I think a lot of people have some misconceptions of how the adoption process goes. Not necessarily the actual process, but it's impact on the adoptive family (I am not ignoring the experience of the birthmother; I can only speak to my own experience). Over the past few weeks, I've spoken with several friends who are in various stages of the adoption process. I've also seen a few comments in online blogs that made me think. Two of my friends have experienced some pretty big challenges throughout their processes. As I've talked with them about it, I realized that most people have no idea some of the feelings and emotions that adoptive families experience. There are three specific times that come to mind. If you've followed my blog for awhile, then you may have already read some of this.
First, is when we met and got to know Brooke. Most people know that it is a nerve-wracking experience. What you may not realize is that it is exhausting. Throughout the entire first meeting, you are worried about every word that comes out of your mouth. You question everything. After all, you are trying to show someone how great you'll be as a parent without actually saying it. You are certain that one wrong statement will jeopardize your chances. You leave each meeting feeling mentally and emotionally spent. No matter how much you get to know her, you still fear that you'll unintentionally offend her or make her question you ability to care for her child. We may tell you, "we just met a birthmother," but please understand that it goes much deeper than that.
The second is when we were matched with our birthmother. I think most would assume that the pressure is gone because you are already matched. There are no guarantees, and decisions can be changed. Not only did we still feel the need to impress Brooke, but we also had to figure out how to be "expecting parents." No matter how much I wanted to go through the traditional preparations, I was afraid I would jinx myself. The internal conflict was much bigger than I would have guessed. Ultimately, we prepared the nursery about 3 weeks before CJ was born (which was actually very cathartic for me). Several friends offered to host a baby shower for us. While I was excited to experience that rite of passage, I thought we would be judged since nothing was guaranteed. My friends were very convincing, and did host a baby shower for us. Not every adoptive mom is comfortable with preparing in advance (aside from what you absolutely have to have). I know women who bought only essential items and then created a nursery and shopped for baby items once they brought the baby home. If you know a woman who is matched and waiting, please just tell them that they should do whatever they are comfortable with to prepare for the baby's arrival. Don't assume you understand the emotions that we, as adoptive moms, experience. Just allow us to prepare for our child in whatever way makes sense to us.
The third was when CJ was born. Initially, it was very bittersweet. I wanted to be excited because our child had just arrived, but I tried to minimize my feelings because I knew it was one of the hardest days of Brooke's life. It was very hard to hide some of the emotions that I so desperately wanted to let out. Once I figured out how to feel, I realized that I had to wait just a little longer to know for sure that we would be bringing that baby home. We felt very confident that Brooke was going to follow through with her adoption plan, but as I stated before, there are no guarantees. In Arizona, Brooke was not able to sign the Consent to Adoption until 72 hours after CJ was born. It was easily the longest 72 hours of my life. We had already bonded with CJ, and fallen in love with him, so the thought of not bringing him home was terrifying. Please know that when adoptive parents are in the hospital with the baby, the feelings go way beyond happiness. There is sadness, fear, anxiety and much more. Every adoptive family has a different experience, so just be sensitive to that when commenting after the baby arrives.
I write this not to elicit pity from you or make you feel guilty, but to help you understand some of the adoption experience that often does not get shared. I've made it a goal to be completely transparent in our adoption process. I hope that this gives you a little insight into some our private adoption moments.
Saturday, November 30, 2013
Friday, November 8, 2013
Friday, November 1, 2013
30 Facts About Adoption
*I will be adding a new fact each day, during the month of November.
1. The average adoption is completed within two years.
2. The average domestic adoption costs $20,000-$40,000, although the costs vary depending on situation.
3. In 2012, there were 8,668 international adoptions to the United States, which is a 7% decrease from 2011 and a 62% decrease from 2004. (US Department of State)
4. It is estimated that at least 80% of domestic infant adoptions are open adoptions. When we began the adoption process, we were afraid of the idea, but are so thankful that we have kept a relationship with CJ's birthmom.
5. Adopted children make up roughly 2% of the total child population (18 and under).
6. Nearly 40 percent of American adults, or 81.5 million people, have considered adopting a child, according to the National Adoption Attitudes Survey. If just one in 500 of these adults adopted, every waiting child in foster care would have a permanent family.
7. In most states, open adoption agreements are not legally enforceable.
8. Of US adoptions, 38% are private domestic adoptions, 37% are foster care adoptions and 25% are international adoptions (approximately).
9. Many people assume that birthmothers are teens because that is what you often see on TV. The reality is that most are over the age of 18, usually in their 20s.
10. In 2000, the US Census included "adopted son/daughter" as a kinship category for the first time in history.
11. Data for private domestic adoptions is hard to find because states are not legally required to report those numbers.
12. Each state has a different law regarding when birthmothers are able to sign consent to adopt (birthfathers can sign anytime). States vary from "anytime following birth" to "no sooner than 15 days after birth." In many states, the timing is no sooner than 72 hours following birth (as was our case in Arizona).
13. In some states, birth mothers are able to revoke their Consent to Adopt within a certain period of time. That ranges from 3 days to 180 days (Rhode Island). In quite a few states, consent is irrevocable immediately upon signing, which was the case for us in Arizona.
14. The majority of people who adopt through private agencies cite fertility problems as a reason for choosing adoption. This is not the case for the majority of people who adopt through the foster care system.
15. I love my son as much as I would if he were a biological child.
16. With private domestic adoption, it is estimated that over 60% of placements are for children one month of age or younger.
17. The Interstate Compact for the Placement of Children (ICPC) is a uniform law enacted in all 50 states, the District of Columbia, and the U.S. Virgin Islands, establishing procedures for interstate adoption placements. It applies only to children who are placed for adoption across state lines, and not to placements with a close adult relative.
18. The number of adoptions in the U.S. reached its highest point in 1970.
19. There are an estimated 3,000 adoption agencies in the United States, public and private.
20. Adoptive or foster parents do qualify for FMLA leave, which may be taken prior to the placement if the parent is required to attend counseling sessions, appear in court, consult with his or her attorney or the birth parent’s representative, submit to a physical examination, or travel to another country to complete an adoption before the actual date of placement. (http://www.dol.gov/whd/regs/compliance/whdfs28f.pdf)
21. In some instances, adoption assistance is available from your state of residence. The US Dept of Health & Human Services has a website that connects adoptive families to information by state (https://www.childwelfare.gov/adoption/adopt_assistance/).
22. Every state, and the District of Columbia, require all prospective adoptive parents to participate in a home study. This process is designed to educate and prepare the adoptive family, determine the fitness of the adoptive family, and allow the social worker to gather information to help in matching them with a birth family.
23. Today is National Adoption Day (the Saturday before Thanksgiving each year). Last year, more than 4500 children were adopted by their forever families on NAD.
24. A few celebrities who were adopted (some were adopted by relatives) - Jamie Foxx, Steve Jobs, Dave Thomas, Snooki, Faith Hill, Jack Nicholson.
25. In 2011, Americans adopted the highest number of children from China, followed by Ethiopia, Russian, South Korea, and Ukraine.
26. The United States adopts more children, not only internationally but also domestically, than the rest of the world combined.
27. To date, all 50 States, the District of Columbia, and Puerto Rico have enacted safe haven legislation. The focus of these laws is protecting newborns. In approximately 12 States and Puerto Rico, infants who are 72 hours old or younger may be relinquished to a designated safe haven. Approximately 19 States accept infants up to 1 month old. Other States specify varying age limits in their statutes.
28. In 1993, the Hague Convention on Intercountry Adoption was passed. It sets uniform standards for the protection of adopted children.
29 . The first recorded legal adoption in the colonies occurred in 1693 when Governor Sir William Phips of Massachusetts adopted his son.
30. Adoptive parents submit excessive amounts of paperwork, spend endless hours in preparation and spend a great deal of money to bring home a child...and it is completely worth it!
1. The average adoption is completed within two years.
2. The average domestic adoption costs $20,000-$40,000, although the costs vary depending on situation.
3. In 2012, there were 8,668 international adoptions to the United States, which is a 7% decrease from 2011 and a 62% decrease from 2004. (US Department of State)
4. It is estimated that at least 80% of domestic infant adoptions are open adoptions. When we began the adoption process, we were afraid of the idea, but are so thankful that we have kept a relationship with CJ's birthmom.
5. Adopted children make up roughly 2% of the total child population (18 and under).
6. Nearly 40 percent of American adults, or 81.5 million people, have considered adopting a child, according to the National Adoption Attitudes Survey. If just one in 500 of these adults adopted, every waiting child in foster care would have a permanent family.
7. In most states, open adoption agreements are not legally enforceable.
8. Of US adoptions, 38% are private domestic adoptions, 37% are foster care adoptions and 25% are international adoptions (approximately).
9. Many people assume that birthmothers are teens because that is what you often see on TV. The reality is that most are over the age of 18, usually in their 20s.
10. In 2000, the US Census included "adopted son/daughter" as a kinship category for the first time in history.
11. Data for private domestic adoptions is hard to find because states are not legally required to report those numbers.
12. Each state has a different law regarding when birthmothers are able to sign consent to adopt (birthfathers can sign anytime). States vary from "anytime following birth" to "no sooner than 15 days after birth." In many states, the timing is no sooner than 72 hours following birth (as was our case in Arizona).
13. In some states, birth mothers are able to revoke their Consent to Adopt within a certain period of time. That ranges from 3 days to 180 days (Rhode Island). In quite a few states, consent is irrevocable immediately upon signing, which was the case for us in Arizona.
14. The majority of people who adopt through private agencies cite fertility problems as a reason for choosing adoption. This is not the case for the majority of people who adopt through the foster care system.
