It's hard to believe that two years have gone by since our adoption finalization. With so many people knowing our story, it is a rare occasion when I come across someone who does not know that CJ is adopted.
Two weeks ago, I was with some friends. We met them last year and see them occasionally, but I wouldn't say that we're close. As we talked, I mentioned something about CJ's half-brother. The look on their faces clearly showed me that they had no idea what I was talking about. As I stammered through an explanation of our situation with Alex, I realized that the look was not because of Alex, it was because they couldn't figure out how CJ had a brother when I didn't have any other children. I explained that CJ was adopted and gave them a brief version of our adoption story. They were blown away; they could not believe that CJ was adopted. We get this a lot. CJ has similar skin and hair color, so I don't think anyone assumes that he is adopted. It's been awhile since I've witnessed someone's shock when they learn our family story.
As strange as this sounds, there are times when I forget CJ is adopted. I don't mean that I see him as a biological child, just that his adoption is not the first thing that comes to mind. That is a big thing for me. Early in his life, I was very aware that he was not a biological child. I felt that I needed to justify decisions, I felt like less of a mom because I didn't experience pregnancy or labor, and I felt that everyone looked at me differently because of his adoption.
The fact that I now don't think about his adoption just shows how much God has changed me over the past two years. I have gained confidence as a mom, I have fully accepted how God wanted to grow our family, and I found support in other adoptive moms.
It is such a good feeling to look at CJ and simply see my son!
Saturday, September 28, 2013
Tuesday, September 3, 2013
Baby Sellers
Not too long ago, I saw a commercial for a Lifetime movie called "Baby Sellers." It's based on real cases of illegal adoption rings. I chose not to watch it because I could not stomach the idea. Being an adoptive parent, I want to believe that everyone involved with adoptions has pure intentions. Sadly, I know that this is not the world we live in. I always assumed that people viewed adoption as a positive, albeit very difficult, experience. You can imagine my shock when I started seeing extremely negative comments toward adoptive parents on various websites/blogs.
Since we started the adoption process, I've visited Adoptive Families Circle to read questions and comments from adoptive parents and birth parents. Typically, everything on the website is very positive, encouraging and informational. One day, I started seeing some very negative posts from one "reader." She consistently put down adoptive parents and implied that we are manipulative, conniving, baby snatchers. I figured that it was a fluke and I happened to find the one person who had a negative experience with adoption. Then, I started pinning various adoption related things on Pinterest. Usually, I don't read the comments people leave on pins, but for some reason I read some of them. Again, I found people who were extremely negative toward adoptive parents.
I couldn't understand. Didn't they realize that I would have done almost anything to have a biological child? Have they not seen the amount of time, effort and money that goes into the process? Are they not aware of the intensely personal home study and background checks that a prospective adoptive parents experiences? I was hurt. I was angry. I was extremely confused. And then I started to think about why someone might post things like that. Maybe she was tricked into placing her baby for adoption. Maybe the adoptive parents that she selected stopped communication despite what had been previously discussed. Maybe she was an adoptee who was not able to find her mother/father because of a shady adoption process.
It still bothers me that people say such nasty things about adoptive parents, but at least I have some ideas on why they might be jaded. I can only hope and pray that we get to a place where the best interest of the child is placed at the forefront. I hope that the men, women and children who have been negatively impacted by adoption find someone to show them a positive scenario.
Since we started the adoption process, I've visited Adoptive Families Circle to read questions and comments from adoptive parents and birth parents. Typically, everything on the website is very positive, encouraging and informational. One day, I started seeing some very negative posts from one "reader." She consistently put down adoptive parents and implied that we are manipulative, conniving, baby snatchers. I figured that it was a fluke and I happened to find the one person who had a negative experience with adoption. Then, I started pinning various adoption related things on Pinterest. Usually, I don't read the comments people leave on pins, but for some reason I read some of them. Again, I found people who were extremely negative toward adoptive parents.
I couldn't understand. Didn't they realize that I would have done almost anything to have a biological child? Have they not seen the amount of time, effort and money that goes into the process? Are they not aware of the intensely personal home study and background checks that a prospective adoptive parents experiences? I was hurt. I was angry. I was extremely confused. And then I started to think about why someone might post things like that. Maybe she was tricked into placing her baby for adoption. Maybe the adoptive parents that she selected stopped communication despite what had been previously discussed. Maybe she was an adoptee who was not able to find her mother/father because of a shady adoption process.
It still bothers me that people say such nasty things about adoptive parents, but at least I have some ideas on why they might be jaded. I can only hope and pray that we get to a place where the best interest of the child is placed at the forefront. I hope that the men, women and children who have been negatively impacted by adoption find someone to show them a positive scenario.
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