Merry Christmas!

Throughout the past year, I've had a lot of "where were we a year ago?" moments. At this time last year, I was in Pinetop with family. We were enjoying a white Christmas filled with games, movies and lots of fun. My biggest fear that week was getting the call that Brooke was in labor. We were several hours north of Phoenix, which added quite a bit of time to the drive down to Tucson. If she went into labor, we might not have made it down in time for his birth. Just to be safe, we packed our hospital bag and the car seat...and it sat in the trunk the entire time.

CJ's first Christmas was so much fun! I appreciate the fact that he is old enough to enjoy the toys (and fish tank) that he received. I may have been more excited about everything than he was, but I think that is how it's supposed to be. I was so caught up with CJ's experience that I didn't take pictures of anyone else. I need to be better about that!

In keeping with Fincke tradition, CJ received one present on Christmas Eve - a fish tank from Grandpa & Grandma Fincke. He absolutely loves it. We positioned his playpen in front of it so that he can stand there and watch the fish swim around. The rest of the gifts had to wait until Christmas Day. Christmas morning, CJ was in no rush to wake up. We weren't complaining! Working around his nap schedule, presents weren't opened until lunch time. He made out like a bandit! Here are some pictures...









I truly enjoyed watching as he examined each toy and tried to figure it out. Just as he started to understand, he would move on to the next item. After a few toys, he took a break to play with the plastic wrapping.

I look forward to future Christmases, when he runs into our bedroom to wake us up...when we can read the story of Jesus birth, and he understands what we're talking about...when we can go to the candlelight service at church (it was just a little too late for CJ this year). There is so much to look forward to! I just hope that as he gets older, we can help him to understand the true meaning of Christmas and the most amazing gift of all - the birth (and death) of Jesus.

So Many Reasons To Be Thankful!

It's hard to remember where we were at this time last year. So much has changed in our lives (for the better). During our many hours in the car last week, I took time to reflect on the many reasons I have to be thankful. I thought I would share some of them with you.

I am thankful for...
*Matt - who supported me through a long journey to grow our family, and continues to provide support as we raise our son together. He does his fair share of nighttime feedings, diaper changes, and play time, for which I am very grateful.
*My family - who have embraced CJ as part of the family and show him as much love as they have shown me.
*Brooke - who made a difficult decision to offer her child a better life by placing him for adoption, and who gave us the best gift anyone could possibly give.
*My friends - who provided a great deal of support to us during the past year through prayer, kind words, and lots of baby stuff.
*Christian Family Care - who helped us through the adoption process. Utlimately, they are the reason that we were connected with Brooke.
*Being guided toward adoption - I don't think I would have made that decision on my own, but we have been so blessed by it.
*The ability to save exactly enough to pay for the adoption fees when they were due.
*Having a job that allowed me to take off 3 months so that I could bond with our little man.
*Our awesome pediatrician who encourages me as a parent and answers my million questions.

and finally...

*Caleb - I could not have asked for a more wonderful child. I cannot imagine our lives without him. I just love his infectious smile and giggle, his obvious love for our family and friends, and how he has made me into a better person in just 10 months.

Not just a name!

Last week, I took care of Caleb's birth certificate and Social Security card. In the moments when I first saw both documents, I got a little teary-eyed. It got me wondering if all mothers are affected by the sight of their child's name on paper, or if this is more of an adoptive mother "thing." Maybe it's just me...which is ok.

It started for me the day that we created our Covenant (adoption agreement) with Brooke. On the document, Cissy (the counselor) wrote out his name because Brooke indicated that it would be used on his original birth certificate. Matt and I had written out the name before, but it was different this time. This time, there was actually a baby that would receive the name. It had more meaning. As Cissy handed us the document, I got a chill because it was actually happening!

Once Caleb was born, his name was everywhere. Insurance cards. Adoption agency documents. Barnes & Noble Birthday Club Card. Each time something arrived bearing his name, it had the same effect. At the risk of sounding cheesy, there was something magical about seeing it on paper. I don't know if I can really describe this to you, but I hope that you can somewhat understand what I'm talking about. I assumed that the feeling would wane over time. After all, if we say it and write it all the time, it has to lose steam at some point...right? Not yet.