15. I love my son as much as I would if he were a biological child.
16. With private domestic adoption, it is estimated that over 60% of placements are for children one month of age or younger.
17. The Interstate Compact for the Placement of Children (ICPC) is a uniform law enacted in all 50 states, the District of Columbia, and the U.S. Virgin Islands, establishing procedures for interstate adoption placements. It applies only to children who are placed for adoption across state lines, and not to placements with a close adult relative.
18. The number of adoptions in the U.S. reached its highest point in 1970.
19. There are an estimated 3,000 adoption agencies in the United States, public and private.
20. Adoptive or foster parents do qualify for FMLA leave, which may be taken prior to the placement if the parent is required to attend counseling sessions, appear in court, consult with his or her attorney or the birth parent’s representative, submit to a physical examination, or travel to another country to complete an adoption before the actual date of placement. (http://www.dol.gov/whd/regs/compliance/whdfs28f.pdf)
21. In some instances, adoption assistance is available from your state of residence. The US Dept of Health & Human Services has a website that connects adoptive families to information by state (https://www.childwelfare.gov/adoption/adopt_assistance/).
22. Every state, and the District of Columbia, require all prospective adoptive parents to participate in a home study. This process is designed to educate and prepare the adoptive family, determine the fitness of the adoptive family, and allow the social worker to gather information to help in matching them with a birth family.
23. Today is National Adoption Day (the Saturday before Thanksgiving each year). Last year, more than 4500 children were adopted by their forever families on NAD.
24. A few celebrities who were adopted (some were adopted by relatives) - Jamie Foxx, Steve Jobs, Dave Thomas, Snooki, Faith Hill, Jack Nicholson.
25. In 2011, Americans adopted the highest number of children from China, followed by Ethiopia, Russian, South Korea, and Ukraine.
26. The United States adopts more children, not only internationally but also domestically, than the rest of the world combined.
27. To date, all 50 States, the District of Columbia, and Puerto Rico have enacted safe haven legislation. The focus of these laws is protecting newborns. In approximately 12 States and Puerto Rico, infants who are 72 hours old or younger may be relinquished to a designated safe haven. Approximately 19 States accept infants up to 1 month old. Other States specify varying age limits in their statutes.
28. In 1993, the Hague Convention on Intercountry Adoption was passed. It sets uniform standards for the protection of adopted children.
29 . The first recorded legal adoption in the colonies occurred in 1693 when Governor Sir William Phips of Massachusetts adopted his son.
30. Adoptive parents submit excessive amounts of paperwork, spend endless hours in preparation and spend a great deal of money to bring home a child...and it is completely worth it!
National Adoption Month
November is National Adoption Month. Obviously, this is something that is very near and dear to my heart. Being so blessed through the adoption of our son, I want nothing more than to encourage others consider adoption or those who are going through the process.
Each day this month, I will post a fact about adoption. Despite my research, there is still so much that I can learn. I hope that I can also educate others and dispel any myths that are out there. If you find any neat facts, please leave them as comments!
Each day this month, I will post a fact about adoption. Despite my research, there is still so much that I can learn. I hope that I can also educate others and dispel any myths that are out there. If you find any neat facts, please leave them as comments!
Saturday, September 28, 2013
Happy Adoption Anniversary! (two weeks late)
It's hard to believe that two years have gone by since our adoption finalization. With so many people knowing our story, it is a rare occasion when I come across someone who does not know that CJ is adopted.
Two weeks ago, I was with some friends. We met them last year and see them occasionally, but I wouldn't say that we're close. As we talked, I mentioned something about CJ's half-brother. The look on their faces clearly showed me that they had no idea what I was talking about. As I stammered through an explanation of our situation with Alex, I realized that the look was not because of Alex, it was because they couldn't figure out how CJ had a brother when I didn't have any other children. I explained that CJ was adopted and gave them a brief version of our adoption story. They were blown away; they could not believe that CJ was adopted. We get this a lot. CJ has similar skin and hair color, so I don't think anyone assumes that he is adopted. It's been awhile since I've witnessed someone's shock when they learn our family story.
As strange as this sounds, there are times when I forget CJ is adopted. I don't mean that I see him as a biological child, just that his adoption is not the first thing that comes to mind. That is a big thing for me. Early in his life, I was very aware that he was not a biological child. I felt that I needed to justify decisions, I felt like less of a mom because I didn't experience pregnancy or labor, and I felt that everyone looked at me differently because of his adoption.
The fact that I now don't think about his adoption just shows how much God has changed me over the past two years. I have gained confidence as a mom, I have fully accepted how God wanted to grow our family, and I found support in other adoptive moms.
It is such a good feeling to look at CJ and simply see my son!
Two weeks ago, I was with some friends. We met them last year and see them occasionally, but I wouldn't say that we're close. As we talked, I mentioned something about CJ's half-brother. The look on their faces clearly showed me that they had no idea what I was talking about. As I stammered through an explanation of our situation with Alex, I realized that the look was not because of Alex, it was because they couldn't figure out how CJ had a brother when I didn't have any other children. I explained that CJ was adopted and gave them a brief version of our adoption story. They were blown away; they could not believe that CJ was adopted. We get this a lot. CJ has similar skin and hair color, so I don't think anyone assumes that he is adopted. It's been awhile since I've witnessed someone's shock when they learn our family story.
As strange as this sounds, there are times when I forget CJ is adopted. I don't mean that I see him as a biological child, just that his adoption is not the first thing that comes to mind. That is a big thing for me. Early in his life, I was very aware that he was not a biological child. I felt that I needed to justify decisions, I felt like less of a mom because I didn't experience pregnancy or labor, and I felt that everyone looked at me differently because of his adoption.
The fact that I now don't think about his adoption just shows how much God has changed me over the past two years. I have gained confidence as a mom, I have fully accepted how God wanted to grow our family, and I found support in other adoptive moms.
It is such a good feeling to look at CJ and simply see my son!
Tuesday, September 3, 2013
Baby Sellers
Not too long ago, I saw a commercial for a Lifetime movie called "Baby Sellers." It's based on real cases of illegal adoption rings. I chose not to watch it because I could not stomach the idea. Being an adoptive parent, I want to believe that everyone involved with adoptions has pure intentions. Sadly, I know that this is not the world we live in. I always assumed that people viewed adoption as a positive, albeit very difficult, experience. You can imagine my shock when I started seeing extremely negative comments toward adoptive parents on various websites/blogs.
Since we started the adoption process, I've visited Adoptive Families Circle to read questions and comments from adoptive parents and birth parents. Typically, everything on the website is very positive, encouraging and informational. One day, I started seeing some very negative posts from one "reader." She consistently put down adoptive parents and implied that we are manipulative, conniving, baby snatchers. I figured that it was a fluke and I happened to find the one person who had a negative experience with adoption. Then, I started pinning various adoption related things on Pinterest. Usually, I don't read the comments people leave on pins, but for some reason I read some of them. Again, I found people who were extremely negative toward adoptive parents.
I couldn't understand. Didn't they realize that I would have done almost anything to have a biological child? Have they not seen the amount of time, effort and money that goes into the process? Are they not aware of the intensely personal home study and background checks that a prospective adoptive parents experiences? I was hurt. I was angry. I was extremely confused. And then I started to think about why someone might post things like that. Maybe she was tricked into placing her baby for adoption. Maybe the adoptive parents that she selected stopped communication despite what had been previously discussed. Maybe she was an adoptee who was not able to find her mother/father because of a shady adoption process.
It still bothers me that people say such nasty things about adoptive parents, but at least I have some ideas on why they might be jaded. I can only hope and pray that we get to a place where the best interest of the child is placed at the forefront. I hope that the men, women and children who have been negatively impacted by adoption find someone to show them a positive scenario.
Since we started the adoption process, I've visited Adoptive Families Circle to read questions and comments from adoptive parents and birth parents. Typically, everything on the website is very positive, encouraging and informational. One day, I started seeing some very negative posts from one "reader." She consistently put down adoptive parents and implied that we are manipulative, conniving, baby snatchers. I figured that it was a fluke and I happened to find the one person who had a negative experience with adoption. Then, I started pinning various adoption related things on Pinterest. Usually, I don't read the comments people leave on pins, but for some reason I read some of them. Again, I found people who were extremely negative toward adoptive parents.
I couldn't understand. Didn't they realize that I would have done almost anything to have a biological child? Have they not seen the amount of time, effort and money that goes into the process? Are they not aware of the intensely personal home study and background checks that a prospective adoptive parents experiences? I was hurt. I was angry. I was extremely confused. And then I started to think about why someone might post things like that. Maybe she was tricked into placing her baby for adoption. Maybe the adoptive parents that she selected stopped communication despite what had been previously discussed. Maybe she was an adoptee who was not able to find her mother/father because of a shady adoption process.
It still bothers me that people say such nasty things about adoptive parents, but at least I have some ideas on why they might be jaded. I can only hope and pray that we get to a place where the best interest of the child is placed at the forefront. I hope that the men, women and children who have been negatively impacted by adoption find someone to show them a positive scenario.
Saturday, July 27, 2013
Something To Ponder
How can I feel sad/angry/frustrated about losing something that was never mine to begin with?
Why do we develop such an attachment when we know nothing is guaranteed?
Friday, July 26, 2013
Why Can't I Just Be Angry?
I've tried to put my thoughts into words for the past few days. Each time I have started writing, something just hasn't felt right. If you are friends with me on Facebook, you'll know that we have encountered another roadblock in the process of taking care of Alex. On Monday, we received word that we had been approved to be foster parents. Only an hour later, we heard that a request was filed to keep Alex in the state of Arizona.
