Another great class this week! Tuesday night’s topic was open adoption. When we first started discussing adoption, we felt nervous about the idea of an open adoption. It just seemed like a closed adoption would be so much safer. What happens if the birth family wants the baby back? What happens if our birth family becomes too clingy? What if we just don’t like them? All of these questions and fears were really put to rest this week.
Actually, we are really excited about the prospect of an open adoption. This woman is going to be giving us a tremendous gift, why wouldn’t we want her to be a part of our lives? There is a great deal of research out there that supports the idea that an adopted child benefits greatly from contact with his/her birth family. It makes sense!
CFCA (our agency) has the adoptive family and birth family create a Covenant (Adoption Agreement). This document lays out what both parties are comfortable with, regarding future contact and communication. In reviewing a “standard” Covenant, it sounds like our ideal situation is pretty normal. There are usually four visits per year (birthday, Christmas, and two others) along with monthly or bimonthly phone calls and fairly regular e-mail exchanges. During the first year, the interaction is a lot more frequent, and it will taper off as the child gets older. According to the Pregnancy Counselor who taught the class, many birth families will disappear after the first year or two. They simply want to see that their child is being cared for, and then they are able to move on in their lives. We truly hope that is not the case for us.
It is really funny how we’ve completely changed our views on open vs. closed adoption. I think we would actually be disappointed if they disappeared or showed little interest in getting together. We would like to have a relationship that allows us to invite the birth family to our child’s baptism, sporting events, dance recitals, graduations, etc. This family will become part of our family, and that is pretty cool! We just pray that the birth family is open to having that level of relationship with us.
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It's amazing how just learning a little bit more can change your opinion!! Glad classes are still going so well!
ReplyDeleteMy cousin is adopted. I believe it was a fairly open adoption for the time, in that the mom knew where she went and got pictures for the first year, but there wasn't really any contact. It's been a big struggle for my cousin to consider searching for her birth family. I think an open adoption would be a great idea...then you've got that connection and your child won't feel like he/she is betraying you to want to find out more.
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