I developed a nice long list. It was at that moment that I realized that the only way I was going to make it through was to focus on the strengths. CJ's strengths, Alex's strengths, Jake's strengths, Matt's strengths, my strengths and our strengths as a family. I had to stop focusing on how hard it was and start appreciating the wonderful gifts and skills God gave to each of us. Once I changed my outlook, things got a little easier. It was still hard, and I still went to bed crying sometimes, but I started having more good days than bad.

As I look back and think about where we started, what we experienced, and how far we've come...I'm proud. I feel accomplished by the growth we've all seen over the course of the past year. There will always be transitions and stages that are challenging, but at least I know that I can handle it.