Maybe it's because our road to a child was fairly long. Maybe I am just in love with my son. Whatever the reason, seeing his name makes me so appreciative of what I have. Literally each time I see it written out, I take a moment to thank God for such a precious gift.

You may or may not have experienced this yourself. I hope you have because it's amazing.

Caleb Josiah Fischer...ahhh!

Support

This past weekend, we attended a picnic hosted by our adoption agency. It was their annual Adoption Picnic, and I was so excited to go. It had been over a year since I had seen most of the couples from our infant adoption class. We'd been keeping in touch via e-mail whenever someone was placed, but it had been sporadic. While we haven't talked or seen each other, we still hold a very special common bond. As soon as we arrived, I got a hug from one of the girls in the class. Slowly, about half of our class arrived to join in the celebration. All of us proudly showing off our little guys and gals. We caught up on how things had been going, and shared the stories of how our children came into our families.

I don't think I realized how much I needed to be around other women who had been through a similar experience. Don't get me wrong, I have very supportive family and friends, who have all been more than happy to let me share our experience with them. I love talking about our process, regardless of the audience. The biggest difference is that the women from the class have been there. They completely understand the emotions that we experienced as we waited, after we got "the call," and at the arrival of Caleb. The doubt, frustration, anger, bitterness that turned into trust, love, joy and awe. It's hard for others to understand why I didn't take the tags off of baby gifts until just before he arrived (or after in some cases). It's hard to explain the fear that Brooke would change her mind. It's hard to describe the relief in realizing that my love for Caleb was no different than if I had given birth to him myself.

One family that I was very excited to meet was a couple whose daughter was born about 10 hours after Caleb in Tucson. Our counselor kept running back and forth between the two hospitals trying to support both adoptive families. As we were being discharged from the hospital, she suggested that I get into contact with them because they also lived in North Phoenix. We tried to connect via e-mail, but it just never worked out. As Matt and I ate lunch, I started talking to the lady next to me. I asked how old her daughter was, and shared that our son was the same age. She asked his birthday and we figured it out. What are the odds? Hopefully, we will keep in touch with them since they live so close to us.

As we all talked, I got an overwhelming feeling of relief. It was as if my heart and mind had been waiting to talk with other adoptive parents. I loved hearing their stories and learning more about their little ones. When I talk about a relationship with our birth mom, they know exactly what I am talking about. When I share the strange questions we've been asked, they have been asked the same questions. I think the most amazing part was connecting so much with people that I had just met. I knew that I would be able to talk and share with the couples from our class. I didn't expect to have a similar experience with couples from other classes.

Adoption creates a wonderful bond between people. Often, I think about the connection we have with Brooke, but it goes far beyond that. If I could pass along any suggestions to parents who are adopting, or who have adopted, it would be to find a support system of other adoptive parents. As Caleb gets older, I want him to be around other children who are adopted. I want him to know that he is not the only one out there. As much as he needs that, I also need that.

I really feel as though I am meant to do something more with adoption. I don't mean to adopt again (which is the plan, at this point). I mean that I feel called to work with adoptive moms. It may not be a career path, but definitely something that I can do as a volunteer opportunity. At this point, I'm not sure what that will be but I figured that if I write it down people may hold me accountable to follow through. :)

Staying open

On Monday, Matt and I took CJ down to Tucson to meet up with Brooke. It had been six months since she had seen him, and we were so excited for the visit. As we drove down, I realized that the last time we had made that drive, we were heading down to meet Brooke at the hospital. At that point, the sentimental side of me took over. I pointed out every landmark associated with CJ's adoption:

*The McDonalds in Marana where we met Brooke for the first time.
*The Travel America truck stop in Eloy where we wrote up our covenant.
*We even got off at the exit where Brooke lived when we picked her up for her ultrasound (just four days before he was born).

I am not a sentimental person. I still haven't had my wedding dress cleaned and boxed...and we've been married for eight years. This is different though. It's like I want to store up every possible memory of Caleb. When we started the adoption process, I wondered how I would feel about the child that we would end up adopting. I worried that my feelings would be different than if he/she was a biological child. I worried that I wouldn't feel the same connection or love. Boy, was I wrong. From day one I have loved that little man more than I could have imagined. It's hard to believe, but that love grows mroe and more each day.