Within the first 24 hours, I went through a range of emotions. Now that I've had a few days to process everything, my biggest frustration comes from the sense of peace I feel. I realize how that sounds, but hear me out.
I desperately want to be angry, bitter, and resentful. I would love nothing more than to throw myself a giant pity party. The trouble is, every time I start to feel any of those emotions, I feel a sense of calm come over me. Obviously, this is something that only comes from the Lord. It's as though God is telling me that I don't need to experience negative feelings because He is taking care of things.
I reminded myself that five months ago, I experienced the same range of emotions. I had driven down to Tucson with the intent of bringing home a baby to care for. I did not plan to drive home with an empty car seat. I had no intention of being told that I'd have to go through the process of becoming a licensed foster parent. However, I can now look back and see why that all happened. If all of that crap had a good reason for happening, then surely this will be no different.
Don't get me wrong, I still have moments of frustration/anger/sadness. I'll see something that reminds me of the troubles we have experienced (like the horrible fire extinguishers we had to hang on our walls). Someone will ask how the process is going. CJ will mention "baby Alex." In those moments, I just stop and say a quick prayer. It may not always be immediate, but I always end up feeling calm. I pray that I can remain faithful in prayer when those tough moments come.
I will continue to be hopeful that there will come a day that we can bring Alex home. Our file will still be submitted to the courts, although we doubt a judge will have us care for him at this time. There may be an opportunity in the future as well. I suppose that we'll just wait and see what happens.
Within the first 24 hours, I went through a range of emotions. Now that I've had a few days to process everything, my biggest frustration comes from the sense of peace I feel. I realize how that sounds, but hear me out.
I desperately want to be angry, bitter, and resentful. I would love nothing more than to throw myself a giant pity party. The trouble is, every time I start to feel any of those emotions, I feel a sense of calm come over me. Obviously, this is something that only comes from the Lord. It's as though God is telling me that I don't need to experience negative feelings because He is taking care of things.
I reminded myself that five months ago, I experienced the same range of emotions. I had driven down to Tucson with the intent of bringing home a baby to care for. I did not plan to drive home with an empty car seat. I had no intention of being told that I'd have to go through the process of becoming a licensed foster parent. However, I can now look back and see why that all happened. If all of that crap had a good reason for happening, then surely this will be no different.
Don't get me wrong, I still have moments of frustration/anger/sadness. I'll see something that reminds me of the troubles we have experienced (like the horrible fire extinguishers we had to hang on our walls). Someone will ask how the process is going. CJ will mention "baby Alex." In those moments, I just stop and say a quick prayer. It may not always be immediate, but I always end up feeling calm. I pray that I can remain faithful in prayer when those tough moments come.
I will continue to be hopeful that there will come a day that we can bring Alex home. Our file will still be submitted to the courts, although we doubt a judge will have us care for him at this time. There may be an opportunity in the future as well. I suppose that we'll just wait and see what happens.
Sunday, July 14, 2013
The Adoptive Moms Club
The other day, I heard someone mention how she has "earned her stretch marks and any mom knows what she is talking about." Sadly, I don't know what she is talking about. While I may have some stretch marks in some places, I did not "earn" them in the same way. That isn't the first time I've heard someone say that phrase, or a variation of it. Each time I hear it, it causes me to stop and think.
Before we adopted CJ, I felt like there was this magical club for moms. The longer it took to expand our family, the more frustrated I got by women who were already part of this special group. I even received occasional reminders that I was not part of this club when I heard comments like "you wouldn't understand...," "you don't know love until you've had a child," and my favorite - "you should be grateful you haven't had to deal with..." It was never intentional, but it didn't hurt any less.
Once we adopted CJ, I assumed that I would be a part of this club and life would be different. In some ways, that was true. I was now able to talk to random moms at the park, because we automatically had something in common. In other ways, I was still reminded that my membership in this club was of a different level than biological moms. I don't have crazy pregnancy stories. I couldn't sympathize with the labor and delivery process. I can't talk about how much CJ looks like me or Matt.
Last night, I was reminded that I still have a special membership in the mom's club...as an adoptive mom. One of my dear friends was recently matched with a birthmom and is just days away from her dream coming true. I know the anxiety of waiting, realizing that I had no control of the situation. I understand the joy of receiving "the call." I remember the days leading up to CJ's birth and hoping that we'd make it to the hospital in time to see him arrive. I remember the seemingly opposing feelings of joy and sadness as I held my little man for this first time while watching Brooke cry at her loss.
While I love connecting with other moms, there is a special place in my heart for adoptive moms. I am so blessed to know a lot of women who are also adoptive moms. I so appreciate the bond that I have with each of them. It is comforting to know that other women in my life can really understand the questions, feelings and emotions that I experience when it comes to being an adoptive mom.
I am proud member of this special club...the adoptive moms club
Before we adopted CJ, I felt like there was this magical club for moms. The longer it took to expand our family, the more frustrated I got by women who were already part of this special group. I even received occasional reminders that I was not part of this club when I heard comments like "you wouldn't understand...," "you don't know love until you've had a child," and my favorite - "you should be grateful you haven't had to deal with..." It was never intentional, but it didn't hurt any less.
Once we adopted CJ, I assumed that I would be a part of this club and life would be different. In some ways, that was true. I was now able to talk to random moms at the park, because we automatically had something in common. In other ways, I was still reminded that my membership in this club was of a different level than biological moms. I don't have crazy pregnancy stories. I couldn't sympathize with the labor and delivery process. I can't talk about how much CJ looks like me or Matt.
Last night, I was reminded that I still have a special membership in the mom's club...as an adoptive mom. One of my dear friends was recently matched with a birthmom and is just days away from her dream coming true. I know the anxiety of waiting, realizing that I had no control of the situation. I understand the joy of receiving "the call." I remember the days leading up to CJ's birth and hoping that we'd make it to the hospital in time to see him arrive. I remember the seemingly opposing feelings of joy and sadness as I held my little man for this first time while watching Brooke cry at her loss.
While I love connecting with other moms, there is a special place in my heart for adoptive moms. I am so blessed to know a lot of women who are also adoptive moms. I so appreciate the bond that I have with each of them. It is comforting to know that other women in my life can really understand the questions, feelings and emotions that I experience when it comes to being an adoptive mom.
I am proud member of this special club...the adoptive moms club
Thursday, July 11, 2013
Crisis averted...times three
Today was our licensing visit. To say that I was a little anxious would be an understatement. Even though we've been through this before with CJ's adoption, the expectations were higher because we are being licensed through Clark County. I was paranoid that we may have missed something. The last thing I wanted was to have a reschedule this appointment because of a stupid mistake.
For the past few days, we've been cleaning, organizing, and double checking the safety requirements. Yesterday morning, Matt pointed out that our liquor cabinet sits in our living room. While it has a "childproof" lock on it, CJ has no problem getting in. Oops! I'm guessing that the Licensing Dept. would not look kindly on open access to wine, rum and whiskey. Thankfully, we managed to reorganize a bit and moved it all to a high shelf in our pantry. Crisis averted.
The licensing worker arrived and we sat down to begin the visit. After taking care of some paperwork, we started walking around the house. With just a few minor things to change as we walked around, I was feeling pretty good. Then, we got to the 1/2 bathroom downstairs. It is required that we have a "key" to open the door from the outside. We have no such key, and there are three bathrooms in the house. Luckily, she said that we could buy them and e-mail her pictures, and she would not need to return. Second crisis averted!
As we went upstairs, I assumed we would be in the clear. After all, we had installed our second fire extinguisher, purchased a fire ladder, and had all of the necessary baby items. We were doing well until we attempted to test one of the smoke detectors. Matt pushed the button, and...nothing but a very faint beep. Nooooo! That's ok, we'll just test another one. We heard the same faint beep. Ugh, not good! Our upstairs smoke detectors are interconnected, so when one has a problem, it affects them all. After fiddling with a few of them, Matt managed to get them working again. Third crisis averted!
The rest of the visit was smooth. Everything else that was supposed to be stored in a specific way, was done correctly. She reviewed the policies and procedures, and we signed off stating that we understand and agree to comply.
At this point, we do not have an estimate on the pick-up date. Our fingerprints from Arizona have not come back yet. Once our licensing worker receives the pictures of our bathroom "keys" and our fingerprints, she'll be able to submit our file to her supervisor for final approval. She told us she would complete everything she could in the next day or two, to ensure that everything moves quickly. I know that Arizona is pretty much ready to go, once our Nevada license is complete.
Thanks for the prayers! We'll keep you posted!
For the past few days, we've been cleaning, organizing, and double checking the safety requirements. Yesterday morning, Matt pointed out that our liquor cabinet sits in our living room. While it has a "childproof" lock on it, CJ has no problem getting in. Oops! I'm guessing that the Licensing Dept. would not look kindly on open access to wine, rum and whiskey. Thankfully, we managed to reorganize a bit and moved it all to a high shelf in our pantry. Crisis averted.
The licensing worker arrived and we sat down to begin the visit. After taking care of some paperwork, we started walking around the house. With just a few minor things to change as we walked around, I was feeling pretty good. Then, we got to the 1/2 bathroom downstairs. It is required that we have a "key" to open the door from the outside. We have no such key, and there are three bathrooms in the house. Luckily, she said that we could buy them and e-mail her pictures, and she would not need to return. Second crisis averted!
As we went upstairs, I assumed we would be in the clear. After all, we had installed our second fire extinguisher, purchased a fire ladder, and had all of the necessary baby items. We were doing well until we attempted to test one of the smoke detectors. Matt pushed the button, and...nothing but a very faint beep. Nooooo! That's ok, we'll just test another one. We heard the same faint beep. Ugh, not good! Our upstairs smoke detectors are interconnected, so when one has a problem, it affects them all. After fiddling with a few of them, Matt managed to get them working again. Third crisis averted!
