Eggshells

I think I've mentioned before, but we have dealt with some serious anger and behavioral problems with our middle son. I didn't look back to see what I wrote, but I'm guessing I probably downplayed it a bit. We know the cause, or at least part of it, and have gone to counseling in the past to try to help manage the outbursts. Honestly, I thought we were past the worst of it.

We are now on day 4 of a tantrum cycle. It ain't pretty. I live my life walking on eggshells because I am terrified of the next fit.

Let me give you a glimpse into life at our house, so you'll an idea of what is happening:

We are playing a game. I pick up the wrong piece. Tears and screaming. He sits in timeout to compose himself and starts hitting himself. I sit with him to try to help and he yells at me to sit someplace else. I walk away and he yells for me to come sit with him. (20 minutes passes) He calms down and we go back to playing. Snack time comes. I open the granola bar from the "wrong end." Tears and screaming. I set him back in timeout to calm down. He starts hitting his head on the wall, so I put him in his bed to calm down. (20 minutes passes). He comes out, says he's calm and we go back to snack time. Repeat about 15 more times because I have either driven down the wrong street, not acknowledged his dinosaur properly, given him the wrong color spoon or any other totally logical reason to melt down.

It got so bad that I cried at preschool pick up two days ago. He was having a fit about a toy that was taken away. I had to pick up my oldest, so into the school we marched. All eyes were on us because the screams made it sound like he was being attacked. As we approached the door to the classroom, I made eye contact with the teacher and lost it. She took my screamer aside and a friend wrapped me up in a big hug.

I have spent a lot of time trying to figure out what I can do to help. You know what I realized, my reactions to his temper are a trigger for the larger tantrums. I can hold it together for awhile, but then on the 15th scream, I fall apart. That makes him get a little more upset and together we snowball into complete madness.

Today, I woke up determined to make it better. I promised myself and God that I would do everything in me to remain calm, no matter how tough it got. I decided to take a moment if needed before responding to him, to ensure that I was not the cause of the issue.

This morning, as he started falling apart because I wouldn't let him buy six dinosaurs at Walmart, I took a breath and calmly reminded him that we didn't need to buy any. It took a few minutes, but he eventually realized that I wasn't going to change my mind and he calmed down. Success!! Maybe I can do this!

It's easy to stay calm for a few hours, or even an entire day, but can I do it forever? Probably not. Honestly, it's not reasonable to think that I will always be 100% calm. You know what? As long as I wake up with a good attitude, take a few breaths before I respond to him, and forgive myself when I mess up, I think I'll be ok.