We were a little concerned about how CJ would react because he gets a little shy after he naps, and he slept most of the way down. We didn't want Brooke to misread his reaction. Well, our fears were for nothing. As soon as he saw her, a huge smile moved across his face. It made me wonder if he knew who she was. He was with her for nine months, so I would assume that he could still recognize her voice. He may not understand why, but I'm sure he knew that she was familiar to him. It was awesome to watch them sit together and play. I can tell that she has a special place in her heart for him, and that she still wants only the best for him. She seems to be doing well, for which we are very thankful.


CJ playing with a bracelet Brooke was wearing.

I've had a few people lately ask how I am so comfortable with an open adoption. Originally, I wanted an open adoption because research has shown that to be the best option (provided the birth parents are not a danger to the child). Over the last nine months, my mindset has shifted a little. I still believe that it is best if the child is able to connect with his birth family, but now I think it's also because I know that CJ is our son. He is a part of our family, and so is Brooke. I want to be sure that he always knows where he came from.

In the past few weeks, I have had a few opportunities to connect with complete strangers who are interested in adoption. It seems very bizarre that people come to me with questions or advice, but I am really enjoying it. I know how lost I felt at times when we were going through the process. We didn't know many people who had explored adoption, so we didn't have a point of reference. I am actually considering writing a book about our experience. I know that I've been saying that for awhile now, but I actually started it. I'm hopeful that I can finish it. If nothing else, it will be great to have an account of our experiences that I can share with CJ when he is older.

Time to exhale!

What do you mean there's nothing left to do? I've been working on this since December 2009...and it's over. The best way that I can explain my feelings about finalizing CJ's adoption would be to compare it to planning a wedding. You have this build up for many months, during which time there is always something else that you have to be thinking about. Then, the day finally arrives. You go through the hearing (or ceremony, to keep my analogy going), and then you celebrate. Once the celebration ends, everyone goes their separate ways, and it's business as usual. Weird! Trust me, I am in no way complaining that CJ's adoption has been finalized. I cannot tell you how ecstatic I am to tell people that we are done, and that the state now recognizes us as his parents. It just feels very bizarre that we don't have anything else that we need to do.

Yesterday was amazing! I can hardly describe the number of emotions that I experienced within a very short period of time. I'll try to go through the details, since I don't want to forget anything!

Throughout this week, I had been getting progressively more nervous and anxious about our hearing. I don't know why. To keep with the wedding analogy, it's similar to the excitement and nerves that a bride or groom would experience the morning of their wedding. Yesterday morning, I didn't know what to do with myself. The hearing was scheduled for 10am, which was a perfect time. Late enough that we didn't have to rush, but early enough that I didn't have a long time to feel anxious before we went into the courtroom. We were lucky enough to have a few friends and family with us - Tim & Lisa Bristol (CJ's godparents), Matt's parents and Ashley Steele (best friend...practically a sister).

After arriving about 15 minutes early, we went through security. I think I was so focused on the adoption side of things, that I forgot the courthouse also deals with juvenile offenders. It seemed very weird to walk through a metal detector and have my bag checked. Even more interesting, they made people take off their belts. I still don't completely understand that one. Once it was determined that we were not carrying any drugs or weapons, we made our way over to the front desk to get checked in. I was actually surprised how many people were waiting for their turn in the courtroom. It was fun to see the families who were clearly there for a finalization. Everyone was dressed up and excited. Three families were scheduled in each time slot, so at times it was pretty full. We received our courtroom number (#9, in case you were curious) and headed over to wait our turn.

Two people from the County Attorney's Office met with us to explain what they were going to ask, and what to expect. That helped quite a bit. Even though I knew the basic questions, I appreciated going through each of them. As we were talking, I got a call from Sharon. She was at the wrong courthouse! Uh oh! She was on her way and was expecting to arrive within 15 minutes. We asked the attorney what would happen if she wasn't there, and we learned that it wouldn't make a difference. Luckily, with two other families scheduled for 10am, we bought ourselves a little time by going last. Right after the first family came out, Sharon arrived. We got settled, and watched as family number two went in.