The rest of the visit was smooth. Everything else that was supposed to be stored in a specific way, was done correctly. She reviewed the policies and procedures, and we signed off stating that we understand and agree to comply.
At this point, we do not have an estimate on the pick-up date. Our fingerprints from Arizona have not come back yet. Once our licensing worker receives the pictures of our bathroom "keys" and our fingerprints, she'll be able to submit our file to her supervisor for final approval. She told us she would complete everything she could in the next day or two, to ensure that everything moves quickly. I know that Arizona is pretty much ready to go, once our Nevada license is complete.
Thanks for the prayers! We'll keep you posted!
Thursday, July 4, 2013
So Close...
We have a home visit scheduled!! Next Thursday, July 11th, we'll have someone from the Licensing Department come over to ensure that we meet all of the specifications for foster homes. We've prepared almost everything that is required; we just have one more fire extinguisher to mount upstairs. Hopefully, it will just take another couple of weeks to get approval from the AZ courts to bring Alex home!
Saturday, June 15, 2013
Mommy Guilt
Definition - feeling like crap because of something that you may or may not have had control over, that involves your kids(s).
This morning, I had to take my little CJ to the ER because he smashed his face at the playground, knocking out his front tooth. He had been trying to climb a ladder with a cracker in his hand and slipped. Honestly, he was more upset about losing the cracker than losing the tooth. Even so, talk about a Mommy guilt moment! In the moment, I would like to think that I held it together. It is easier to hold it together when you have an audience observing the chaos. As soon as we got home from the ER and I had a chance to process everything, I lost it.
Let me begin by saying that I've had Mommy guilt in the past. Working full-time stirred up plenty of guilty feelings (even though I know that was the best option for our family). The moments when I lose it and yell at CJ also open the flood gates of guilt. I'm sure I have a lot more examples. While I've experienced it before, nothing prepared me for the guilt that I felt today.
Once we knew that CJ was fine, my brain automatically turned against me and started the "what if" game. What if I had made him sit down while he finished his snack? What if I was on the equipment with him (implying that I could have prevented the fall)? What if we didn't go to the park today? And the list goes on.
What I wasn't thinking about were the other "what ifs." What if he had bit through his lip? What if he had gotten a concussion? What if I had walked to the park, instead of driving? Ahhh, that makes me feel a little better. This could definitely have been a much worse scenario.
Why is it so easy for us, as moms (and probably dads too), to blame ourselves when things happen to our children? I wish I had an answer. The best I can say is that we love them and don't want to see them suffer. I have worked all day to stop thinking about it, which is a little difficult because my son's smile is a constant reminder (see below).
Not even a knocked-out tooth could bring this guy down!
My answer? I prayed. I finally came to the realization that I cannot fix what happened, and that I probably could not have prevented it. With no other options left, I asked God to remove my guilt and allow me to be thankful that it was not worse. While I still feel bad that he had to experience such a bad fall, I do feel a lot more peace about everything. I just wish that I had gone to God first, instead of trying to rely on myself. That sentence could be the beginning a whole other blog post!
This morning, I had to take my little CJ to the ER because he smashed his face at the playground, knocking out his front tooth. He had been trying to climb a ladder with a cracker in his hand and slipped. Honestly, he was more upset about losing the cracker than losing the tooth. Even so, talk about a Mommy guilt moment! In the moment, I would like to think that I held it together. It is easier to hold it together when you have an audience observing the chaos. As soon as we got home from the ER and I had a chance to process everything, I lost it.
Let me begin by saying that I've had Mommy guilt in the past. Working full-time stirred up plenty of guilty feelings (even though I know that was the best option for our family). The moments when I lose it and yell at CJ also open the flood gates of guilt. I'm sure I have a lot more examples. While I've experienced it before, nothing prepared me for the guilt that I felt today.
Once we knew that CJ was fine, my brain automatically turned against me and started the "what if" game. What if I had made him sit down while he finished his snack? What if I was on the equipment with him (implying that I could have prevented the fall)? What if we didn't go to the park today? And the list goes on.
What I wasn't thinking about were the other "what ifs." What if he had bit through his lip? What if he had gotten a concussion? What if I had walked to the park, instead of driving? Ahhh, that makes me feel a little better. This could definitely have been a much worse scenario.
Why is it so easy for us, as moms (and probably dads too), to blame ourselves when things happen to our children? I wish I had an answer. The best I can say is that we love them and don't want to see them suffer. I have worked all day to stop thinking about it, which is a little difficult because my son's smile is a constant reminder (see below).
Not even a knocked-out tooth could bring this guy down!
My answer? I prayed. I finally came to the realization that I cannot fix what happened, and that I probably could not have prevented it. With no other options left, I asked God to remove my guilt and allow me to be thankful that it was not worse. While I still feel bad that he had to experience such a bad fall, I do feel a lot more peace about everything. I just wish that I had gone to God first, instead of trying to rely on myself. That sentence could be the beginning a whole other blog post!
Wednesday, June 12, 2013
Fear of the Unknown
As I look at what the future holds for our family, I find myself a little scared. We've been in this holding pattern for the past three months. Now that the end of the initial process is near, I'm realizing just how comfortable I am where things are. That's not to say that I don't want to bring Alex home. It's just saying that talking about it is one thing, and doing it is another thing. Reality can be scary!
While I am having a hard time defining exactly what I'm thinking and feeling, a few of my fears are:
* Transitioning Alex from Ana's family to our family
* CJ's response to the upcoming changes
* Our feelings toward Alex
* Following the many rules and regulations related to fostering a child
* Preparing ourselves if/when we need to return Alex to Tucson
I had the same feelings when we were in the adoption process. When you work for something for so long, I think it's only natural to experience a little anxiety when you get close to the end. Ultimately, it's just a fear of the unknown, and we have a lot of unknowns in our future right now.
The best I can do is just trust that God has His hand firmly on our family, and will guide us throughout the next year. Your prayers and support definitely help as well.
To give a quick update, we went in for our second set of fingerprints for the licensing department. We're waiting for them to call us to set up the walk-through of our house. Once that is complete, they'll submit our paperwork to Arizona and we'll just wait to be told when we can head down to Tucson. Yesterday, we got some paperwork from the State of Arizona to complete, so I know things are moving forward there.
While I am having a hard time defining exactly what I'm thinking and feeling, a few of my fears are:
* Transitioning Alex from Ana's family to our family
* CJ's response to the upcoming changes
* Our feelings toward Alex
* Following the many rules and regulations related to fostering a child
* Preparing ourselves if/when we need to return Alex to Tucson
I had the same feelings when we were in the adoption process. When you work for something for so long, I think it's only natural to experience a little anxiety when you get close to the end. Ultimately, it's just a fear of the unknown, and we have a lot of unknowns in our future right now.
The best I can do is just trust that God has His hand firmly on our family, and will guide us throughout the next year. Your prayers and support definitely help as well.
To give a quick update, we went in for our second set of fingerprints for the licensing department. We're waiting for them to call us to set up the walk-through of our house. Once that is complete, they'll submit our paperwork to Arizona and we'll just wait to be told when we can head down to Tucson. Yesterday, we got some paperwork from the State of Arizona to complete, so I know things are moving forward there.
Monday, June 3, 2013
One Step Closer!!
We are now one step closer to bringing Alex home! On Friday night, we attended our final kinship foster training class. I wish I could say that we ended the class with positive attitudes, but that just wouldn't be true. In fact, I think my blood pressure actually went up during this final session. It was as if the people in our class realized that this was their last chance to share facts about their lives, so they wanted to purge everything. The instructors actually wanted to let us out early, but they could not control the random stories, thoughts and complaints that our classmates had to share. We ended up leaving just 10 minutes early.
The last three weeks, we've talked about discipline, boundaries and the logistics of foster care. I've found little tidbits of helpful info each week, but in general much of what was discussed was also shred in our adoption class. I actually appreciated this last session. I took the class in hopes of learning the rules and regulations, timeline, and logistics of being a foster parent. Well, in all reality I took the class because I had to, but I had decided to use the experience to better understand what we were committing to. This last class finally clarified several questions that we had going into the process.
I have been surprised by some of the differences between foster care and adoption. In the end, I'm glad we had to take the class because I did learn a lot about the requirements needed to be a foster family. I just hope we can remember all those details when we're in the middle of trying to parent two children.
The last three weeks, we've talked about discipline, boundaries and the logistics of foster care. I've found little tidbits of helpful info each week, but in general much of what was discussed was also shred in our adoption class. I actually appreciated this last session. I took the class in hopes of learning the rules and regulations, timeline, and logistics of being a foster parent. Well, in all reality I took the class because I had to, but I had decided to use the experience to better understand what we were committing to. This last class finally clarified several questions that we had going into the process.
I have been surprised by some of the differences between foster care and adoption. In the end, I'm glad we had to take the class because I did learn a lot about the requirements needed to be a foster family. I just hope we can remember all those details when we're in the middle of trying to parent two children.
Monday, May 13, 2013
Class or a Counseling Session?
I am really struggling with our kinship foster training classes. After the first class, my attitude wasn't great, but I had high hopes that future classes would be interesting and full of important information. While the information is important, it is also a repeat of what we learned in our infant adoption class. After our second class, this past week, my hopes are pretty much gone.
When you gather any group of 30 people together, you are bound to get a variety of experiences, issues, questions and problems. When those people are all dealing with a very confusing system, irresponsible family members, and a child (or children) they were not prepared to care for, the craziness grows exponentially.
