When I talk with people about the challenges we are experiencing with the kids, they often respond with something to the effect of "try to enjoy it, because one day you'll realize how much you miss these years." I say, BS!
I have a hard time believing that I am going to miss 3 hour temper tantrums. Or being awakened every two hours because my baby is teething. Or having my preschooler tell me how much he doesn't like me (although I'm pretty sure that lasts for many years to come). Or scheduling monthly home visits to make sure that I'm properly caring for my two youngest children. Or having almost no identity outside of the four walls I call home.
I know that there are parts of this stage that I will miss. Being able to hold Jacob in my arms. Alex's inability to open doors. CJ's awesome dance moves (I really hope those never go away, and that he always feels comfortable dancing his little heart out). Not having to figure out how to balance a full-time job with raising three spirited boys. I am blessed in many ways; I acknowledge that.
But, why do people feel the need to "make me feel better" by suggesting that I should be happier or more grateful than I am. Why do I have to enjoy every phase my children go through.
It is easy to suggest that things really aren't as bad as they seem, or that I'm ignoring how wonderful things really are. Why can't people just say "that really sucks" when I share some of the problems I'm working through.
I'm not suggesting that you let me wallow in self-pity or anger. It would not be healthy to focus solely on the various crap that I deal with on a daily basis. Sometimes I need to be put in check, but sometimes, I just need to vent.
This is a tough time in our house, and I know it will pass.
Friday, March 27, 2015
Friday, March 20, 2015
Requiring vaccinations?
A friend recently posted an article on Facebook about a new requirement for foster parents in the state of Washington. Effective January 11th, foster families are required to receive pertussis and influenza vaccinations if they plan to care of a child 2 years of age and younger. Now, dozens of families are saying they will allow their license to lapse because they do not agree with the decision.
I've been sitting here thinking about this for awhile now, and I just don't know how I feel about it. I can honestly say that I see both sides of the argument.
I totally understand why foster parents are frustrated. We already have a laundry list of requirements that we meet in order to care for these children. This feels like one more hoop to jump through. In addition, there are many people who choose not to vaccinate for a variety of reasons.
On the other hand, the health and safety of the children should be at the forefront of all that we do as foster parents. Children 2 and under are definitely high risk and need the added protection from pertussis and the flu.
I'm wondering if other states will follow suit. To be honest, I'm surprised we haven't seen this more, given how bad flu season has been the past couple of years.
The sad fact is that the children in the system will probably be the ones impacted the most. As it is, there are not enough foster homes. To see that number decrease even more will mean that current foster families will potentially be placed with more children. The state of Washington will have their work cut out for them in recruiting more families.
Here is the article, if you are interested: http://www.seattletimes.com/seattle-news/foster-parents-to-forgo-licenses-over-forced-flu-shots/
What do you think?
I've been sitting here thinking about this for awhile now, and I just don't know how I feel about it. I can honestly say that I see both sides of the argument.
I totally understand why foster parents are frustrated. We already have a laundry list of requirements that we meet in order to care for these children. This feels like one more hoop to jump through. In addition, there are many people who choose not to vaccinate for a variety of reasons.
On the other hand, the health and safety of the children should be at the forefront of all that we do as foster parents. Children 2 and under are definitely high risk and need the added protection from pertussis and the flu.
I'm wondering if other states will follow suit. To be honest, I'm surprised we haven't seen this more, given how bad flu season has been the past couple of years.
The sad fact is that the children in the system will probably be the ones impacted the most. As it is, there are not enough foster homes. To see that number decrease even more will mean that current foster families will potentially be placed with more children. The state of Washington will have their work cut out for them in recruiting more families.
Here is the article, if you are interested: http://www.seattletimes.com/seattle-news/foster-parents-to-forgo-licenses-over-forced-flu-shots/
What do you think?
Tuesday, March 17, 2015
Post-adoption blues
This is a great article about the side of adoption that many people don't see or know about. I think a lot of adoptive parents are embarrassed by some of the feelings they experience after bringing the baby home. I can say, from experience, that these are right on.
https://www.adoptivefamilies.com/adoption-welcome-home/complex-post-adoption-emotions/?FBAdsFans
https://www.adoptivefamilies.com/adoption-welcome-home/complex-post-adoption-emotions/?FBAdsFans
Monday, March 9, 2015
It's not you, it's me...
At my MOPS meeting this past week, we had a speaker talk about being fearless to follow God's plan for your life. One of our discussion questions was about our current fears and what is holding us back. It had been a looooonnnng week with one of our boys, and so I ended up with what I like to call verbal diarrhea. As I talked about my fears of parenting spirited (and at times, difficult) children, I realized something...
My biggest issue comes because I had unknowingly set expectations on how this entire process would go.
Last summer, I told myself that we were ready to take on the challenge of two additional children. I was certain that we would experience some bumps, but assumed that we could move through them quickly. I was confident that after 3-6 months, we be a cohesive family unit. I never considered the fact that one of the boys could have more deep-seeded problems than simple transitional issues.
Reality was harsh.
We are seven months into this process, and it still sucks at times. The behavioral issues are a cycle. The challenges keep coming. My expectations keep getting crushed. But you know what, it's going to be ok.
