This past weekend, we attended a picnic hosted by our adoption agency. It was their annual Adoption Picnic, and I was so excited to go. It had been over a year since I had seen most of the couples from our infant adoption class. We'd been keeping in touch via e-mail whenever someone was placed, but it had been sporadic. While we haven't talked or seen each other, we still hold a very special common bond. As soon as we arrived, I got a hug from one of the girls in the class. Slowly, about half of our class arrived to join in the celebration. All of us proudly showing off our little guys and gals. We caught up on how things had been going, and shared the stories of how our children came into our families.
I don't think I realized how much I needed to be around other women who had been through a similar experience. Don't get me wrong, I have very supportive family and friends, who have all been more than happy to let me share our experience with them. I love talking about our process, regardless of the audience. The biggest difference is that the women from the class have been there. They completely understand the emotions that we experienced as we waited, after we got "the call," and at the arrival of Caleb. The doubt, frustration, anger, bitterness that turned into trust, love, joy and awe. It's hard for others to understand why I didn't take the tags off of baby gifts until just before he arrived (or after in some cases). It's hard to explain the fear that Brooke would change her mind. It's hard to describe the relief in realizing that my love for Caleb was no different than if I had given birth to him myself.
One family that I was very excited to meet was a couple whose daughter was born about 10 hours after Caleb in Tucson. Our counselor kept running back and forth between the two hospitals trying to support both adoptive families. As we were being discharged from the hospital, she suggested that I get into contact with them because they also lived in North Phoenix. We tried to connect via e-mail, but it just never worked out. As Matt and I ate lunch, I started talking to the lady next to me. I asked how old her daughter was, and shared that our son was the same age. She asked his birthday and we figured it out. What are the odds? Hopefully, we will keep in touch with them since they live so close to us.
As we all talked, I got an overwhelming feeling of relief. It was as if my heart and mind had been waiting to talk with other adoptive parents. I loved hearing their stories and learning more about their little ones. When I talk about a relationship with our birth mom, they know exactly what I am talking about. When I share the strange questions we've been asked, they have been asked the same questions. I think the most amazing part was connecting so much with people that I had just met. I knew that I would be able to talk and share with the couples from our class. I didn't expect to have a similar experience with couples from other classes.
Adoption creates a wonderful bond between people. Often, I think about the connection we have with Brooke, but it goes far beyond that. If I could pass along any suggestions to parents who are adopting, or who have adopted, it would be to find a support system of other adoptive parents. As Caleb gets older, I want him to be around other children who are adopted. I want him to know that he is not the only one out there. As much as he needs that, I also need that.
I really feel as though I am meant to do something more with adoption. I don't mean to adopt again (which is the plan, at this point). I mean that I feel called to work with adoptive moms. It may not be a career path, but definitely something that I can do as a volunteer opportunity. At this point, I'm not sure what that will be but I figured that if I write it down people may hold me accountable to follow through. :)
