Where did THAT come from?

As I mentioned before, I attended MOMcon last week. For the most part, it was incredible to be surrounded by that many other women who understood my needs, thoughts and craziness. I especially felt something amazing when we all worshiped together. There is something to be said about 3,000 women praising Jesus in the same room.

While I loved feeling excited about my job as a wife and mother, I noticed some strange feelings creeping in. You see, there were several moments during the conference that I was reminded of my title "Adoptive Mom." It was never done intentionally. No one purposely made me feel like I was something different. Nevertheless, it was there.

Before I begin, let me just tell you that I pride myself on not being bitter or defensive when it comes to the way God grew my family. I love answering questions about adoption. I love encouraging other moms who may be considering it as an option for their family. Only a few questions or comments really get to me anymore...or so I thought.

Very rarely do people assume you are an adoptive mom when you are just talking about your kids. In my case, even when they see my family they do not assume it. Because the majority of moms at the conference are biological moms (or at least that is my guess), no one assumed that I had not birthed my three crazy boys. The first few comments didn't even really make it into my stream of consciousness.

"Are you going to try for a girl?" - probably the question I get asked most frequently, whether talking about my boys are being out with them.

And then, I started noticing more comments.

"You all know what I'm talking about, labor is rough." - nope, can't say that I do...
"You ladies know where babies come from, I mean, your moms, you've been there." - again, nope
"It's like the first time you feel your baby move inside of you." - um, I've had indigestion before, is that close?

It was in the final workshop of the conference that I actually started getting frustrated and even a bit angry. Why? I have no idea. I know their comments were harmless. I've heard it all before.

I felt it because I was supposed to be in a safe place that encouraged me as a wife an mother. By making me feel singled out, it no longer became safe.

I felt it because I wanted someone to acknowledge my experience and help me see how to use it in the best way possible.

I felt it for the moms who are not in a good place about adoption. It is painful to admit that you will not bear children. It takes time to heal, even when you have a beautiful baby in your arms. I pray that for the ladies in attendance who struggle with their family path. I hope they all are able to see God's incredible plan, even in the darkest moments.

Please know that I do see the wee bit of crazy that crept into my line of thinking. You may not understand why I started to become offended...heck, I don't even fully understand it. It's just another moment that makes me realize that adoption is so much deeper than bringing home a baby.

Me time...finally!

This past week, I had the opportunity to attend MOMcon, the conference hosted by MOPS International. I have attended conferences in the past, but they were all designed for professional development. This was not only to improve my skills as a MOPS leader, but also as a Christian, wife and mom. Now that I am thinking about it, I guess that was professional development given that I am a stay-at-home mom. Ha! And here I was thinking it was just about me.

While I was excited to get away from the chaos, laundry and tantrums for a few days, I was more excited to learn. You see, the past year at my house has been challenging, as I've mentioned before. I was at a point where I knew something needed to change...and that something was me. I saw myself getting frustrated and angry faster, becoming a little lazier around the house, and not engaging with my boys nearly as much as I felt that I should. I was in a mom slump. I read several books in an attempt to "fix" it. I talked with friends and tried to sort through why I was lacking at home. I prayed that I would magically become more excited about housework and train sets.

"You're just tired." "You need to do more for you." "Every mom has one of those days at some point." While all that may be true, I was using those as excuses. My job is to care for my home and raise my children to be strong Christian boys. When I was working, I could never tell a supervisor "I'm just tired, so I'm not going to get ___ done." Hello, fired!

Sitting in the various workshops and sessions, I was reminded of who I was serving. Yes, I am serving Matt and my three boys, but I am also serving the Lord in all that I do. Do I really want to do a mediocre job for Him?

My greatest hope, as I settle back into my routine, is that I can keep these ideas and feelings at the forefront of my everyday thoughts. I don't want to lose the high that I brought back from Indy. I want to remain excited to play "fight" or "landfill" with my boys. I want to honor and respect my husband in all that I do. I want to turn to the Lord every time I feel the need to control my situation.

I won't be successful every day, but I will try. I believe that was the underlying message of many of the speakers I heard. You won't get it right all the time, but you don't need to let failures consume your thoughts or deter you from trying tomorrow. I believe it's only failure if it stops you from trying again.