This past Friday, our class spiraled out of control as several people took the opportunity to share (or complain) about what they were dealing with. At first, it appeared that they were just asking questions about the process, but after a few minutes, it became clear that they were looking for a place to vent. Those few minutes turned into a 20 minute discussion. I can sympathize with the confusion surrounding foster care. The problem is that each of our situations is unique, so it is hard to remain engaged in the class when the conversation is irrelevant to me. While we have had a relatively easy process, many of the people in our class are jaded by "the system" and that is apparent as soon as they speak.
Matt and I have been blessed with an incredible support system. I have to remember that not everyone has that. While I may find all of this frustrating, I want to be supportive of the men and women in my class. I have started praying for each of them:
-That they would experience peace in their decision to foster a family member's child.
-That they find answers to their many questions.
-That they locate resources necessary to help them through the process.
I also have a few prayers for myself:
-That I would remain positive about the class; looking for new information in each session.
-That I have patience with those taking the class.
-That I offer support to the people that may not have any outside of the class.
I am in a bible study right now, and as I did my homework today, I was directed to Romans 8:28 - "And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to His purpose." I look forward to seeing the good that God brings through this experience!
When you gather any group of 30 people together, you are bound to get a variety of experiences, issues, questions and problems. When those people are all dealing with a very confusing system, irresponsible family members, and a child (or children) they were not prepared to care for, the craziness grows exponentially.
This past Friday, our class spiraled out of control as several people took the opportunity to share (or complain) about what they were dealing with. At first, it appeared that they were just asking questions about the process, but after a few minutes, it became clear that they were looking for a place to vent. Those few minutes turned into a 20 minute discussion. I can sympathize with the confusion surrounding foster care. The problem is that each of our situations is unique, so it is hard to remain engaged in the class when the conversation is irrelevant to me. While we have had a relatively easy process, many of the people in our class are jaded by "the system" and that is apparent as soon as they speak.
Matt and I have been blessed with an incredible support system. I have to remember that not everyone has that. While I may find all of this frustrating, I want to be supportive of the men and women in my class. I have started praying for each of them:
-That they would experience peace in their decision to foster a family member's child.
-That they find answers to their many questions.
-That they locate resources necessary to help them through the process.
I also have a few prayers for myself:
-That I would remain positive about the class; looking for new information in each session.
-That I have patience with those taking the class.
-That I offer support to the people that may not have any outside of the class.
I am in a bible study right now, and as I did my homework today, I was directed to Romans 8:28 - "And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to His purpose." I look forward to seeing the good that God brings through this experience!
Monday, May 6, 2013
Centipedes, Regulations and 17 Amazing Stories
We began our Kinship Foster Training Class this past Friday night. I'll be honest, my attitude has been less than great about attending this class. I can think of a few other ways that I'd rather spend a Friday. However, this is required to bring little Alex home, so I will do what it takes.
Class began with a centipede...yes, a centipede...crawling across my foot. I'm shocked that I didn't freak out. Actually, it was Matt that got a little jumpy. It wasn't until after he killed it that he told me that they can be poisonous. I'm not exaggerating when I say that it was about 3 inches long. Gross! For the remainder of our class time, I was constantly looking down at my feet or trying to find sitting positions that kept my feet in the air.
As we reviewed the class schedule, I quickly realized that much of the information was going to repeat our Infant Adoption Class. Cue the bad attitude again! My goal for the next five weeks is to find something new in every class to make me a better foster parent (and better parent in general). Here are a few nuggets that I gained Friday night...
- Rules and Regulations - this was actually what I wanted from the class, and there are a lot of them! The best info was about the licensing visit, specifically what was going to be required. We learned that we did not purchase the correct fire extinguishers, so I'll have to get new ones. We also learned that we'll have to get a landline phone. We have not had a landline since 2006, but as I've said before, we'll do what we need to do. We also have to buy a fire ladder. While there are many rules and regulations to learn, it is clear that they are all designed to protect the children living in the foster system.
- Resources - there are a crazy number of resources available to foster parents in Clark County. As we reviewed them, I was excited to know that we'd have a lot of support until the court hearing to determine Alex's final placement. Everything from diapers/formula to counseling to summer camps.
- Humbling Stories - We've tried to keep a positive attitude about our entire situation with Alex. Friday night showed us that we have absolutely nothing to complain about. I was in awe as I listened to everyone's stores. The grandmother who took her 7 granddaughters, the 22 year old guy who is taking care of his 1 1/2 year old brother, the couple who now have two nieces and a nephew in addition to three biological children, and the list goes on. It was humbling to hear what some of the people were willing to do. Many of them had little notice that they were being placed. Most of them have to deal with the parents of these children.
I look forward to learning many more things over the month of May. I'm just praying that no more creepy crawlers find their way onto my feet.
Class began with a centipede...yes, a centipede...crawling across my foot. I'm shocked that I didn't freak out. Actually, it was Matt that got a little jumpy. It wasn't until after he killed it that he told me that they can be poisonous. I'm not exaggerating when I say that it was about 3 inches long. Gross! For the remainder of our class time, I was constantly looking down at my feet or trying to find sitting positions that kept my feet in the air.
As we reviewed the class schedule, I quickly realized that much of the information was going to repeat our Infant Adoption Class. Cue the bad attitude again! My goal for the next five weeks is to find something new in every class to make me a better foster parent (and better parent in general). Here are a few nuggets that I gained Friday night...
- Rules and Regulations - this was actually what I wanted from the class, and there are a lot of them! The best info was about the licensing visit, specifically what was going to be required. We learned that we did not purchase the correct fire extinguishers, so I'll have to get new ones. We also learned that we'll have to get a landline phone. We have not had a landline since 2006, but as I've said before, we'll do what we need to do. We also have to buy a fire ladder. While there are many rules and regulations to learn, it is clear that they are all designed to protect the children living in the foster system.
- Resources - there are a crazy number of resources available to foster parents in Clark County. As we reviewed them, I was excited to know that we'd have a lot of support until the court hearing to determine Alex's final placement. Everything from diapers/formula to counseling to summer camps.
- Humbling Stories - We've tried to keep a positive attitude about our entire situation with Alex. Friday night showed us that we have absolutely nothing to complain about. I was in awe as I listened to everyone's stores. The grandmother who took her 7 granddaughters, the 22 year old guy who is taking care of his 1 1/2 year old brother, the couple who now have two nieces and a nephew in addition to three biological children, and the list goes on. It was humbling to hear what some of the people were willing to do. Many of them had little notice that they were being placed. Most of them have to deal with the parents of these children.
I look forward to learning many more things over the month of May. I'm just praying that no more creepy crawlers find their way onto my feet.
Friday, May 3, 2013
Selfish or Healthy?
In classic "me" fashion, I am trying to solve a problem that is not actually a problem yet. I feel like I have an answer, but maybe getting it all out will help.
In late June, we are celebrating our 10th anniversary. We've been talking about this anniversary for a few years now, and had planned a weeklong trip to a beach resort in Cancun. As things picked up with Alex, we realized that a weeklong trip may not be the best idea, especially given that we had no idea how things would go. We agreed to pare it down to a long weekend near Temecula. As we started planning, I was so excited - wine tasting, a morning at the spa, actually being able to sleep in...you get the idea.
Based on what our case manager has shared with me, we should be licensed in mid-June. Our guess is that we'd be able to pick him up shortly thereafter. I suppose I should emphasize the word "guess" in that last sentence. Everything is dependent on the communication between Nevada and Arizona.
Our dilemma is: what happens if we are able to pick him up before our trip? Do we delay pick-up so that we can go on our vacation alone, or do we pick him up as soon as possible and take him along? Being a foster child, we don't think that we would be able to leave him with anyone else. Besides, I'm not going to want to let that little man out of my sight once we bring him home! At the same time, Matt and I really need a chance to go on a trip by ourselves. To be better parents, we need a few moments to relax and renew our energy. I don't think delaying pick-up by a week or so would be the end of the world, especially given that he is living with an amazing family right now.
Now, there is always the chance that we aren't able to pick him up until July anyway, but as you probably already know, I like to overthink life. My philosophy has been to look at the different possible outcomes of a situation so that I don't feel shocked when it actually happens - hoping that one of my guesses is correct.
Ultimately, we'll just figure it out as it comes. Either way, we'll get a weekend in Southern California. :)
In late June, we are celebrating our 10th anniversary. We've been talking about this anniversary for a few years now, and had planned a weeklong trip to a beach resort in Cancun. As things picked up with Alex, we realized that a weeklong trip may not be the best idea, especially given that we had no idea how things would go. We agreed to pare it down to a long weekend near Temecula. As we started planning, I was so excited - wine tasting, a morning at the spa, actually being able to sleep in...you get the idea.
Based on what our case manager has shared with me, we should be licensed in mid-June. Our guess is that we'd be able to pick him up shortly thereafter. I suppose I should emphasize the word "guess" in that last sentence. Everything is dependent on the communication between Nevada and Arizona.
Our dilemma is: what happens if we are able to pick him up before our trip? Do we delay pick-up so that we can go on our vacation alone, or do we pick him up as soon as possible and take him along? Being a foster child, we don't think that we would be able to leave him with anyone else. Besides, I'm not going to want to let that little man out of my sight once we bring him home! At the same time, Matt and I really need a chance to go on a trip by ourselves. To be better parents, we need a few moments to relax and renew our energy. I don't think delaying pick-up by a week or so would be the end of the world, especially given that he is living with an amazing family right now.
Now, there is always the chance that we aren't able to pick him up until July anyway, but as you probably already know, I like to overthink life. My philosophy has been to look at the different possible outcomes of a situation so that I don't feel shocked when it actually happens - hoping that one of my guesses is correct.
