Little Eyes

Lately, CJ has really taken to "parenting" his Mickey Mouse doll. This doll has been very special for a long time now, but he's never taken care of it. It is so awesome to watch, especially when he tries to mimic what I'm doing for Jake. He calms Mickey using the same sayings that I use. He asked me for a bottle yesterday so that he could feed him. In the middle of each feeding, he stops to burp him. Usually, he'll put Mickey into the baby swing after a feeding so he can sleep. Today, he put Mickey in a hat and held it up to his belly to create a carrier. While all of this is adorable, my favorite is when he gets mad at us for waking Mickey up. Umm, I'm pretty sure that is the pot calling the kettle black, but I digress.

As I watched him this afternoon, it hit me just how much he watches me. He is so careful to care for Mickey exactly just as I care for Jake. After feeling all warm and tingly about it, I got a little terrified. If he's watching this carefully, am I showing him the best example of parenting? A lot of the time, the answer is a resounding "NO." Wow, what a hit to the gut. I was convicted. In that moment, I realized that little eyes are always watching me. The parent that I am today will most likely be the parent they are down the road. What do I want them to take away from this?

Parenting is already a lot of pressure, but sometimes I only think of that pressure in the here and now. I forget the lasting impact it could have. While that thought should terrify me, it provided me with some good motivation to check myself when I start to feel frustrated. With three children, frustration comes on hard and fast, but my reaction does not need to. I am hoping that I can find a way to cope with their behavior that allows me to show them the love of Christ, no matter how I am feeling on the inside.