Having a Positive Adoption Experience

Our class this week was awesome! We took so much of the discussion to heart; God was really working on us Tuesday night! It helped us to see the process from perspective of the birth family, which we had not considered. The biggest realization that we had was how selfish we had been in our thinking about this process. We were so focused on the impact and feelings that were involved for us, that we forgot that other people are part of this equation.

While I could probably write a lot more about the class, there were a few things in particular that really hit us:

Most adoptive families are jealous of the birth mother because she gets to experience pregnancy, and the bonding that goes along with it. I'll admit that I have experienced those feelings. We were reminded that we are not the only people involved, and that the birth mother will probably be jealous of our ability to raise the child for the rest of his/her life. This whole time, we'd been making it about ourselves, without even considering how our birth mother was going to feel.

A big fear that we have, along with most adoptive families, is that the birth mother will select us and then back out. Obviously, this is a possibility (if we have the right to opt out at any time, why shouldn't she have the same right?). We worried about the sense of loss we would feel if this did happen. How would we handle it? The adoption counselor who led Tuesday night's class reminded us that regardless of how the adoption placement goes, someone will experience a loss. Yes, if the birth mother backs out, we will feel as though we have lost a child. While we knew that she was making a conscious decision to place her baby with an adoptive family, we didn't really consider how great a loss that would be for her. No matter what, someone is going to grieve once the decision is finalized.

I pray that we are always able to keep the birth family at the forefront of our thinking, remembering that they are going to feel a great impact as we move forward. I pray that we can empathize with the birth family and their experience. This process cannot be solely about us. I hope that even if we experience a worst-case scenario, that we can move forward knowing that God is in control and has a wonderful plan for our lives.