Happy Mother's Day

With tomorrow being Mother's Day, I thought this would be a perfect time to write a post. I have literally waited five years for my turn to celebrate this special day. Don’t get me wrong, I hope to celebrate like I just won the lottery, because that is how I feel. God has given me a gift that is priceless – my little CJ. While I am celebrating, there are a lot of women who struggle with this day. I have thought a lot about how Mother’s Day affected me while we were waiting for a child. As you read this, just know that I always celebrate(d) the mothers in my life. I do not want to take anything away from them, or the amazing job that they do every day. For the purposes of this blog, I’m focusing on myself (selfish, yes, but it was my reality).

The first year or two, I didn’t mind Mother’s Day. There was so much hope that we would get pregnant quickly. After all, it had been almost immediate for many of our friends. In my heart and head, I congratulated myself on the mother that I would be one day. I celebrated my future children and the work that I would put into parenting.

As the years past, and still no baby, I started to dread the second Sunday in May each year. I wanted nothing to do with it. I didn't like going to church because they always ask the mothers to stand up; yet another reminder that I was not part of that elite group. While I wanted to hide my head in the sand for that day, I felt guilty that I was focusing on myself when so many mothers were deserving of praise.

By the fifth year, I started to think my turn would never come. We had just started the adoption process and I was sure that we would be the couple who didn’t get placed. It’s funny how your mind goes straight for the internal pity party. While I can look back and realize how silly it was, I recognize that a lot of women feel the same way. I don’t think it is something that we should be ashamed of. Yes, it may be selfish, but you cannot help how you feel. The worst thing you can do, which is what I did, is to pretend like it doesn’t bother you. If you’re waiting for a child to enter your family and have similar feelings, please find a method of releasing your frustration.

As you look forward to celebrating the special moms in your life, please be sensitive to those around you. You never know who is struggling with the desire to be a mom. If you know of a women who is trying to conceive or waiting to adopt, please don’t say things like “You’re day will come” or “You’re a mother at heart.” It doesn’t help (especially if you haven't had difficulty conceiving). I’m not asking you to avoid celebration. Mothers work harder than most, and deserve to be treated like queens. I’m just asking you to be more aware. While waiting for my day to come was frustrating at times, I am now experiencing more joy than I could imagine. If you are waiting for your little angel, just know that I have you in my prayers.

I am so grateful for all of the mothers in my life. Specifically, my mom, sister and mother-in-law. I appreciate all you’ve done to teach me how to be a good mom. I hope I can be as good to my son as you have been to me. I love you!