By this point, my nerves were going crazy. I finally sat down. If I stood up, I would either rock or pace, which both made me look a little crazy. Finally, it was our turn! We walked into the room and were directed to sit at the front, with our friends and family sitting behind. After we sworn in (not sure if that is the right terminology, but we had to raise our right hand...so it sounds good to me), we went through the series of questions. "Please say and spell your name." Actually, the "spell your name" came after Matt gave his middle name. I'll probably misspell it, but you should know that it is Hawaiian and about 12 letters long. If you see him, ask him to show you his driver's license...pretty entertaining. "Please state your address." "Do you intend to adopt Caleb Josiah, born 1/11/11 in Tucson?" "Are you biologically related to him?" After a few more questions, it was Sharon's turn. She was asked her opinion on our ability to parent. Naturally, we're amazing, so we weren't worried about that one. Then, it was the judges turn. After what felt like an eternity, we heard the magic words. We were legally Caleb's parents! As the judge finished his sentence, CJ let out this squeal/giggle. Talk about perfect timing. It sounded like he was rejoicing as much as we were. We were given the opportunity to take pictures with the judge, and then we headed out to celebrate.





This day was a long time in the making, and we couldn't have made it throughout without the love and support of a lot of people. We are very blessed with those God has placed in our lives. While the process was long and frustrating at times, and we often questioned God's plan for us, it is very clear that he had a very specific plan in place. We could not asked for a more amazing child. God knew what he was doing when he led Brooke to us through Christian Family Care. I cannot imagine our lives without this little man, and I am so excited to see where God takes us in the future!

Why don't they come with manuals?

For the first 6 or 7 months of CJ's life, I felt like I had a pretty good grasp of things. Yes, I had moments of worry and confusion, but nothing too serious. Things are relatively simple when the child's schedule consists of eating formula, sleeping, and playing (and more than a few diaper changes). Then, we hit the solid food stage (cue dramatic music).

My first struggle was in deciding whether I should make or purchase CJ's food. After a little pep talk from my sister Emily, I realized that it probably was not going to be that hard to make his food. In the end, the hippie in me won...or was it the cheapo? I am not a whiz in the kitchen, but how hard could it be to steam veggies and fruits and then puree them? At first, it was that easy. Matt and I picked out the fruits and veggies that we wanted to try early on, and then I started making baby food. While not every batch was perfect, CJ is not a picky eater so it worked out. I actually enjoyed the process. I felt very accomplished each time he ate one of my concoctions. In terms of the time commitment, I was pleasantly surprised. I estimate that it takes about an hour each weekend to prep everything. Last weekend, I made a ridiculous amount of food so that I wouldn't have to make it again for 3-4 weeks. That took about 3 total hours, but well worth it!

Finding out which foods to serve at each age is the easy part. What no one helps with is how much to feed them and how/when to add meals to the schedule. At around 7 months, we knew that we would need to add a third meal to his schedule. I continually found websites and books that told me to follow my baby's lead. Does anyone else have an issue with this? I have some ideas of when he's hungry or if he doesn't want to eat anymore, but he rarely turns food away. I knew that I would need to make adjustments based on his needs, but I really only wanted a baseline to follow.

The idea of adding a third meal sounds like it would be easy, but it meant changing around the rest of the day. I probably made it harder than it needed to be, but that's just my style. The difficulty for us is that a change in schedule does not only affect us, but it affects Denise (his daycare provider). While we aren't complete sticklers on his feeding and napping schedule, we have to have a basic outline for the day. I debated on what time he should eat...how much he should eat...if he should take a bottle first in the morning or go straight to solids. It's enough to make you go insane. After a lot of searching, I finally found a few websites that listed examples of a feeding schedule for an 8-month old. An overwhelming sense of relief came over me as I read each one and then created something that I thought would work for CJ.

I am happy to say that we added a third meal to the schedule last weekend, changed his last feeding to around 2 hours earlier, and he still managed to sleep through the night. Yeah! I think he likes the new schedule, especially because he now gets little snacks occasionally. We enjoy the new schedule because it allows us to go to bed earlier. :)