Ultimately, we'll just figure it out as it comes. Either way, we'll get a weekend in Southern California. :)
Friday, April 26, 2013
Progress!
It's been awhile since I last posted an update, and I can't believe how much I have to share with you.
After submitting our application, we were contacted almost immediately by the ICPC Case Manager. Within the week, we already had an appointment to go get our fingerprints done through the Department of Family Services. Aside from our prints, we had to sign up for a Kinship Foster Care Training Class. When I called, I was told that we would be placed on the waiting list because there were no openings. What a bummer! Being the Type A person I am, I freaked out that we might now meet the deadline of May 27th. Our Case Manager assured me that we would be fine. If our class went longer than the deadline, they would grant us a license contingent on completion of the class. About a week later, they opened up spaces and we signed up. We'll have class every Friday in the month of May, finishing on May 31st!
This past weekend, we went to Phoenix to celebrate Matt's dad's 60th birthday. I contacted a social worker in Tucson to see if there was any chance to visit with Alex. She got me in contact with his foster mom, and we met them on Sunday. It was great to see him, especially for Matt and CJ who had not met him before. He is a sweet little baby! He looks so much healthier than when I last saw him. He has put on almost 4 pounds! His foster mom is amazing. She is clearly taking very good care of him. He is her 18th placement. Talk about commitment!
Matt and CJ, with sweet little Alex.
This morning, we met with our Case Manager for our first home visit. It was a relatively short visit because she has a copy of our Arizona home study which provides a lot of the information she would need. We'll have one more visit after this - a safety walk-through of our house - which will be scheduled as soon as we finish our class. After that, we'll wait to hear from Arizona about picking Alex up! My guess is the 2nd or 3rd week of June.
We look forward to starting our classes on May 3rd, and will keep you posted on all of our progress.
After submitting our application, we were contacted almost immediately by the ICPC Case Manager. Within the week, we already had an appointment to go get our fingerprints done through the Department of Family Services. Aside from our prints, we had to sign up for a Kinship Foster Care Training Class. When I called, I was told that we would be placed on the waiting list because there were no openings. What a bummer! Being the Type A person I am, I freaked out that we might now meet the deadline of May 27th. Our Case Manager assured me that we would be fine. If our class went longer than the deadline, they would grant us a license contingent on completion of the class. About a week later, they opened up spaces and we signed up. We'll have class every Friday in the month of May, finishing on May 31st!
This past weekend, we went to Phoenix to celebrate Matt's dad's 60th birthday. I contacted a social worker in Tucson to see if there was any chance to visit with Alex. She got me in contact with his foster mom, and we met them on Sunday. It was great to see him, especially for Matt and CJ who had not met him before. He is a sweet little baby! He looks so much healthier than when I last saw him. He has put on almost 4 pounds! His foster mom is amazing. She is clearly taking very good care of him. He is her 18th placement. Talk about commitment!
Matt and CJ, with sweet little Alex.
This morning, we met with our Case Manager for our first home visit. It was a relatively short visit because she has a copy of our Arizona home study which provides a lot of the information she would need. We'll have one more visit after this - a safety walk-through of our house - which will be scheduled as soon as we finish our class. After that, we'll wait to hear from Arizona about picking Alex up! My guess is the 2nd or 3rd week of June.
We look forward to starting our classes on May 3rd, and will keep you posted on all of our progress.
Wednesday, April 10, 2013
Starting From Scratch
If you read my last post, you'll know that there was a chance that we'd have to start over on our home study. In an attempt to remain positive, I kept telling myself there was no way that they would ask us to start over again after we just gotten things moving. I spoke with our case worker from the ICPC office and sure enough, we are starting from scratch.
For whatever reason, the Clark County ICPC office needs to complete the home study, as opposed to allowing our agency to simply share their report. Unfortunately, this means that all of our work over the past five weeks is for nothing. Even our fingerprinting will have to be done again.
It would be very easy to get angry and throw myself a pity party. Actually, I really wanted to do that. In my head, I have a hundred reasons to say "poor me." Some may even agree that I have just cause to respond based on my emotions. What I have to remember is anger and self-pity will not change our circumstances. Throwing a fit or allowing myself to fall into a depression will not get our home study done. We have decided to just move forward and do what is necessary to bring Alex home. From the beginning, we've told people that we would do anything to bring him into our family. Well, this is our chance to prove that. Don't get me wrong; I am frustrated by how things have gone. I have just resolved to handle it differently than I've handled some things in the past.
I firmly believe that God is at work in this. While that may sound cheesy or cliche, I really hope you can hear (or read) the sincerity behind it. One day, I hope to look back and recognize exactly why things happened this way. We had frustrations in our journey to adopt CJ, and now we understand why certain things happened. Had we moved any faster or slower, we may not have been matched with Brooke. In the grand scheme of things, an extra couple of weeks is just a small blip in our life story.
One silver lining is the cost. If this turns into an adoption, there will be very little cost to us. While we would pay almost anything to make this happen, it is awesome to think that we can use those funds to benefit our family in other ways.
This morning, I submitted our application to be a foster family. We're waiting to get an appointment for our fingerprinting (most likely this weekend). We'll need to take a training course and have them come to our house for a visit. Unfortunately, the class is full right now, so we're on the waiting list. Being that our case is a little unique, I'm hopeful that they will find a way to get us in. We have to complete this process in 60 days.
Your continued prayers are appreciated!
For whatever reason, the Clark County ICPC office needs to complete the home study, as opposed to allowing our agency to simply share their report. Unfortunately, this means that all of our work over the past five weeks is for nothing. Even our fingerprinting will have to be done again.
It would be very easy to get angry and throw myself a pity party. Actually, I really wanted to do that. In my head, I have a hundred reasons to say "poor me." Some may even agree that I have just cause to respond based on my emotions. What I have to remember is anger and self-pity will not change our circumstances. Throwing a fit or allowing myself to fall into a depression will not get our home study done. We have decided to just move forward and do what is necessary to bring Alex home. From the beginning, we've told people that we would do anything to bring him into our family. Well, this is our chance to prove that. Don't get me wrong; I am frustrated by how things have gone. I have just resolved to handle it differently than I've handled some things in the past.
I firmly believe that God is at work in this. While that may sound cheesy or cliche, I really hope you can hear (or read) the sincerity behind it. One day, I hope to look back and recognize exactly why things happened this way. We had frustrations in our journey to adopt CJ, and now we understand why certain things happened. Had we moved any faster or slower, we may not have been matched with Brooke. In the grand scheme of things, an extra couple of weeks is just a small blip in our life story.
One silver lining is the cost. If this turns into an adoption, there will be very little cost to us. While we would pay almost anything to make this happen, it is awesome to think that we can use those funds to benefit our family in other ways.
This morning, I submitted our application to be a foster family. We're waiting to get an appointment for our fingerprinting (most likely this weekend). We'll need to take a training course and have them come to our house for a visit. Unfortunately, the class is full right now, so we're on the waiting list. Being that our case is a little unique, I'm hopeful that they will find a way to get us in. We have to complete this process in 60 days.
Your continued prayers are appreciated!
Thursday, April 4, 2013
Can't We Catch A Break??
Maybe it's because Alex has already arrived, or maybe I'm just not a patient person, but I am starting to feel like roadblocks keep popping up. It's really hard to know that he is cuddling up in a foster parent's arms, when I feel like he should be in mine. I understand that there are steps and policies that need to be followed, but it does not make it any less frustrating.
Last week, we had quite a bit of activity. A social worker from Tucson called me to get working on the ICPC (Interstate Compact on the Placement of Children) paperwork. We got a few updates on the situation, although there are still a lot of unknowns. A few days after that, our agency sent us a packet of questionnaires that needed to be completed. I'm not sure how we didn't get to this sooner, but it is what it is. In total, there are about 60 questions ranging from our childhood to our marriage to our parenting. They are very similar to the questions we answered during CJ's adoption process. I don't mind answering all of these questions, but we can't schedule any meetings until we submit them. Ugh!
Monday, we received a package from the Clark County ICPC office. We were excited because it was a lot faster than we had expected. When I opened it up, it was a home study packet for their office. As I read through, it was asking us to complete two more packets of information and to schedule our home study appointments and fingerprinting. Odd...we already did fingerprints through the agency, and we are in the middle of the home study process. Thoroughly confused, I called the case worker that was listed in the packet. It turns out, we may need to get our home study done through Clark County. Not the news I was hoping for - we just submitted our payment to the agency two weeks ago. When I explained the situation, the case worker said she would see what could be done. I would hate to think we've wasted that much time and money. We're now waiting to hear back from her. We'd appreciate your prayers that they will accept the home study from our agency.
One thing is for sure, we are a one-of-a-kind situation. There is literally nothing normal about this process. I realize that each adoption is unique, but this is ridiculous. I just have to keep reminding myself that every step we take, and every payment we make, will be well worth it in the end. I truly believe that God is at work in us right now, and that these steps are in place for a reason. I just pray that I can keep a positive attitude about it.
Last week, we had quite a bit of activity. A social worker from Tucson called me to get working on the ICPC (Interstate Compact on the Placement of Children) paperwork. We got a few updates on the situation, although there are still a lot of unknowns. A few days after that, our agency sent us a packet of questionnaires that needed to be completed. I'm not sure how we didn't get to this sooner, but it is what it is. In total, there are about 60 questions ranging from our childhood to our marriage to our parenting. They are very similar to the questions we answered during CJ's adoption process. I don't mind answering all of these questions, but we can't schedule any meetings until we submit them. Ugh!
