The Adoptive Family's Perspective

In class last week, we had the opportunity to hear from a birth mother as well as an adoptive family. The counselor who taught the class was a birth mother who placed her son for adoption eight years ago. They also brought in a family who had adopted twice through the agency, and had a third adoption fall through. It was so great to be able to ask questions, and get answers directly from the source. While the teacher was able to provide some insight, the adoptive family was the most helpful for us.

One of the best things their story showed us, was just how different each adoption can be. Their first child was an ideal adoption scenario. They are very close with the birth mother, who is extremely responsible and trustworthy. The whole process went well, and they had a decent amount of time to prepare. The second adoption fell through a few days after they took the baby home from the hospital. The third was very rushed (they received a call and a few hours later, they picked up the baby), and they have no contact with the birth mother. This really showed us that we cannot put too much into the stories of others, because each adoption is unique. It really hit home the idea that we simply need to trust God to help us through our experience.

It was incredible to listen to them. The relationship that they have with the birth mother is very close to what Matt and I would like. She goes to their house for holidays and birthday parties, and they keep the communication open. It is very much like she is part of their extended family. In fact, even the birth mother's extended family and the adoptive family's extended family all get along and know each other. They are so close that she went on vacation with them, and she occasionally babysits for their kids. What a great level of love and trust that they have! We're not real sure about the idea of going on vacation with our birth mother, but we still hope to have that much love and trust.

We also appreciated being able to watch the adoptive family interact. Even though we know that adopted children fit into a family in the same way that a biological child would, we still had some fears and concerns. With this family, you would not have known that the children were adopted, except for the fact that they were a different race. While fears may exist, we know that the children we receive through adoption will our OUR children, and the relationship that we have with them will be similar to any other parent-child relationship. I think observing the family, and listening to them, helped to cement that idea.

We have just two more classes to go! It's hard to believe that we are almost to the end. We are almost done with our paperwork, and are hoping to stick to our end-of-February goal for submitting it. Our home study will follow, although we do not know how long it will take to get that set up. We are still hoping that by the start of summer, our letter will be in the match book for birth mothers to see.