While we've experienced every emotion under the sun and more challenges than I would have anticipated, we have also received more love and support than I could have pictured. I am so grateful for the friends who offer to take one or more kids when another is having a rough day. I appreciate the texts that say "You need a night out. I'll be over in 10 minutes to pick you up." I tear up when a friend tells that me she's been praying for me.
If I could go back in time to give myself advice, it would be this:
~Erase all expectations and just know that there will be challenges and there will be successes. Everyone's experience is different and literally nothing will prepare for you what is coming. You may feel like you are taking several steps back, but there is always forward movement.
~You need to rely on others and ask for help. You have an amazing community, it doesn't do you any good to attempt to handle this on your own. God placed these people in your life for a reason.
~The behavior of your children during this transition (and any other time, really) is not necessarily a reflection of you. There are so many factors at work in this situation, that it would be impossible to say that there is one reason for it all. Release yourself from some of the pressure and guilt, and simply focus on the kids.
And finally...
~When you have no other options in sight, fall to your knees in prayer. There will be moments when you have no idea what to do next. Go to God. He has an answer for you.
I pray for those who are considering adoption or foster care. It is not for the faint at heart. My hope is that they have the support system in place to make it through the dark days, and friends who are ready to celebrate the good ones. If you are in this process and don't have a strong community yet, I'd encourage you to start looking. Adoption/foster care groups, churches and even playgrounds are great places to connect with other moms. Even Facebook groups can be helpful when you aren't sure what to do. I've somehow managed to meet other adoptive moms in the kids' section at Target. We're out there! I also hope that my experience with high expectations can help prepare someone else for what lies ahead.
It isn't easy, but it will be well worth it in the long run.
My biggest issue comes because I had unknowingly set expectations on how this entire process would go.
Last summer, I told myself that we were ready to take on the challenge of two additional children. I was certain that we would experience some bumps, but assumed that we could move through them quickly. I was confident that after 3-6 months, we be a cohesive family unit. I never considered the fact that one of the boys could have more deep-seeded problems than simple transitional issues.
Reality was harsh.
We are seven months into this process, and it still sucks at times. The behavioral issues are a cycle. The challenges keep coming. My expectations keep getting crushed. But you know what, it's going to be ok.
While we've experienced every emotion under the sun and more challenges than I would have anticipated, we have also received more love and support than I could have pictured. I am so grateful for the friends who offer to take one or more kids when another is having a rough day. I appreciate the texts that say "You need a night out. I'll be over in 10 minutes to pick you up." I tear up when a friend tells that me she's been praying for me.
If I could go back in time to give myself advice, it would be this:
~Erase all expectations and just know that there will be challenges and there will be successes. Everyone's experience is different and literally nothing will prepare for you what is coming. You may feel like you are taking several steps back, but there is always forward movement.
~You need to rely on others and ask for help. You have an amazing community, it doesn't do you any good to attempt to handle this on your own. God placed these people in your life for a reason.
~The behavior of your children during this transition (and any other time, really) is not necessarily a reflection of you. There are so many factors at work in this situation, that it would be impossible to say that there is one reason for it all. Release yourself from some of the pressure and guilt, and simply focus on the kids.
And finally...
~When you have no other options in sight, fall to your knees in prayer. There will be moments when you have no idea what to do next. Go to God. He has an answer for you.
I pray for those who are considering adoption or foster care. It is not for the faint at heart. My hope is that they have the support system in place to make it through the dark days, and friends who are ready to celebrate the good ones. If you are in this process and don't have a strong community yet, I'd encourage you to start looking. Adoption/foster care groups, churches and even playgrounds are great places to connect with other moms. Even Facebook groups can be helpful when you aren't sure what to do. I've somehow managed to meet other adoptive moms in the kids' section at Target. We're out there! I also hope that my experience with high expectations can help prepare someone else for what lies ahead.
It isn't easy, but it will be well worth it in the long run.
Quick Update
I've been terrible about posting updates on how our process is going. One of the boys had some struggles last week, and so everything else got put on hold. We're back to "normal" and I've had some time to gather my thoughts. Here are a few quick updates for you:
!. Jacob's adoption finalization will be Monday, April 6th. We are so excited that we have a date! The fact that it falls the day after Easter allows Matt's parents to attend because they had already planned on being in Las Vegas for the weekend.
2. Alex's adoption home study is in process. We've done everything we can at this point, and are now just waiting for things to get sent down to Arizona.
3. We found out that we will finalize Alex's adoption here in Las Vegas. We had been under the impression that we would travel to Arizona for the hearing, but our social worker clarified with me last week. It would have been nice to have a reason to go down and visit some people, but we are grateful for one less trip on our calendar.
That's it for now. I'm hoping that I'll soon be able to share Alex's finalization date with you. :)
!. Jacob's adoption finalization will be Monday, April 6th. We are so excited that we have a date! The fact that it falls the day after Easter allows Matt's parents to attend because they had already planned on being in Las Vegas for the weekend.
2. Alex's adoption home study is in process. We've done everything we can at this point, and are now just waiting for things to get sent down to Arizona.
3. We found out that we will finalize Alex's adoption here in Las Vegas. We had been under the impression that we would travel to Arizona for the hearing, but our social worker clarified with me last week. It would have been nice to have a reason to go down and visit some people, but we are grateful for one less trip on our calendar.
That's it for now. I'm hoping that I'll soon be able to share Alex's finalization date with you. :)
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)