Monday, we received a package from the Clark County ICPC office. We were excited because it was a lot faster than we had expected. When I opened it up, it was a home study packet for their office. As I read through, it was asking us to complete two more packets of information and to schedule our home study appointments and fingerprinting. Odd...we already did fingerprints through the agency, and we are in the middle of the home study process. Thoroughly confused, I called the case worker that was listed in the packet. It turns out, we may need to get our home study done through Clark County. Not the news I was hoping for - we just submitted our payment to the agency two weeks ago. When I explained the situation, the case worker said she would see what could be done. I would hate to think we've wasted that much time and money. We're now waiting to hear back from her. We'd appreciate your prayers that they will accept the home study from our agency.
One thing is for sure, we are a one-of-a-kind situation. There is literally nothing normal about this process. I realize that each adoption is unique, but this is ridiculous. I just have to keep reminding myself that every step we take, and every payment we make, will be well worth it in the end. I truly believe that God is at work in us right now, and that these steps are in place for a reason. I just pray that I can keep a positive attitude about it.
Friday, March 15, 2013
Hurry Up and Wait!
Anyone who has been through, or currently going through, the adoption process knows the concept of "hurry up and wait." It seems like every step of the way, we rush to get things done, only to wait for results. Right now, we are working on our home study so that we can take temporary custody of baby Alex. Thankfully, the agency we are working with will work on expediting the process for us, since little Alex already made his appearance. We've been so rushed to figure things out, that I now feel like I'm not even sure what is next.
Here are the tasks we've been given so far:
1. Fingerprinting - we got this done last Friday (two days after they asked us to get them done). We were pretty excited that NV uses livescan instead of ink & paper). Unfortunately, it can take up to 8 weeks to get the results back. We're hoping that they come back in the shorter end of the spectrum (3-4 weeks).
2. Reference forms - ok, so we didn't get these, but the five fabulous people who offered to be references received them. We picked some good people; most of them have already started working on the answers!
3. Doctors appointments and blood work - we didn't have to have any blood testing done with CJ's adoption, but our current agency does require it. Amazingly enough, I was already able to see a doctor and get the necessary testing done. Matt's appointment is coming up. I was really glad that CJ did not require an appointment or blood work. I just had to submit a form to his pediatrician, who already finished it!
The agency is taking care of all of the background details and waiting for our background checks to come back. We're hopeful that we can begin scheduling in-person interviews next week. If our estimate is correct, we should be able to finish our home study by mid-April.
I have to remind myself that the waiting process can be just as useful as the moments when we are busy. I need to take this time to appreciate the last weeks of having just one child. I can be reading more books. I can try to squeeze in a date or two with Matt, because I doubt many date nights will happen when Alex comes to stay. I get so caught up in the business of life, that I forget to just sit back and appreciate what the Lord has given me. I'm very blessed, and I don't take enough time to simply enjoy life.
Thanks for the continued prayers! We'll keep you posted!
Here are the tasks we've been given so far:
1. Fingerprinting - we got this done last Friday (two days after they asked us to get them done). We were pretty excited that NV uses livescan instead of ink & paper). Unfortunately, it can take up to 8 weeks to get the results back. We're hoping that they come back in the shorter end of the spectrum (3-4 weeks).
2. Reference forms - ok, so we didn't get these, but the five fabulous people who offered to be references received them. We picked some good people; most of them have already started working on the answers!
3. Doctors appointments and blood work - we didn't have to have any blood testing done with CJ's adoption, but our current agency does require it. Amazingly enough, I was already able to see a doctor and get the necessary testing done. Matt's appointment is coming up. I was really glad that CJ did not require an appointment or blood work. I just had to submit a form to his pediatrician, who already finished it!
The agency is taking care of all of the background details and waiting for our background checks to come back. We're hopeful that we can begin scheduling in-person interviews next week. If our estimate is correct, we should be able to finish our home study by mid-April.
I have to remind myself that the waiting process can be just as useful as the moments when we are busy. I need to take this time to appreciate the last weeks of having just one child. I can be reading more books. I can try to squeeze in a date or two with Matt, because I doubt many date nights will happen when Alex comes to stay. I get so caught up in the business of life, that I forget to just sit back and appreciate what the Lord has given me. I'm very blessed, and I don't take enough time to simply enjoy life.
Thanks for the continued prayers! We'll keep you posted!
Thursday, March 7, 2013
An update...
I have tried so many times to write this post. My first version was outdated when Brooke delivered the baby two weeks earlier than expected. Then, I attempted to update things and just couldn't keep up with the constant changes with the situation. Finally, I just wasn't in the mood to write anything. Now that I'm back to "normal" life, I want to give you an idea of what has been going on in our lives.
In mid-January, we met with Brooke. We were visiting Matt's family, and thought we'd visit her too. It was great catching up, especially hearing about how her pregnancy was going. During our conversation, she shared that she was expecting some hard times ahead, and wondered if we would consider taking temporary custody of the baby until she could get some things in order. We were floored, but wanted to support her as much as possible. We were so grateful that she considered us to help her, but also terrified at the same time.
Baby Alex was due March 14th, so we had a lot of time to get things in order. We consulted with an adoption agency and an attorney to find out how to handle a temporary custody. We prepared things at home as well. CJ was moved into a big boy bed. It was time anyway, and this seemed like a great reason to move him out of the crib. After a few nights of falling out or refusing to stay in bed, I think we've gotten him used to it.
On February 25th, Brooke called me to check in about our plans for the baby's arrival. She felt that the baby was going to come early, and wanted to make sure that we'd be prepared to head down. I told her we'd be ready. I did not realize that we'd hear from her as soon as we did. Two hours later, she called to let me know she was headed to the hospital. I packed (aka - ran around my house frantically trying to find everything I needed for a few days). I was on the road an hour later.
This little guy was ready to come out; she delivered two hours later. I guess I didn't need to rush down anymore. I got into Tucson around midnight and spent that night in Brooke's room. Over the next few days, I spent a lot time hanging out with Brooke and Alex, and waiting to hear how things were going to work with discharge.
I don't know if I was just too tired, or experiencing too many emotions about trying to things in order, but I finally had a breakdown on Thursday. I was overwhelmed and alone, not a great combination. I called Matt in tears, just trying to get my thoughts in order. That afternoon, he booked a flight for him and CJ, and they joined me in Tucson about 10 hours later. While it wasn't planned, we tried to make it fun for CJ. The people at the Ronald McDonald House were so great about keeping him occupied (see my last post about how wonderful they are).
Well, things did not go exactly how we had planned. Without getting into too much detail, it was determined that the baby would need to be placed in foster care until we were able to get some paperwork in order. We were disappointed, but understood. We got home one week later, and will begin the home study process here in Nevada. We'll continue to update the blog to let you know where things are, and when we are finally able to bring Alex to our house.
I'll continue to share how the process is working for us.
In mid-January, we met with Brooke. We were visiting Matt's family, and thought we'd visit her too. It was great catching up, especially hearing about how her pregnancy was going. During our conversation, she shared that she was expecting some hard times ahead, and wondered if we would consider taking temporary custody of the baby until she could get some things in order. We were floored, but wanted to support her as much as possible. We were so grateful that she considered us to help her, but also terrified at the same time.
Baby Alex was due March 14th, so we had a lot of time to get things in order. We consulted with an adoption agency and an attorney to find out how to handle a temporary custody. We prepared things at home as well. CJ was moved into a big boy bed. It was time anyway, and this seemed like a great reason to move him out of the crib. After a few nights of falling out or refusing to stay in bed, I think we've gotten him used to it.
On February 25th, Brooke called me to check in about our plans for the baby's arrival. She felt that the baby was going to come early, and wanted to make sure that we'd be prepared to head down. I told her we'd be ready. I did not realize that we'd hear from her as soon as we did. Two hours later, she called to let me know she was headed to the hospital. I packed (aka - ran around my house frantically trying to find everything I needed for a few days). I was on the road an hour later.
This little guy was ready to come out; she delivered two hours later. I guess I didn't need to rush down anymore. I got into Tucson around midnight and spent that night in Brooke's room. Over the next few days, I spent a lot time hanging out with Brooke and Alex, and waiting to hear how things were going to work with discharge.
I don't know if I was just too tired, or experiencing too many emotions about trying to things in order, but I finally had a breakdown on Thursday. I was overwhelmed and alone, not a great combination. I called Matt in tears, just trying to get my thoughts in order. That afternoon, he booked a flight for him and CJ, and they joined me in Tucson about 10 hours later. While it wasn't planned, we tried to make it fun for CJ. The people at the Ronald McDonald House were so great about keeping him occupied (see my last post about how wonderful they are).
Well, things did not go exactly how we had planned. Without getting into too much detail, it was determined that the baby would need to be placed in foster care until we were able to get some paperwork in order. We were disappointed, but understood. We got home one week later, and will begin the home study process here in Nevada. We'll continue to update the blog to let you know where things are, and when we are finally able to bring Alex to our house.
I'll continue to share how the process is working for us.
Friday, March 1, 2013
RMH Rocks!
*I will post a blog explaining why we're at Ronald McDonald House, but for now, I just want to share what a blessing they are!
I need to give a major shout out to the Ronald McDonald House in Tucson. I've heard stories from families who have stayed at a RMH, and it has always been very positive. Now that I'm one of those families, I just wanted to share what a blessing they have been to us over the past few days.
When the social worker at the hospital mentioned RMH, I didn't think I would qualify because we don't technically have a child in the hospital. She told me that she has set up adoptive families with them when there has been room. Our situation was a little different, but she thought we'd still be eligible. She sent the referral over, and they accepted me (Matt and CJ weren't here yet). I headed over to sign the necessary paperwork and take a tour of the facility.
