Are you sure, God?

Have you ever had one of those moments when you know exactly what God wants you to do, but you can't figure out why He has that much confidence in your ability to get it done? That is where I am at right now. I am looking ahead to where God is leading my family, and I am terrified that I am not going to be able handle it.

As I sat down yesterday to try to organize the chaos that I currently call life, I realized that it is only going to get more chaotic. There are moments that I feel like I'm on the edge of a nervous breakdown, but this is actually the calm before the storm. If I am starting to freak out now, how will I respond when two more boys join our family?

When I originally thought about how things were going to play out, I was only really thinking about handling the process. I was making to-do lists of documents to collect, appointments to schedule and rooms to organize. What I forgot about was our daily life tasks that still need to be taken care of in the midst of all of this. Things like registering our cars with the DMV, going to the grocery store, and paying the bills suddenly seem completely overwhelming. If I take one task at a time, they are small, but when I make a list my brain starts to explode. I pride myself on being on top of things, and lately I have forgotten to call people back, missed appointments and left many things undone. It is driving me nuts!

In my moments of panic, I've asked God several times "are you sure that I can handle this?" Deep in my heart I know that God would not have given us this opportunity if He was not sure we could handle it with His help. My head is arguing that point though. It is in these crazy times that I am so thankful for family and friends who bring a dose of perspective to my life. I can only hope that I keep my eyes firmly fixed on Jesus and the plan God has laid out for my family, and trust that we will be just fine.

Updates:

Alex - We had our licensing visit on Tuesday. There are a few things that we need to correct at our house, but nothing major. The licensing worker will come back out on Monday to re-check the items that were a concern. We had our fingerprints done last week, so they should be back soon. I completed my four hours of online training, so I believe we have finished everything that we can do to prepare. Now, we just wait for the paperwork to flow back and forth between states.

Baby - We are waiting for reference forms to be returned and background checks to be completed. Our home study will begin (hopefully) in the next week or so. We have a few questionnaires that need to be completed as well. They are all things that we have answered in the past, so it should not take us too long to get through them.