Wednesday, October 5, 2011

Staying open

On Monday, Matt and I took CJ down to Tucson to meet up with Brooke. It had been six months since she had seen him, and we were so excited for the visit. As we drove down, I realized that the last time we had made that drive, we were heading down to meet Brooke at the hospital. At that point, the sentimental side of me took over. I pointed out every landmark associated with CJ's adoption:

*The McDonalds in Marana where we met Brooke for the first time.
*The Travel America truck stop in Eloy where we wrote up our covenant.
*We even got off at the exit where Brooke lived when we picked her up for her ultrasound (just four days before he was born).

I am not a sentimental person. I still haven't had my wedding dress cleaned and boxed...and we've been married for eight years. This is different though. It's like I want to store up every possible memory of Caleb. When we started the adoption process, I wondered how I would feel about the child that we would end up adopting. I worried that my feelings would be different than if he/she was a biological child. I worried that I wouldn't feel the same connection or love. Boy, was I wrong. From day one I have loved that little man more than I could have imagined. It's hard to believe, but that love grows mroe and more each day.

We were a little concerned about how CJ would react because he gets a little shy after he naps, and he slept most of the way down. We didn't want Brooke to misread his reaction. Well, our fears were for nothing. As soon as he saw her, a huge smile moved across his face. It made me wonder if he knew who she was. He was with her for nine months, so I would assume that he could still recognize her voice. He may not understand why, but I'm sure he knew that she was familiar to him. It was awesome to watch them sit together and play. I can tell that she has a special place in her heart for him, and that she still wants only the best for him. She seems to be doing well, for which we are very thankful.


CJ playing with a bracelet Brooke was wearing.

I've had a few people lately ask how I am so comfortable with an open adoption. Originally, I wanted an open adoption because research has shown that to be the best option (provided the birth parents are not a danger to the child). Over the last nine months, my mindset has shifted a little. I still believe that it is best if the child is able to connect with his birth family, but now I think it's also because I know that CJ is our son. He is a part of our family, and so is Brooke. I want to be sure that he always knows where he came from.

In the past few weeks, I have had a few opportunities to connect with complete strangers who are interested in adoption. It seems very bizarre that people come to me with questions or advice, but I am really enjoying it. I know how lost I felt at times when we were going through the process. We didn't know many people who had explored adoption, so we didn't have a point of reference. I am actually considering writing a book about our experience. I know that I've been saying that for awhile now, but I actually started it. I'm hopeful that I can finish it. If nothing else, it will be great to have an account of our experiences that I can share with CJ when he is older.

2 comments:

  1. We are still going to pursue adoption in the near future and I have to admit, I am not comfortable, at least at this point, with the level of openness you guys have. I know there is tons of research supporting it and I know families who have great experiences. I think my fear stems back to my own childhood and having nightmares that my birth mom would come and "steal me back." hmmm. perhaps some more therapy is in order. :) Sut I do appreciate watching your story unfold. I am so happy for you guys! :)

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  2. I'll be honest; I did not want an open adoption when we started the process. I was terrified of having a birth mom try to take the baby back, or question my parenting. It wasn't until we had met Brooke a few times that I was comfortable with the idea. We still have our concerns, but I continue to feel better about it as time goes by. I actually look forward to our visits.

    I've heard of other families who have an even more open adoption. One couple that visited our adoption class told us that they go on vacation with their birth mom. I am confident in saying that we will never be at that point.

    I've come a long way since were initially started with our agency. Ultimately, it has to be what you and your family are comfortable with. I'm so excited that you guys are going to pursue adoption. I can't wait to hear your story!

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