I literally choked up as she walked me throughout the building, sharing the different amenities offered to families. If you've not been involved with RMH, I'll share some of the amazing features:
*Our room (and meals - breakfast, lunch & dinner) is $15/night. The night before, I had paid $90 for a shady hotel and mediocre breakfast just up the road. In addition to meals, they have two community refrigerators where they store all of the leftovers so that we can snack if we get hungry at random times.
*The room has Tempur-pedic beds, which are very nice! They also stocked the bathroom with every toiletry item we could possibly need.
*In the room, they left a blanket and stuffed animal for kids who stay. Even though we don't have Alex yet, they said we should take an extra for him.
*When we checked in Matt this morning, they took CJ back to the toy room and let him pick out anything he wanted. It was literally a large closet filled with brand new toys. He chose a very large John Deere tractor.
*They have a full play room and outdoor play area for kids, which kept CJ busy all morning.
*They have free laundry machines for us to use as we need.
*The manager came over to us this morning and gave us a box of individually wrapped cracker packages. She said she knew that we'd be in meetings and that we'd have a long drive home and CJ would need some snacks along the way.
*When I asked them about fun family activities in Tucson (since we're here until Monday), they mentioned the children's museum and the zoo. Without hesitation, one of the staff said "Oh, let me get you one of our family passes." While they couldn't find the zoo pass, they gave us a pass for all of us to get into the children's museum.
*Repeatedly, we've been told not to worry about when we're checking out. They've told us a bunch of times that we're welcome to stay as long as needed (although I will be anxious to get home).
I'm sure there are many more examples I could give you, but these stand out. While we've had a hard time accepting that we are deserving of this, it has been such a blessing to not have to worry about some things. It has allowed us to focus on what we need to focus on. They have truly tried to make it feel as close to home as possible. I've already looked up the RMH in Las Vegas, and hope to find ways to help them in the future.
For any adoptive moms reading this - if you are placed with a birth mom that is a good distance from your home, check with your agency/attorney, or the hospital social worker, to see if you can get in at a local RMH. Sometimes you aren't sure of how long you'll need to remain in the area, and it's nice to have your lodging and meals taken care of.
I need to give a major shout out to the Ronald McDonald House in Tucson. I've heard stories from families who have stayed at a RMH, and it has always been very positive. Now that I'm one of those families, I just wanted to share what a blessing they have been to us over the past few days.
When the social worker at the hospital mentioned RMH, I didn't think I would qualify because we don't technically have a child in the hospital. She told me that she has set up adoptive families with them when there has been room. Our situation was a little different, but she thought we'd still be eligible. She sent the referral over, and they accepted me (Matt and CJ weren't here yet). I headed over to sign the necessary paperwork and take a tour of the facility.
I literally choked up as she walked me throughout the building, sharing the different amenities offered to families. If you've not been involved with RMH, I'll share some of the amazing features:
*Our room (and meals - breakfast, lunch & dinner) is $15/night. The night before, I had paid $90 for a shady hotel and mediocre breakfast just up the road. In addition to meals, they have two community refrigerators where they store all of the leftovers so that we can snack if we get hungry at random times.
*The room has Tempur-pedic beds, which are very nice! They also stocked the bathroom with every toiletry item we could possibly need.
*In the room, they left a blanket and stuffed animal for kids who stay. Even though we don't have Alex yet, they said we should take an extra for him.
*When we checked in Matt this morning, they took CJ back to the toy room and let him pick out anything he wanted. It was literally a large closet filled with brand new toys. He chose a very large John Deere tractor.
*They have a full play room and outdoor play area for kids, which kept CJ busy all morning.
*They have free laundry machines for us to use as we need.
*The manager came over to us this morning and gave us a box of individually wrapped cracker packages. She said she knew that we'd be in meetings and that we'd have a long drive home and CJ would need some snacks along the way.
*When I asked them about fun family activities in Tucson (since we're here until Monday), they mentioned the children's museum and the zoo. Without hesitation, one of the staff said "Oh, let me get you one of our family passes." While they couldn't find the zoo pass, they gave us a pass for all of us to get into the children's museum.
*Repeatedly, we've been told not to worry about when we're checking out. They've told us a bunch of times that we're welcome to stay as long as needed (although I will be anxious to get home).
I'm sure there are many more examples I could give you, but these stand out. While we've had a hard time accepting that we are deserving of this, it has been such a blessing to not have to worry about some things. It has allowed us to focus on what we need to focus on. They have truly tried to make it feel as close to home as possible. I've already looked up the RMH in Las Vegas, and hope to find ways to help them in the future.
For any adoptive moms reading this - if you are placed with a birth mom that is a good distance from your home, check with your agency/attorney, or the hospital social worker, to see if you can get in at a local RMH. Sometimes you aren't sure of how long you'll need to remain in the area, and it's nice to have your lodging and meals taken care of.
Friday, January 25, 2013
The Responsibility Conundrum
If you've followed my blog for any length of time, you know that we have an open adoption. So far, I've been surprised by how easy it has been to maintain that with CJ's birth mom. We don't meet often, but we are always excited to hear from her and look forward to visits when they are scheduled. It is easy to feel good about our relationship when things are good in her life (and ours); I think that is true of any relationship. It is when struggles and turmoil appear that you really have to define things. It may sound harsh, but the biggest question I am currently working through is how much responsibility should I feel toward her?
Right now, we are trying to figure out how to help her through something. As time goes by the situation continues to fester and grow into an even more convoluted problem. Each time we've spoken with her, another layer gets added to the madness. I'm at a point where I just don't know what to do. I see her as family, and I would do just about anything to help my family, but is that appropriate in this scenario?
While the current situation has caused me to evaluate things, I am realizing (as I type) that this is not the first time I've experienced these feelings. Each time that she has shared a hardship with us, an internal struggle develops within me. I want to reach out and provide what she needs to get through the current mess. The trouble is, I don't think that is always the right approach, and it definitely doesn't always help her in the long run. While I want to be sure that her basic needs are met, I cannot bear that burden all the time. But, how much should I offer? I don't know if this is something that other adoptive moms face, but it is driving me crazy.
While we were in the midst of the adoption process, I had a lot of ideas as to what the challenges of an open adoption would be. Not getting along with the birth mom, fearing that she would come to a meeting under the influence of something, bringing a guest to a meeting that we didn't know, worrying that she would try to take off with CJ, and a hundred more just like it. I can honestly say that defining my level of responsibility to the birth mom was not one of the things I had originally worried about.
I've found a few ways to support her recently, but I want to get closer to understanding what our relationship should look like. I know that we have to define that, but I also realize that I probably won't be able to do that without a little help from God. Prayer is going to play an integral role in figuring this out. I'm also hopeful that I can find books or talk with other women who can offer me some starting point.
Right now, we are trying to figure out how to help her through something. As time goes by the situation continues to fester and grow into an even more convoluted problem. Each time we've spoken with her, another layer gets added to the madness. I'm at a point where I just don't know what to do. I see her as family, and I would do just about anything to help my family, but is that appropriate in this scenario?
While the current situation has caused me to evaluate things, I am realizing (as I type) that this is not the first time I've experienced these feelings. Each time that she has shared a hardship with us, an internal struggle develops within me. I want to reach out and provide what she needs to get through the current mess. The trouble is, I don't think that is always the right approach, and it definitely doesn't always help her in the long run. While I want to be sure that her basic needs are met, I cannot bear that burden all the time. But, how much should I offer? I don't know if this is something that other adoptive moms face, but it is driving me crazy.
While we were in the midst of the adoption process, I had a lot of ideas as to what the challenges of an open adoption would be. Not getting along with the birth mom, fearing that she would come to a meeting under the influence of something, bringing a guest to a meeting that we didn't know, worrying that she would try to take off with CJ, and a hundred more just like it. I can honestly say that defining my level of responsibility to the birth mom was not one of the things I had originally worried about.
I've found a few ways to support her recently, but I want to get closer to understanding what our relationship should look like. I know that we have to define that, but I also realize that I probably won't be able to do that without a little help from God. Prayer is going to play an integral role in figuring this out. I'm also hopeful that I can find books or talk with other women who can offer me some starting point.
Monday, January 7, 2013
Goal for 2013
I figure that if I actually write a goal down, and publish it online, I will be more likely to stick to it.
Since we were placed with CJ, I have wanted to write a book about adoption. As we prepared for the process, I could not find many books that gave a real mom's perspective. Everything was very clinical or related to international adoption. I just wanted to read someone's story of domestic adoption, knowing that our story could (probably would) be completely different. At least it would have given me a starting point.
This was the reason that I started my blog in the first place. I didn't want to start writing and forget about the hard times. It's so easy to focus on the good now that the process is over.
This is where you come in...I need your help. I want to be sure that I include things that people want to know. Could you comment with questions that you would like to know about adoption? No question is off limits. If you don't want to post it as a comment, I can give you my e-mail address. It may be something you asked me, or something that you wanted to ask me but didn't want to seem nosy. If you're an adoptive parent, what questions have you been asked?
Thanks in advance!
Since we were placed with CJ, I have wanted to write a book about adoption. As we prepared for the process, I could not find many books that gave a real mom's perspective. Everything was very clinical or related to international adoption. I just wanted to read someone's story of domestic adoption, knowing that our story could (probably would) be completely different. At least it would have given me a starting point.
This was the reason that I started my blog in the first place. I didn't want to start writing and forget about the hard times. It's so easy to focus on the good now that the process is over.
This is where you come in...I need your help. I want to be sure that I include things that people want to know. Could you comment with questions that you would like to know about adoption? No question is off limits. If you don't want to post it as a comment, I can give you my e-mail address. It may be something you asked me, or something that you wanted to ask me but didn't want to seem nosy. If you're an adoptive parent, what questions have you been asked?
Thanks in advance!
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