Taking time to play

Last night, I did something that I have not done in a long time. After the girls I watch were picked up, I did nothing but play with CJ until Matt got home from work. Please don't think that I completely ignore CJ in the evening (if you've met him you would know that would be impossible). Typically, I will play with him in brief spurts, in between cleaning up and making dinner. I allow my to-do list to take charge.

I'll admit, at first I did start to clean up a few things around the house. CJ walked over and asked "Mom, do you want to play with me?" I paused for a moment and realized that there will quickly come a time when he stops asking me that question. Despite the house being a little messy and dinner needing to be made, I opted to play.

We went out into the backyard and had a water gun fight. It was awesome! We laughed, screamed, and ran around the backyard soaking wet. For 30 minutes this went on. It was not until Matt got home from work that I realized that I really needed to make dinner because he had to leave soon for bible study.

After dinner, CJ and I took Kiko on a walk and went to the library. We got back from the library and got in his space ship (aka the space between our couches) and flew to McDonalds where he ordered chicken nuggets and a hamburger. After our delicious "dinner," he used ribbons to make me look like a princess and we flew home.

I couldn't have had more fun if I tried!

CJ's behavior has been a bit of an issue lately, but last night, he was great. Over the past few months, I've spent so much time trying to find solutions to his behavior. We've tried everything...or so I thought. Instead of changing CJ, I should have been looking at how to change my own behavior. I firmly believe that kids need time to play by themselves, but I also think that they need focused 1:1 time with mom and/or dad.

I am setting a goal to not be so focused on my to-do list. I want to take advantage of the opportunities to have a water gun fight or take CJ's space ship to McDonalds. I want to ignore the clutter and just have fun!

Mother's Day

I always experience a bit of sadness on Mother's Day. Don't get me wrong, it is one of the more important holidays in my book. After having so much trouble growing our family, I wasn't shy about telling Matt how important it was to me (hint, hint). I have to give him credit; he has always done well celebrating this day for me.

What saddens is me thinking of all the women who dread this day because they are so desperate to grow their family. The women who are experiencing infertility. The women who have lost children through miscarriage (or after birth). The women who placed their children into forever families through adoption. The women who don't want to go to church because it is another reminder that they have yet to have children. The women who avoid Facebook because of all of us who boast about our children and what a blessing they are.

For these women, I pray. I ask God to give them peace and patience as they wait for God's plan to come to fruition. I beg Him to let them see joy in other aspects of their lives. I pray that they do not give up hope.

I also grow a little sad thinking of Brooke (CJ's birthmom). I wonder if this day affects her. I am curious if she has any regrets. Regardless of whether or not she is parenting her biological children, she is a mother. I spend a good portion of Mother's Day thinking of her each year. Without her, I would not have this very special title. I hope that as CJ grows up, he understands that she is a very important part of his life, even if he does not see her on a regular basis.

Let me end by saying that I am very grateful that God has blessed us with a beautiful, healthy, often crazy little boy. I thank God daily that I was chosen to be his mother. Despite the moments when I want to pull my hair out (or drink large quantities of wine), I am thankful that I can be called "mommy."

The Power of Community

Over the past few weeks, I've had two good friends deal with very difficult times. In those scary moments, I have been reminded about the power of community. Within hours of each situation, our group of friends had taken care of the basic needs - meals, childcare and lots of prayers. As I've processed what the last two weeks have brought, I've realized that community provides so much more than tangible things.

I think we often downplay the importance of relationships, especially as mothers (and fathers if any guys are reading this). So frequently, we feel that we need to prove ourselves by taking care of everything. We want to put on a strong front and make people believe that we are maintaining complete sanity at all times. The problem is that we can't do that. Literally. We are not capable of handling everything that comes up in our lives by ourselves. Even if we could, would you really want to? That is a lot of pressure!

I find myself completely guilty of trying to be some type of supermom. Unfortunately, I often turn into a super mess in those moments. Why do I feel the need to act like I've got it all together? Usually, it's pretty clear that I do not have things together. Not even a little bit.

My friends remind me that it's ok to be a mess sometimes. They have seen me wear the same thing back-to-back days. They know that when my hair is up it means I haven't washed it in two days. They have seen me lose my cool with CJ. They know that my Type A personality gets in the way more than I'd like to admit. They have seen my house in a complete disarray. Even through all of that, they love me. There is no judgment.

I consider myself blessed that I have such dear friends that I can call on at anytime for any reason. Over the past two years, these women have prayed for me, encouraged me, held me accountable, made me laugh and poured me lots of glasses of wine. :) I hope that each of you has a strong community that you can rely on at all times!