Good for you!

Yesterday morning at the park, I got talking to another mom. Her daughter is fairly close in age with Alex, so we had was a natural conversation starter. When she noticed that I had three boys, she shared that she was hoping to have a second child in the near future. She asked if it was harder to from 1-2 kids or 2-3. At that point, I had to share that the boys were adopted because I never went from 1-2. When I shared a little about our story, her response was "good for you!"

All day long, that statement stuck with me.

"Good for you!"

It was as if I had studied and aced an important test, or worked hard and received a promotion. I realize that people don't usually know what to say when I share that we adopted our boys, but this response seemed a little funny to me. So I stared wondering, how would I want someone to respond?

I think I just want a response that is similar to what they would say to a biological mom. I've never told a woman "good for you" when she shares that she is pregnant (although I may try that now just to see the reaction). I hadn't considered that something as simple as this would be just another reminder that I am "different." I wasn't upset by her comment. It takes a lot to offend me or hurt my feelings when it comes to adoption. I simply found it to be an interesting response, and I wasn't sure what to make of it.

Any adoptive moms following this, feel free to comment with what you like to hear when you share that your child(ren) is/are adopted.

My little Superman

Resurfaced Feelings

When CJ was our only child, I held a small shred of hope that we might get pregnant one day. Don't get me wrong, I have always been fully aware of our chances and have spent a lot of time working through the feelings associated with infertility. That doesn't mean that I couldn't hold hope that it could still happen to us.

Recently, I was thinking about where life has taken our family, and it made me a little sad. Sad because I realized that a biological child is somewhat out of the question now. We are in waaaay over our heads with three kids, so the idea of a fourth child brings on a crazy level of anxiety.

I hadn't thought about this until I started seeing so many Facebook updates with baby bump pictures, ultrasound pictures and gender reveals. Have you noticed that you never just have one pregnant friend? It happens in clumps of four or five at a time. For a minute, I thought that it would be amazing to be able to post those things...and then the baby started crying while Alex hit CJ and CJ threw applesauce across the dining room. Yeah, I'm not sure I could handle another child.

It's a weird shift, to go from hoping for a biological child to hoping that it doesn't happen. It's not a feeling that they prepare you for when you attend adoption training classes. You learn how to cope with infertility, the emotions related to the adoption process, and the fears that come with being an "adoptive parent." No one tells you how to let go of the desire to have a baby.

It may take time, but with three kids I've noticed that time flies by pretty fast. While it would be amazing to experience pregnancy, or to see my features in a child, or to identify the characteristics that he/she inherited from me, I have been blessed with three beautiful boys. If God sends us a miracle, we will be very happy, but we will also be VERY happy to stop with what He has already given us.

A Refreshed Soul

I know the title sounds a little cheesy, but this is exactly how I feel tonight. My soul has been refreshed! After finding out that our babysitters don't need to be cleared through CPS, I was excited to plan a date night. Matt's cousins offered to watch the kids, and we jumped at the chance to go out. However, as it got closer, I started to wonder if we were going to have to cancel. Alex has been dealing with a food intolerance, but we can't figure out which food is giving him trouble (we just cut milk, hoping that works). That food intolerance created very messy diapers which created a horrible diaper rash. Jake wasn't handling his formula well, so we've been trying out new options. CJ has been acting out a little, which encourages Alex to act out too.

Yesterday was rough! Never mind the toxic diapers we were changing, the kids were acting out of control. Matt and I were not our best selves yesterday. As we went to bed, I asked him if we should just cancel. As frustrated as we were, we did not want anyone else do deal with the craziness of our kids. We decided to wait until today to make a final call. We figured that maybe they just needed a good night's rest.

Things were still a little iffy today, but we had already made a reservation at a foot spa. We decided to go to our appointment (which was amazing) and then see how the kids were doing. Thankfully, they were behaving well, so we continued on to dinner... a dinner that was not interrupted by kids asking for more noodles, or complaining about the meal, or throwing food at the dog.

As we got in our car to head home, we were a new couple. We were relaxed, which may have been due to the glass of wine we enjoyed with our meal. We were excited to see the kids and they were excited to see us. We had a great night as a family!

We've always known the value in time spent as a couple, but lately we haven't had the time or energy to go out. Three kids has been more of an adjustment than I was ready for. We've had great days and we've had terrible days. While it was hard to carve out time to go on a date, this was when we needed it the most. We will be better about date nights in the future, even if it is only once per month. We are better parents when we are able to spend a little time away from our kids. We love them, but we also know that our family will function much better when our marriage is strong.