Bonding & Attachment

In preparing ourselves for adoption, we realized that there were going to be different challenges that we may face. I don't think either of us considered that bonding with the baby may be one of those challenges. In my mind, we would pick up the baby from the hospital and then begin our happy lives together. While I am pretty sure we will be a happy little family, it never dawned on us that we may have to be very intentional about developing a relationship with him/her. Our teacher for the week, who also happens to be our Adoption Counselor, said that much of bonding and attachment will occur during the first 2 - 4 weeks after the baby comes home. This made complete sense to us. What surprised us was the suggestion that we avoid contact with people outside of family members during this time.

Wow, that is going to be really hard!. After getting a placement, we're going to be so excited that we would want to show him/her off to everyone. The trouble is that the baby will need to learn that we are his/her caregivers. If too many other people are around, it could slow that process. It is hard to think that he/she may not be comfortable with us for awhile. Sharon shared stories of babies that would arch their back (as if in pain) anytime someone picked them up. They just were not comfortable being held. How hard that must have been for the adoptive parents! Thankfully, that is not something that occurs with all adopted children. She also shared a few examples of ways that we can encourage that attachment (i.e. baby massage). If we did experience any attachment issues, CFCA offers various forms of therapy to help adoptive parents. We're praying that we do not need to utilize that resource, but we are grateful that it is available.