One of those days...

Yesterday was one of those days. You know, one of those days that you wish you could erase. It started at 3am, and lasted until 9pm. When I turned off my light and put my head on my pillow, all I could do was thank God it was over and pray that the next day would be better.

Going into this adoption scenario, I knew that we would experience tough moments. I knew that there would be challenging transition issues, and that all three kids would act out at times. The problem was, I didn't consider the chance that all three kids could possibly act out at the same time.

The two older boys each spent the day fighting for my attention, and throwing a fit if I dared play with the other. CJ chose to disobey every direction I gave him. Alex screamed whenever he was not allowed to do what he wanted. The baby did not want to be put down...at all.

By nap time, I was ready to lose it.

Thankfully, all three kids took a nap. While the naps only overlapped by 45 minutes, it was a peace that I appreciated. Sadly, as soon as nap time ended, so did my peace.

I'm not sure what side of the bed Alex woke up on, but it was not a pretty side. I'm still learning his preferences, including how he likes to wake up. Whatever I did was apparently wrong, and brought on a 45 minute scream-fest. I tried everything to get him to calm down, but nothing worked.

Once all three kids were up, I tried to get our day back on track. Surprisingly, I was able to start dinner on time. I was feeling pretty proud, until I started feeling extremely hot. At that moment, I really that our air conditioner was no longer working. Awesome. Three kids, dinner already in the oven, and a hot house. Seriously!?

By the time Matt got home, I could barely speak. I was frustrated, sad, confused, tired, hot, etc.

While the kids continued to act out, the house got hotter and I got more irritated as the night went on, I realized that my attitude was the only thing I could control at that moment. I apologized to everyone and attempted to regroup.

I'm not going to lie, I was grateful when I turned the lights out in the kids rooms, said good night, and headed downstairs for some alone time. When I sat down with my big 'ol bowl of ice cream, I thought about my attitude and behavior throughout the day. I was embarrassed. I could not believe that I had allowed myself to lose control. I was sad that I had not chosen to go to God for help. I chose to believe that I could handle it, and that did not get me very far.

I went to sleep last night asking God to help me in future days, knowing that I was going to face many of the same challenges. I prayed that I could hold it together, maintain calm and not lose it. Despite a LONG night, and waking up to the sound of CJ throwing up, today has been a lot better. I've been frustrated and angry, but I've kept my cool (for the most part).

Each day reminds me that I cannot go through this on my own. I know this is a season and that we will one day find our groove. I am trusting that God will provide me with the strength I need to make it through this challenging time. I look forward to the day when I can look back and say "remember when..."